sunrise

The sun will come out tomorrow

I try so hard to keep it together and stay strong. I hold back the tears when my mind wanders and thoughts begin to play in my head…thoughts of what might happen or what could be. I shudder at some of those thoughts and try with everything I have inside me to keep them from playing in my head. Sometimes the stop button is hard to find.

I don’t like it when my mind takes those journeys. It reminds me of just how vulnerable I really am. I do my best to not let others see me in those moments. Most people wouldn’t understand or would ask stupid questions that I have no answers for, so I close the door to my bathroom and let the tears fall. That’s my safe place. The place I can be alone without judgements and lectures.

I don’t have those days nearly as much as in times past, but I still have them. I’m sure I would have a barrel of tears, if not more, if I was to collect each tear that fell. That’s just my reality.

Don’t beat yourself up when you’re having a day of tears. There was a time my “day of tears” was actually “months of tears”. In the beginning of my diagnosis it took time for me to wrap my mind around what was happening in my life. I went through different stages from denial, to anger, to fear, to grief, to acceptance.

I’ve heard from many others who have walked through the same experience. And although each of our journey’s are different, we still have the same monster to face.

When dark clouds loom overhead, when your body reminds you that your weakness is real and Multiple Sclerosis is not leaving, you have the strength to keep holding on. You may not feel like it, but you do. No matter how weak you may feel or how different life has become, keep pushing for a better tomorrow. Tomorrow is full of promise.

Don’t listen to the “what might happen” or “what could happen” thoughts bouncing around in your head, or even that other people may say. Take things a day at a time and refuse to give up. You have so much to offer and a life to live today. I know it can be hard to believe, but you are going to make it.

MS Gets on My NervesMS WarriorMS Superhero  


About the Author
About the Author
Penelope Conway

Penelope Conway
Penelope started Positive Living with MS as a way to help others with MS stay positive in the midst of a terrible disease. She believes that staying positive and holding onto hope is the key to waking up each morning with the strength to get through the day. Multiple Sclerosis may never go away, but neither will her determination and her drive to help others through the journey.

25 replies
  1. Mary Jane
    Mary Jane says:

    Very well-written…. I’m newly diagnosed (10 days ago) and am anxious about everything. I found your website by chance. I’m so happy & blessed to have found it. Today, someone made an insensitive comment about MS to me. I felt agitated and immediately turned to your website. Thank you so much for just being there. It made me calm down and realize that I’m not so alone.

  2. Rodger Ashton-Smith
    Rodger Ashton-Smith says:

    This is a similarly story to what my wife is going through and I have been living with for 26 years (even before MS) She has had 22 years of every form of abuse you can imagine and is getting horrific memory returns, like you have been getting, but with all the crap she has been through. I have learned a lot about traumatic symptoms that effect army patients when they return from war. This unfortunately is the closest studies done from the psychologist area that has been done as what she went through is not ‘believed’ by many who live with shutters.
    Very much like MS people (not suffers) get from ‘healthy’ people and that needs to change. From hat you have written about your safe places need to have security for you so it is a safe place. Don’t let anyone take that away.I don’t think this is just an MS problem but something more personal.

  3. Carla L Broadbent Rogers
    Carla L Broadbent Rogers says:

    Thank you. Your words are the frosting on my cake. People always tell me how “Positive I am about my MS”. I am “positive that I have MS” and I am “POSITIVE that I am not going to BE MS. This uninvited stranger that has moved in, Does not pay rent, does not clean the house, and does not need to take MY Happiness. Easy to say and hard to do. Put on your prettiest big girl panties, don’t forget your protective pads, and step into “Your world” with a smile and happy thoughts. They are yours. Got to get “hoppin” Easter is on it’s way. Be well and BIG group hug to all.

  4. Doug Wineburner
    Doug Wineburner says:

    Nice article I right now just don’t have a lot of happiness in my life my mom passed away april last year I just lost dad February this year and now it just brother and me. H e wants me to go in town on my grandmas street I want to stay out here and go down to old house and build on corner lot we own so I can still have space after putting house on to go outside and all not feeling scrunched in

  5. Anne-Marie Dunks says:

    Absobloody lootly …….. we face each day with a smile even though sometimes it becomes a frown.
    We are alive therefore be thankful that no matter what we can & will keep going. There are too many folk in the world who I love & do not get want to leave. God bless all of us who fight to live each day & do not just exist because life is too short xXx

  6. Leah
    Leah says:

    Like you, I have my share of worries about my decline with MS and my tears come and go. I try to stay strong but it can be difficult at times. Geez, I wish my anxious thoughts would go away.
    Thank you for writing about this…I feel less alone.:)) Happy Easter to you!

  7. Ann M Miller says:

    I just love your writings, you are such an inspiration. . You have a great sense of humor that I can so relate to and you’re so talented at explaining so many things about MS. Thank you for all the knowledge and joy you spread each day, Penelope.

  8. Sherry Kefauver says:

    Thank you. I was in a car wreck December 2012. I was pretty mad at my sister for struggling so hard to keep me alive. My argument was that I had a Living Will & I could have gone on without even having a clue. The hospital & rehab people let me know that I probably wouldn’t have died. The measures taken just helped keep the brain cells that I still had & give me some functioning back. But I have been extremely miserable at work lately which drug up some “if only” thoughts last night. It was great to see this post first thing this morning when I logged into Facebook. I love your posts & you very often are timely. We appreciate you & all you do here for us. Thank you.

    • Carla L Broadbent Rogers
      Carla L Broadbent Rogers says:

      We can leave the April showers to Mother Nature and look forward to the May flowers. Be well .

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