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sleepy

Sleep? What’s that?

I can’t tell you what a good night of sleep feels like because I don’t remember the last time I had one. Most nights I either toss and turn due to insomnia, continually wake up because the pain is relentless, or I actually sleep for hours yet still have the ability to wake up without getting any sleep. The kind of tired I feel on a daily basis just can’t be explained in a simple word: exhausted, ready to drop, fatigued, sleepy, run-down, pooped, worn out…nope, they just don’t explain my kind of tired.

The description I have of Multiple Sclerosis fatigue is the way someone feels after they’ve not slept in two days straight and then hiked 50 miles up the side of a mountain while carrying a backpack loaded with rocks on the hottest day of the year. But who in their right mind is going to attempt that kind of journey to truly understand what my tired feels like? It just doesn’t seem possible to feel tired like that every day. But then again, my body does a lot of things that don’t make sense.

For those that may have forgotten, my body is in rebellion and has turned on itself. That’s what Multiple Sclerosis is. My immune system has become overly charged with super power strength and sees my Central Nervous System as the enemy. It’s an amazing fighter, my immune system, it’s just fighting the wrong thing. It’s attacking what my body needs most to function properly.

And if you should think the Central Nervous System isn’t all that important, I would challenge you to find one thing in life that you can do without it. Our nerves are a part of everything we do from seeing, to walking, to eating, to sleeping, and even to yawning, blinking and sitting still. Have you ever had a pinched nerve in your back, leg or shoulder? Yeah, that didn’t feel so good, did it? Now imagine nerve problems like that which can’t be fixed with an adjustment or a pill because the nerves aren’t simply pinched…they are chewed up, and many times unrepairable. I would love to be able to simply un-pinch my nerves in order to feel better.

I’m yawning as I write this and can feel I need a nap already and I haven’t even gotten out of bed yet. I look forward to the day I wake up and Multiple Sclerosis is no more. That’s my dream…and I’m sticking to it.