My body just won’t cooperate

Lately I’ve been losing every argument I have with my body. I haven’t been to the mailbox in days. Yes, I said days. Actually, it’s been almost an entire week. I know there is mail out there. Envelopes that are probably lonely, cold and scared of the dark, but it’s just not that important to me right now. I’m sure if there was a million dollar check in the pile I would be able to convince my body to venture out, but since it’s mostly all just loan offers and advertisements, what’s the point?!

I’m so good with planning my day. I was a “schedule everything” kind of person years ago, but because of Multiple Sclerosis my schedules keep getting wiped clean. My body simply refuses to cooperate with any sort of schedule.

Case in point: This morning, I woke up and my body was screaming at me to stay in bed. (I really think it has some type of anxiety separation disorder with the bed.) But there it was screaming at me to not get up, and my schedule kept saying “Get a shower, there are things that you need to do today.”

Well, wouldn’t you know it…my body won the argument. An hour later and I still haven’t had my shower. I actually haven’t even gotten out of bed yet. I’m writing to you from the comfort of warm blankets and lots of pillows. My body is happy, but me, I’m readjusting my schedule to fit in the change of events.

You’d think I would have learned by now not to plan anything first thing in the morning because my body will never cooperates that early. I can’t plan anything later in the day either. The same things happen. It seems I have only a short window of time, between the hours of 10 and 1 in my day, when I am able to function at my best.

I have to keep reminding myself that my body is not the same as it was before MS. That I have limits and limitations. Somehow, I never remember what those limits are until the time comes to test them out. I think it’s because I always want to at least try even if I fail in my trying. I’d rather fail trying than to not try at all. I don’t remember who said that, but it’s so true.

We live our lives around trying, trying and trying again. We may fail a gazilion times, but if we succeed even once, wow…what an accomplishment. Don’t ever stop trying and don’t lose heart when you fail either. Be proud of yourself for trying, for being. Be proud of the person that you are. You are strong, resilient, an amazing fighter, an overcomer, and a warrior. You didn’t ask for the fight you are in, but you won’t back down in the heat of battle either. Be proud of that. I know I am sure proud of you.

MS Gets on My NervesMS WarriorMS Superhero  

About the Author
About the Author
Penelope Conway

Penelope Conway
Penelope started Positive Living with MS as a way to help others with MS stay positive in the midst of a terrible disease. She believes that staying positive and holding onto hope is the key to waking up each morning with the strength to get through the day. Multiple Sclerosis may never go away, but neither will her determination and her drive to help others through the journey.

37 replies
  1. shari
    shari says:

    Hi Pennelope, I came across some photos on a web site called Alice in Paris Loves Art & Tea. ( nov. 13th )
    The photos were titled ” Courage ” In the moment when these images came into view, they made me think of you Pennelope & all of your MS followers. They show this amazing tree growing out of a gigantic rock base on the shores of the east coast, the roots of the tree are buried in the rock, some are growing on top of the rock and yet it blooms with the beautiful fall foliage. The photos of this amazing oak tree, spoke volumes to me about the idominal spirit that lies within each and everyone, sometimes germinating and at other times they are out there in all their glory, never easy but always showing up. Sheligh says it so well, “It prevails given the tinest opportunity.” Your blog says it all.

    I tried to share the photos, however I am afraid you will have to click on the website to be able to view them, please check them out. Photo credit goes to Shelagh Duffitt106

  2. Angela Hope says:

    I no longer schedule anything. I completely fly by the seat of my pants. To plan is to fail. I go when I can & push until I can’t go anymore. If I pause to rest, I shut down completely

  3. Rodger Ashton-Smith
    Rodger Ashton-Smith says:

    That sounds like MS has found a way to stop you. Last Sunday night at around 12:00pm we had another earthquake that shook me out of bed and carried on for a few minutes. It felt like a MS attack but the whole house shook and it felt like 5 years ago. So getting out of bed hasn’t been a problem for me yet. lol

  4. Elizabeth Karroll says:

    Oh how I can relate to this. I can’t schedule anything in the am or sometimes around 3-5. It’s ridiculous because you have to disappoint people. And sometimes they don’t understand. That just makes you feel worse.

  5. Roland Clarke
    Roland Clarke says:

    Feel sorry for you Penelope, and can relate. However, my MS gets worse when I want to go to bed…in fact, I haven’t been able to sleep in a bed for over a month. Having said that, and having read your post, my MS is coming out in support.

  6. Rachel
    Rachel says:

    Oh Penelope did I need to read these thoughts, truths & words today. I know the frustrations we all face are so real, so reading your words just affirms our thoughts. Thank you for always putting things, life into perspective. Thank you for making me, and hopefully us, feel validated and whole!! ❤️

  7. Linda OCONNELL
    Linda OCONNELL says:

    I hope you feel better Penelope. I’m usually very positive but for the past week i I have been super depressed about everything. I’m sick of not being able to do things. I drop things. I ache. I cry. My house needs cleaning. Theres cat hair everywhere. I don’t want to move. My granddaughter does Motocross and races on weekends and I force myself to go with hubby because I refuse to disappoint her. She lives with us and is 21yr old. Her mom, my beautiful daughter Megan hung herself due to domestic violence 2yrs ago. I also lost 8 family members within that same year (2014) All that stress just did me in. My 2 other grandkids are with the father and he wont let me see them because he said that my house reminds them too much of my Megan. I am so sorry to vent to you when so many of you are worse than me and I pray everyday for all my MS friends. I wish you all have a nice day and I’m going to try to perk myself up here. Thank you for letting me complain. I love you all! ❤❤❤

    • Penelope Conway
      Penelope Conway says:

      I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time right now Linda. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain in the loss of your daughter but am so thankful that you are there to raise a wonderful granddaughter…a part of Megan herself. You are an inspiration. Sending lots of love and hugs your way today. xoxo

  8. Debbie Jennes says:

    It is truly a live in the moment kind of disease. Makes you enjoy the calm non-challenging times and it makes you find your inner strength for the times that you feel are simply too difficult to fight again. One has to simply go with the flow.

  9. Sharon
    Sharon says:

    Sorry you are having a gone down the rabbit hole day. Sorry that I can totally relate to it and I am the one that has to pull myself together and function as my husband suffers from chronic eye pain from a botched sinus surgery 30 years ago. Days are often a true challenge. May we all find some good hours and happier moments. There is great comfort in sharing.

  10. Lynn Gavlock says:

    I keep telling myself, no matter what, get up, do your hair and makeup every day…even if it’s just to lay back down, haha, so far, so good….some days it just gets done later than others 🙂

  11. Lisa
    Lisa says:

    This was a good read with my morning coffee! As hard as it is, it is also so nice to know that there are people out there that totally “get it”. I keep a sign in my bathroom that says “one day at a time” as a constant reminder that today will be today but who knows what tomorrow can bring 💜

  12. Leah
    Leah says:

    I tend to lay a heavy guilt trip on myself when I don’t accomplish what I set out to do. I know I should be more forgiving towards myself but this seems to be easier said than done. MS controls my movements and has now crept up on my conscious. God I hate this illness!

    • KaLyah
      KaLyah says:

      I completely understand what you are saying and even feeling. Fairly “newly ” diagnosed myself 8/23/14…hence this game is new to me as well! However, I simply take life as it comes and KEEP it moving!!! I mean what is meant to be WILL be so I don’t worry about it. Stress is NOT conducive to my health. Therefore I REFUSE to give into STRESS. NOT about to add fuel to the 🔥🔥🔥…NOPE NOPE NOPE not trying to “expedite” the process😉. I do what I can and the rest I do NOT worry about because stress is NOT conducive to my health… NOT trying to kill me!!! NOPE NOPE NOPE!!! In fact none of our health needs any additional shenanigans added to it!!! Now true enough MS is a hard pill to swallow however please just continue to do YOUR best and just KEEP it moving. If sometimes YOUR best is simply opening your eyes…that’s YOUR best and don’t worry about the rest. Just KEEP it moving!!! #hangintherewith☝🏾️HIM☝🏾️you GOT this😉#keepinmindeverybodysbestisdiffertjustdoYOURbest👊🏾👍🏾👍🏾👊🏾

  13. Kevin McPherson says:

    Totally relatable! My profession was Project Management, so the MS influence has totally shattered my world with its flighty and fickle behaviors! But like the rest of the MS targets, I soldier on the best I can, smiling all the while

  14. Dorothy
    Dorothy says:

    Oh how very much you cheered me up. This morning I didn’t want to get up but I did anyhow because lying in bed is more uncomfortable than sitting in my wheelchair. I had a battle with the duvet which must have gained weight overnight and didn’t want to let me out! I eventually won that one but getting my shoes and socks on was a different battle entirely.

  15. Linda Westmoreland says:

    I stopped scheduling anything …I just say wait until tomorrow and you will know if you feel like doing anything and if I do feel like it I tend to do more than I should and suffer the next day !!! MS ..well if you have it you know what I am talking about..but I still keep trying to do my best when I can !!!!

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