Lately I’ve been losing every argument I have with my body. I haven’t been to the mailbox in days. Yes, I said days. Actually, it’s been almost an entire week. I know there is mail out there. Envelopes that are probably lonely, cold and scared of the dark, but it’s just not that important to me right now. I’m sure if there was a million dollar check in the pile I would be able to convince my body to venture out, but since it’s mostly all just loan offers and advertisements, what’s the point?!
I’m so good with planning my day. I was a “schedule everything” kind of person years ago, but because of Multiple Sclerosis my schedules keep getting wiped clean. My body simply refuses to cooperate with any sort of schedule.
Case in point: This morning, I woke up and my body was screaming at me to stay in bed. (I really think it has some type of anxiety separation disorder with the bed.) But there it was screaming at me to not get up, and my schedule kept saying “Get a shower, there are things that you need to do today.”
Well, wouldn’t you know it…my body won the argument. An hour later and I still haven’t had my shower. I actually haven’t even gotten out of bed yet. I’m writing to you from the comfort of warm blankets and lots of pillows. My body is happy, but me, I’m readjusting my schedule to fit in the change of events.
You’d think I would have learned by now not to plan anything first thing in the morning because my body will never cooperates that early. I can’t plan anything later in the day either. The same things happen. It seems I have only a short window of time, between the hours of 10 and 1 in my day, when I am able to function at my best.
I have to keep reminding myself that my body is not the same as it was before MS. That I have limits and limitations. Somehow, I never remember what those limits are until the time comes to test them out. I think it’s because I always want to at least try even if I fail in my trying. I’d rather fail trying than to not try at all. I don’t remember who said that, but it’s so true.
We live our lives around trying, trying and trying again. We may fail a gazilion times, but if we succeed even once, wow…what an accomplishment. Don’t ever stop trying and don’t lose heart when you fail either. Be proud of yourself for trying, for being. Be proud of the person that you are. You are strong, resilient, an amazing fighter, an overcomer, and a warrior. You didn’t ask for the fight you are in, but you won’t back down in the heat of battle either. Be proud of that. I know I am sure proud of you.