Some mornings I wake up strengthless. Where it takes all the energy I built up overnight just to drag my legs over the side of the bed to start my day. Many times as soon as my feet hit the floor, I’m ready to go back to bed.
It would be amazing to be like one of those online game characters who gains lives for taking a break. You would think I could gain more strength than I do with a night of sleep, but I think that would mean I would have to actually have a night of sleep.
My nights are normally not filled with restful sleep. They tend to have moments of tossing and turning, pain, bathroom trips, muscle spasms, and an overactive brain that won’t stop talking. It’s kind of hard to sleep with all that going on. I haven’t had a restful night of sleep in years and the times I do actually sleep, it seems to not help as much as it should.
But just because my body is strengthless, just because I can’t run a marathon or walk into the next room without a lot of help, that doesn’t mean I’m powerless. Most of the time when I have exhausted myself doing the simplest of things, I just breathe. Breathing is good.
Like this morning, I sat on the edge of my bed exhausted and worn out saying to myself “in through the nose, out through the mouth.” I don’t know why, but it calms me when I remind myself to just breathe. I figure as long as I’m breathing, I’m fighting…and since I’m fighting, I’m not powerless.
I’m not my illness. I’m not my disability. I’m not useless, hopeless or a lost cause. I’m me. And the same goes for you. You are not your Multiple Sclerosis. You may be weak and exhausted even at the start of your day, but you aren’t broken and you definitely aren’t powerless. You’re just bent and cracked in a few places, but that just adds character.
If I can shower, dress myself and keep pressing on, I’m not powerless. And even when I can’t do all those things on my own, I’m still not powerless. I’m simply me and you are you, and so we fight, so we breathe!