Weary warrior still standing

I am not a resilient, non-wavering, always smiling, never hurting person. I have my moments of being overwhelmed and feeling as if Multiple Sclerosis is getting jabs in before I have time to duck. Just because I’m a positive person doesn’t mean I don’t hurt. That seems to be confusing for some people.

The reality is that some mornings I wake up and Multiple Sclerosis is just an inconvenience to my day, but other times it’s a monster that has me in a choke hold and won’t let go. I’m just telling it like it is. We all know it’s true whether we want to admit it or not. No amount of denial or positive thinking will change the devastation MS brings to our lives.

Sure, we do a pretty good job at slapping on a smile and pretending that everything is okay…stuffing our feelings and fears out of sight. But there always comes a day when we simply can’t stuff those things away any more and all our hurts and fears start leaking out.

And that’s okay. It’s okay to have a meltdown from time to time. It’s okay to feel. It’s okay to cry, scream, rant, or vent about MS. Think about it…you are living with a disease that is slowly eating away at your insides. You are going to have tough days.

Denial isn’t the answer to getting through a life with MS. It’s actually not the answer to getting through anything in life. What gets you through is facing the reality of what is happening and choosing to work through every crazy emotion that comes to the surface; every fear, doubt, hurt, pain, and heartbreak.

Where positivity comes in is not in helping you to pretend that MS doesn’t affect you. Positivity helps you to face MS head on by giving you strength to keep going. When you are able to make it through a day of tears yet still find a smile in your day, not because you are hiding from what’s happening but because it’s the only thing pushing you through to tomorrow, that’s the strength I’m talking about. For me, I draw that positivity from my faith. I couldn’t make it through a day without it.

You may feel like you’re falling apart, but I can see hiding in the shadows, a warrior. That warrior is you and you have not been defeated.  Don’t be concerned that your sword is a little crooked or that your armor is dented and tattered. That just shows you’ve been in the heat of battle. Wear those dents and scars proudly. You’ve earned every one of them…with honor!

MS Gets on My NervesMS WarriorMS Superhero  

About the Author
About the Author
Penelope Conway

Penelope Conway
Penelope started Positive Living with MS as a way to help others with MS stay positive in the midst of a terrible disease. She believes that staying positive and holding onto hope is the key to waking up each morning with the strength to get through the day. Multiple Sclerosis may never go away, but neither will her determination and her drive to help others through the journey.

11 replies
  1. Linda Krupa Quinion O'Connell
    Linda Krupa Quinion O'Connell says:

    I’m feeling sad today. My daughter hung herself due to domestic violence a little over a year ago and I lost 7 other family members in that same year. Its so hard for me to deal with everything. I feel that grief and sorrow every day. I have no motivation to do a darn thing. Having MS is like a curse and I feel I’m being punished. My daughter left three beautiful children and a nursing career behind. I feel if I were there for her more than she would be here today. I have been dropping things since I got up. Broke two glasses and tripped over my cat. I just sat on the floor and cried. I really wanted to scream but than my neighbors would probably call the police. If I could only get some closure to all the deaths than I think I could learn to handle the MS. I just want to go to sleep and wake up after everything is fixed. I’m sick of people asking questions like why I tend to eat softer foods and why I eat so slow and why I am tired and why don’t I go out more, etc etc etc! Enough said. I am sorry if I annoyed anyone but my friends stopped calling and I just sit in my comfy chair and cry. May God bless you all.

    • Paulette Brown
      Paulette Brown says:

      I am so sorry for your losses, NONE of this is your fault-Not your daughters death or the MS. Prayers, Paulette

    • MS Lunch Club Carol
      MS Lunch Club Carol says:

      I am so sorry for your losses. Please remember that you are truly not responsible for the deeds and actions of others…even your daughter. I know this does not help with the grief you must feel. My prayers and thoughts are with you!

  2. Leah
    Leah says:

    Thanks Penelope. I’ll be taking out my sword and shield to polish today. It’s the chain mail armour that I have difficulty putting on.

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