Where did the trustworthy people go?

My biggest pet peeve is people who say one thing and then either do the exact opposite or nothing at all. I’m finding it harder and harder to believe what people say and that they will do what they say they will do…unless they are getting a paycheck in return (and even then it’s not always true).

It’s sad really. As my health declines, my circle of friends decrease with it. It seems that happens to everyone I talk to when it comes to living with a chronic illness. It’s easy to commit to helping someone for a month or two, but anything longer than that becomes a burden and people find other things to take up their time.

When did society stop caring for the sick? It’s easy for someone to post a status saying how much they care about others or to share a picture of sunshine and roses to say have a great day, but to actually get their hands dirty and physically do something is waining. You just don’t see that much anymore.

People seem to want recognition by the masses, press coverage and plaques of achievement to hang on their wall to show off their accomplishments. I’m just sitting here at home needing my trash taken out and can offer a hug in return. Not much. But a hug will last longer than any 15 minutes of fame. After all, a hug is eternal.

I am pretty good at faking being okay for a few hours if someone where to stop by to visit or I needed to go to the store. Make-up and hairspray does wonders. But come live with me for just a day and you would see how tough life actually is.

Don’t just assume because we are silent, we are okay. Most of the time we get tired of always asking people for help and getting excuses in return that we simply quit asking. Sure, you can fault us for that. We should be more persistent in voicing our needs. But the flip side to that is when we are persistent, we get a defensive response that basically becomes a “sorry, I’m busy” reply.

My advice. Hang onto those that have proven their word time and time again. Shower them with thanks and gratitude as often as you can so they know their work and help is needed, valued and appreciated. Get creative and come up with a back-up plan for all the others that disappoint you.

I’ve had to do that more than I can count. I have those “maybe-they-will-keep-their-word” friends and have learned to not really hold tight to their commitments. It makes for lots of disappointments, but I’ve learned to shrug them off each time because I don’t keep high expectations any longer when it comes to them anyway.

Never let other people’s actions keep you from knowing how incredible you really are. You truly are an amazing person. You may be living with an incurable, unrelenting, horrible disease, but you are AWESOME!

MS Gets on My NervesMS WarriorMS Superhero  

About the Author
About the Author
Penelope Conway

Penelope Conway
Penelope started Positive Living with MS as a way to help others with MS stay positive in the midst of a terrible disease. She believes that staying positive and holding onto hope is the key to waking up each morning with the strength to get through the day. Multiple Sclerosis may never go away, but neither will her determination and her drive to help others through the journey.

22 replies
    KELLY POTEET says:

    I struggle with depression on a daily basis. Some days can be down right miserable! I take Cymbalta 60MG 2 times daily. I am glad you brought this topic up!

  2. Joy
    Joy says:

    Me and mom and have not really been that close but I do have to say that she has been a great support as she has a lot going on with her mom and other family members.. The kids of 27 and 26 are doing okay with this and someone out of the blue is will to help-have to wait and see about that one..

    I so enjoy what you write It seems like you are living with me or watching through a window… It’s great to know we all struggle with this.. Now I’m going to start to PRAY about it and how we can improve this… I love a challenge…. I know it will not happen overnight but let’s not give up hope..

    Just the other day I was down again and noticed the infection I thought was gone was not. And that was maybe why I have been down.

  3. Kim IceQueen says:

    This is a deep one. In our own minds. We can get to that point of isolation and toxic people in our lives can do that to us too. Deep….I’m guilty of withdrawing in lately….thank you for putting this out there

  4. Karen Austin says:

    This is so true and really sad. I guess people wonder why I don’t ask for help anymore unless there is a monetary value attached. I wish they could experience what it is like to be in our shoes and maybe they would have more compassion. I lost almost everyone when I was dx with MS but I know those people are not worth my while. Hugs to you.

  5. Robert Barbour says:

    Maybe because the govt. pretends to look after everyone with fixed responses. Don’t ever get in their way unless you want a fight. Care is never part of the package just writen procedures.

  6. Barbara
    Barbara says:

    It is true . My circle of friends has become small. I am the elephant in the room that is better to avoid. Thank god for my daughter who always supports my efforts and cheers me on when I hit my lowest point. For those who do not want to be around, it is ok. God always sends His angels to support us. “Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.”

  7. Bonnie Burkley says:

    What a wonderful testimony of the real “us”….i too picked up on fake people years ago…let me tell you, as you stated, that’s when the cream rises to the top. The real people will call to see about you and will be with you come Hell or high water!! Thank you, sweetie…as one who was dx 1980….36yrs. of MS….you nailed it including extended family!!✨

  8. Heather Adsit says:

    I think many of us do have that pet peeve.

    I got so tired of fake friends and fake people…. I lost my mind the other day in a depression moment.

    My family told me…. be careful what you say.

    Although I really was in the wrong. Bad temper and adititude.

    I actually didn’t care who I lost from it.

    It’s honestly a great feeling 🙂

    It’s so sad how many walk away.
    Make promises they can’t keep…

    Or those who get upset when you have a human moment.

    But I’m learning… who cares 🙂

    Real friends and people know… life happens 🙂

    We make mistakes… get sick… get to tired to keep up.
    But that’s human… isn’t it 😉

    It’s how we rise above it 🙂

    Being one who lives pay check to pay check with only a small bit to Spair to do things with each month…. I have allot of people who have judged me thinking I just don’t want to get out or visit.

    They don’t get how ms sucks you dry when it comes to money.
    Then add the energy factor..

    Ya some of us…. it takes a while to do things.
    But we are still here 🙂

    I think real people and real friends know not everyone can be present all the time.

    Those who show up when you least expect it 🙂
    Those who are there when you truly need them 🙂

    Those are the real people 🙂

    Don’t let the fake ones bring you down 🙂

    I think many are so tired of fake… and many see who they are.

    But where did the real ones go?

    Yes.. it dose seem there is less :/

    I guess it’s the times we live in :/

    Just know…

    There are real people out there who do care 🙂
    And even though we are a smaller group.
    We are know how to support eachother 😉

    Stay strong 🙂

    Stay real 😉

    • Rodger Ashton-Smith
      Rodger Ashton-Smith says:

      Wow that’s a great bit of writing.. You are right about the unreal people, they just look after themselves and only ‘need’ you when they want something from you.
      They have been around for a long time and effect many with their triviality and empty lives.
      I find it is better to keep away from them as it can be bad for us to let them alter our lives.

    • Rodger Ashton-Smith
      Rodger Ashton-Smith says:

      As I wrote previously below there are a lot of unreal people inhabiting our world. They have always been there and always will. t is best to identify them then leave them alone.before you get left alone.
      I feel it is important to have people around you can trust to do what they say and o help you.We all need that type of company to get us through. An on’t forget try to be that type of person to others so they can’t misjudge you,

  9. Shannon Powell says:

    Society has adopted that entitlement mentality. They all want something for nothing. The promise of anything “free” entices them even tho “free” actually costs them more in the long run. It’s an “all about me” mentality. Society has changed a lot and not for the better.

  10. Jim Wilson
    Jim Wilson says:

    I’ve noticed that my circle of close friends is growing smaller, or at least they always have other things to do. God bless my wife!

  11. Leah
    Leah says:

    I’ve come to the conclusion that society is just not committed to much anymore. Promises are not kept, decisions are difficult to make, promptness and meeting deadlines are rarely met. Surprisingly, with all our advanced high speed technology results are still delayed. “Sitting on the fence” and being “politically correct” seem to be the norm today. Unfortunate but true.
    Sounds pessimistic?…no just realistic. Better to keep expectations low and avoid disappointment later. Fortunately, I still have support from most of my friends…yet for how long,…time will tell.

  12. Stacy Neuman says:

    You aren’t the only one with this pet peeve, to me it’s like lying…which is my pet peeve. Fake friends, fake people… We live in a fake society now.I stopped asking once I finally caught on, it’s just past sad 🙁

  13. Leslie
    Leslie says:

    I guess I’m one of the lucky ones. My experience is people are more than happy to help…open a door, give me a ride, wipe up my spilled tea, I just need to ask more. I’ve needed to learn people can’t read my mind! What surprise!

  14. Leslie Beaver says:

    Never understood this. Even those who say “I’ll be there at …”. And then are late. Always late. If I say it then I mean to do as stated. Period. Full stop. And only an unexpected happening can alter my plan.

    • DA Brown says:

      My prob is my MS makes me want to do stuff but not be able to when the time comes. Most frustrating and my family finds it hard to cope with…

    • Leslie Beaver says:

      DA Brown and that most certainly falls under my “unexpected happening” category. For we with ms or anyone dealing with a diagnosed condition.

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