If you could turn my body inside out, you would see the faulty wiring that exists in my brain and spine. I have frayed and damaged nerves running rampant there. Some of those nerves have been crudely repaired, but most haven’t been able to be fixed. So if you want to know why I have a hard time walking, talking, seeing, thinking, or even feeling…I blame my enemy of enemies, Multiple Sclerosis.
For some reason my immune system to think that my nerves shouldn’t be a part of making me work. As crazy as it sounds, it thinks I shouldn’t need them at all. Who ever heard of a body working without nerves, or as I call them…wires? I’m not a sci-fi anomaly. I need my nerves to function…and lots of them.
But it seems my immune system thinks differently. It thinks all the wires that connect each part of my body together are invaders, so war has been declared. An all out war too, and I have no way of calling it off.
So far, my immune system seems to be winning the fight. It’s doing everything it can to destroy every wire it finds. Hours, days, and even years have been spent chewing and gnawing away at each wire it finds. You would think they were made out of cotton candy or something tantalizingly delicious…or at least made out of chocolate.
I’ve tried explaining to my immune system that the wires inside my body that it keeps munching on are necessary and that without them I will fall apart, but as of today it doesn’t believe me. It won’t call the war off. I’m not sure when my immune system and my nerves will learn to live in harmony with each another, but I sure wish it would happen soon. It’s exhausting having a war going on inside my body, especially one that no one else can see.
Until a truce is met and a treaty signed, I wake up each day to a battle. And each day the question becomes “who will win today?”
Just as I ask that question, my brain pipes up and says, “Forget about them, your heart will win today.”
As I ponder that thought for a moment, I remember that regardless of the fight my body is facing, my heart will keep beating and giving life. My heart will bring joy and give peace in a place of chaos. My heart will find purpose in a crazy mixed up life. Today, I will stay in the fight and let my heart win.