I have been waking up lately to some of the most terrible, horrific, pounding headaches of my life. It feels like someone is playing an entire basketball game in my head complete with extra trick shots, buzzers and a loud screaming crowd in the stands, only I’m the one that’s doing all the screaming.
I become completely useless trying to function when every movement hurts and when light only makes everything worse. Can the sun delay coming up for a few more hours? Please?!
It’s terrible waking up to pain especially when it’s something you can’t do anything about. Add to that all the other unexpected surprises that Multiple Sclerosis throws at you and you end up feeling like you’re trapped in a never ending nightmare. I think I even saw Freddy Krueger hiding somewhere in the shadows.
And people wonder why so many of us are anti-social. Well, we aren’t anti-social. We are just pro-survival. We do everything we can do, everyday, just to take part in this life we have been given with some semblance of normality. Our fight began the day we were diagnosed and it’s never stopped just because we went to bed and woke up to a new day.
Each day is a gift and something we are grateful to have been given, but sometimes even gifts need to be returned or exchanged for something better. Today, I would like to exchange my day for a time on the beach away from from heat sensitivity, pain, dizziness, fatigue, weakness, muscle spasms and tremors.
We didn’t ask for MS…none of us did. We didn’t cause it and we surely don’t deserve it. But since it’s here we have to make do with what we’ve got. If all you can do today is get out of bed and shower, then by all means, get out of bed and shower. If you can go to work, then do it. If you can fold some laundry in between naps, do it.
Do whatever you can, while you can. Today belongs to you. No pity parties. No complaining. Just breathe and be. That’s what I’m going to be doing. I am pushing through the struggle at each moment and with each breath I’m making it.
None of us asked for this fight, but we aren’t quitters either, so we fight on. Today, take a deep breath and go forth. Slay the dragons and imprison the monsters. Hold your head high because you are a valiant warrior.
Your armor might show signs of wear and carry the damage and dings to prove it, but that doesn’t make you a less-than warrior. That makes you one of the mighty. Fight on mighty warrior. Fight on!