I think we just broke the world

There have beens days when I have looked back at what used to be and wished life was different. I have even envied others who didn’t have a disability. What? I shouldn’t think like that? Sure that’s easy to say, but thoughts happen, and in my head they happen more than I care to admit. I don’t think you would want to live a day in my head. It’s kinda scary in there. I can think of some crazy ideas and have some equally wild woe-is-me moments. 

I’m not going to lie and say that I’ve never wanted things to be different, because I have. Those thoughts seem to appear most when the struggle is at its worst. I don’t like feeling that way, but it happens. That’s just me being real.

I could let my disability sour my life and cause me to become as miserable as my body feels with thoughts of what used to be and what could have been, or I could let it teach me to become a better person. I loved learning when I was in school, and I guess it has carried over into life as well. Sometimes the learning process is hard, but the lessons are invaluable.

One thing having a disability has taught me is to be thankful. I think of the many people who won’t even have the opportunity to get through today and that’s enough to make me appreciate everything I have, whether it’s pain, the inability to do something or the complications MS throws my way. I’m thankful through it all.

I have also learned that fear is real but I can overcome anything if I take my day and break it up into tiny chunks. A friend once told me that it’s easy to eat an elephant. Not a real elephant, mind you. I wouldn’t even want to do that. But a giant obstacle you are facing. She said you do it one bite at a time. So that’s how I break my day up…one bite at a time. I may find things hard to swallow at times, but when I keep at it I find that I’m able to get through it. That impossible elephant suddenly becomes possible.

Having a disability has prepared me for life. It has given me a better perspective on what’s really important. That highly successful career, big house, fancy car, and designer clothes are not a part of the picture. Why do we strive all our lives for stuff and titles? Those things don’t matter in the end. What matters is loving people and knowing that you are loved. Everything could be stripped from me and I know I could make it. Other people…I doubt they would get through an hour, let alone a day.

Those of us living with a disability have an advantage over the rest of the world. We learn early on to appreciate the roses and the sunsets. We get to live…really live. I just wish we weren’t entrusted with so much wisdom. There’s no telling what might happen to the world if we unleashed all we know. It just might cause it to tilt on its axis. Oh, wait, it’s already tilted. Did we just break the world?

MS Gets on My NervesMS WarriorMS Superhero  

About the Author
About the Author
Penelope Conway

Penelope Conway
Penelope started Positive Living with MS as a way to help others with MS stay positive in the midst of a terrible disease. She believes that staying positive and holding onto hope is the key to waking up each morning with the strength to get through the day. Multiple Sclerosis may never go away, but neither will her determination and her drive to help others through the journey.

14 replies
  1. Aileen Brown says:

    I agree with Vanda Jackson you really find out who your friends are and who really cares about you and there are loads of things to be thankful for – the photo of the little Kurdish boy washed up on a beach has gone viral and made us all think – if nothing else be thankful for being alive and having people who care for you that you have a roof over your head food to eat and clothes to wear even if they’re not designer ones!!!!!

  2. Rodger Ashton-Smith
    Rodger Ashton-Smith says:

    Bloody adds!!!. I have had the occasional thoughts too. But I don’t let them dictate what I do. I would love my life back, however I know that’s not possible. In some ways we are like everyone else. There are many who would like that (and some who wouldn’t). We are different as we have a hard time getting on.

  3. Lori
    Lori says:

    Yes, MS has put things in perspective for me. I get angry. I get frustrated. I get down right furious when I see a young person who is capable of walking, park in a front parking spot, and I have to park in the back and walk with my cane. It makes me want to “enlighten” them. I have had a rought week., but I’m still here. I know some who are stressed over some of the most unnecessary things to be stressed over. Things that won’t even matter in a week. They are simply a matter of inconvenience. My life is sometimes an inconvenience , but it is what is is. I can stress over it, (which, I do sometimes) or I can move on.

  4. Leah
    Leah says:

    After reading your blog, I can honestly say that I have become a better person since having MS. You’re right, fancy cars, designer clothes and shoes etc., are just not that important to me anymore…now that’s saying something as I used to work in the fashion industry. What’s important to me now are my friends, my family, and most of all my adoring husband. I know there are some who struggle with worse health issues and that is what keeps me grateful and getting on with my life daily. MS with all it’s aches and pains has given me a new perspective of what’s really important in life…perhaps something I may never have realized if I was healthy. I’ll never know.

  5. Heather Hendrickson-Jackson says:

    This heps so much right now. I have been on a downward spiral for the last week. Hopeing to do better each day, but still thankful I am still alive and even though I have been in bed for over a week there are still things I can still do.

    • April
      April says:

      I have advanced Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis (Malignant MS, otherwise known as Marburg Variant Multiple Sclerosis).
      My journey with MS has made me envious of people who can walk (even with a cane or a walker…I’d even give anything to walk in any manner at all !!) it’s getting harder and harder to stay positive or find the “bright side” to MS 😐

  6. Roie
    Roie says:

    Well, that just sums it up. I do feel sometimes when I’m sitting somewhere and watching people WALKING past…I do get envious. Once upon a time I would be walking along and dodging people as I went. Ahh…those were the days! But now, I feel I can sit back and ‘crowd watch’ . One of the many things I do when I’m out and about. I have fun people watching! The simple things are very often the most rewarding. I get a giggle most times and I feel ten feet tall sometimes. Watching from the sidelines is a very welcome change for me !!

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