I watched the sun come up

I watched the sun come up this morning. Not because I woke up early. Not because I had tickets to a front row seat at the Sunrise Theatre. Not because my schedule happens to be so busy that it requires an early morning wake-up call. Not even because I snored so loud that I woke myself up. No, I watched the sun come up because I never went to sleep in the first place.

I tried though. Really, I did. I got in bed last night around 9:30 PM. I lay there yawning and yawning, tossing and turning. I actually yawned so much that I had to keep wiping my eyes due to the amount of tears they were creating. I even wound up taking something to help me get to sleep in hopes that I would nod off since my body was so exhausted. But nothing worked.

I watched the hours tick by…
11 o’clock
12 o’clock
1 o’clock
2 o’clock
3 o’clock
4 o’clock
5 o’clock…morning.

I hate nights like that.

There’s no reason for me to have not slept either. I did have a few unexpected muscle spasms that sent my body jolting in different direction, but I’m normally able to work my way through those without too much trouble. Isn’t it weird how we learn to cope with some of the craziest symptoms as if that’s normal for everybody?

I’m downing some coffee as I write this hoping that it will keep me functioning enough to get through the day. I know my yawns will be frequent, my thoughts will be jumbled, my body will be weaker, but it’s okay because I know I will have another chance to sleep tonight. It’s even possible I will be able to get a short nap in later in the day to help push me through.

One thing’s for sure, I’m exhausted today. Exhausted but thankful that I have a today to get through. It may not the be best day. It may be far from perfect. It may be filled with struggles, pain, frustrations and weariness. But it also has the possibility of bringing with it smiles, laughter, hope and strength.

I’m going to look for those things. I’m going to look for the good. It may be hiding under the bills on the counter or in the laundry basket down the hall, but I’m going to find something about today that makes me smile.

Oh, look. I just saw a deer…no, two deer…walking through my back yard. How sweet. They even paused for a minute to look at me through the window as I’m sitting here on the couch. See, I’ve already found a smile and the sun is still waking up. It’s going to be a good day!

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About the Author
About the Author
Penelope Conway

Penelope Conway
Penelope started Positive Living with MS as a way to help others with MS stay positive in the midst of a terrible disease. She believes that staying positive and holding onto hope is the key to waking up each morning with the strength to get through the day. Multiple Sclerosis may never go away, but neither will her determination and her drive to help others through the journey.

24 replies
  1. Roland Clarke
    Roland Clarke says:

    Commiserate as pain keeps me waking up after short bouts of rest that leave me exhausted most days.

  2. Rodger Ashton-Smith
    Rodger Ashton-Smith says:

    That’s pretty cool we live in the city and don’t see much wildlife just cats and dogs. Speaking of late nights I remember a few when we had 24hr and 48hr parties and that was voluntary not forced. So it’s something like but different. I would love to see a sunrise again. It may happen sometime.

  3. Margo McKay says:

    Been there loads of times, it’s the worst feeling because you know you’ll have to sleep during the day and miss everything that’s happening during the day, and then you can’t sleep that night again.

  4. Tara Hicks
    Tara Hicks says:

    Does anyone else have lifetime box seats to “I wanna go to bed” theater? SOOOO SLEEPY & the problem is staying awake & not ALWAYS being SOOO SLEEPY. This is a wonderful beautiful post, but could anyone even be wonderful or beautiful about being constantly exhausted? I REALLY need help with that…I was just diagnosed July 9th this year & have yet to be put on any type of medicine, so maybe there’s hope for me? I have lived thinking this was just part of getting older, but then on July 9th I was diagnosed at the hospital after falling & cracking open my chin while walking with my 4 & 6 year old. In a wagon just to get them out of the house. I was exhausted, but didn’t want my kids to suffer from mommy being so sleepy all the time & I use to walk all the time. Since that day this has been an insane downward spiral out of nowhere.

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