lost & found

I lost my brain

Today I was jolted awake with the thought, “Oh, no…what day is it?” It was a sudden thought. One that I didn’t have time to fully process. My brain just couldn’t seem to work things out on its own. It was as if someone had poured sticky, gooey, hot molasses all over it. At least molasses would have been a valid excuse to have. Having an MS brain isn’t as easily explained.

On days like today when my brain just doesn’t seem to be able to process one single thought properly, I find myself working extra hard to make up for it. I pause while I’m talking to help as I’m searching for the right words to say, I take notes to help keep me on track, I even defer to others so they can finish what I’m saying. It’s amazing how extremely exhausting all that is. Thinking to think is hard work.

This morning, I can’t even do that much. This morning is an “I lost my brain” kind of morning.

I can only imagine the person who accidentally stumbles across this weird looking blob called my brain lying somewhere between the mailbox and the bathroom. Will they even know what they have found? I hope my brain returns soon because as of right now…all I can do is simply roll over and go back to bed.

I think my brain ran away because it was having to work too many hours and decided it needed a vacation. I wish it would have let me in on its plan though because I would have loved a vacation right about now. Anyone up for a trip to the caribbean?

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About the Author
About the Author
Penelope Conway

Penelope Conway
Penelope started Positive Living with MS as a way to help others with MS stay positive in the midst of a terrible disease. She believes that staying positive and holding onto hope is the key to waking up each morning with the strength to get through the day. Multiple Sclerosis may never go away, but neither will her determination and her drive to help others through the journey.

9 replies
  1. Rodger Ashton-Smith
    Rodger Ashton-Smith says:

    I know what you mean Penelope. That is a good picture of a ‘Fogged Brain’. and I use to have one. It’s not a happy place just a over-confused place. ith the treatment I had taken it cleared up my thoughts and memory and I looked back at my life and say a nightmare time for 14 years.
    Thank you for your time of reality as you go through life that seems so familiar and yet different.

  2. Mary Rose
    Mary Rose says:

    I totally agree with how lonely MS can be. My family & friends (well most of my family and friends), seem to try to understand my cognitive issues but there just doesn’t seem to be a way to explain how my brain switches on and off and randomly just “goes on vacation” entirely.

    I love this blog because it helps so much to know I’m not going insane and that I’m not the only person who goes through this. You help me see that these problems are REAL things and not just me imagining them or (as some “friends” say), choosing to be lazy.
    Thank you for sharing your experiences. By doing so, you help me everyday.

    • Jana Morgan
      Jana Morgan says:

      I really agree with you Mary and it does get lonely as many do not understand anything about what we are going through! Cripes I don’t even understand it most of the time! I do get sick of thinking I am going crazy I must admit!

  3. Nancy Jones
    Nancy Jones says:

    We are with you Penelope. This was a difficult morning for you, and I think we can all identify with what has happened. Thank you for sharing with us; I’m sure you would have rather just gone back to bed and said to heck with everything! I know I would have.

  4. Jamie Lynn Carter says:

    Somedays being an MS’er can feel so very lonely and I tend to feel sometimes that maybe Im the only one experiencing these same things. I truly appreciate your honesty and openness about it all. Its comforting to know Im really not alone!!

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