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armor

Weary warrior still standing

I am not a resilient, non-wavering, always smiling, never hurting person. I have my moments of being overwhelmed and feeling as if Multiple Sclerosis is getting jabs in before I have time to duck. Just because I’m a positive person doesn’t mean I don’t hurt. That seems to be confusing for some people.

The reality is that some mornings I wake up and Multiple Sclerosis is just an inconvenience to my day, but other times it’s a monster that has me in a choke hold and won’t let go. I’m just telling it like it is. We all know it’s true whether we want to admit it or not. No amount of denial or positive thinking will change the devastation MS brings to our lives.

Sure, we do a pretty good job at slapping on a smile and pretending that everything is okay…stuffing our feelings and fears out of sight. But there always comes a day when we simply can’t stuff those things away any more and all our hurts and fears start leaking out.

And that’s okay. It’s okay to have a meltdown from time to time. It’s okay to feel. It’s okay to cry, scream, rant, or vent about MS. Think about it…you are living with a disease that is slowly eating away at your insides. You are going to have tough days.

Denial isn’t the answer to getting through a life with MS. It’s actually not the answer to getting through anything in life. What gets you through is facing the reality of what is happening and choosing to work through every crazy emotion that comes to the surface; every fear, doubt, hurt, pain, and heartbreak.

Where positivity comes in is not in helping you to pretend that MS doesn’t affect you. Positivity helps you to face MS head on by giving you strength to keep going. When you are able to make it through a day of tears yet still find a smile in your day, not because you are hiding from what’s happening but because it’s the only thing pushing you through to tomorrow, that’s the strength I’m talking about. For me, I draw that positivity from my faith. I couldn’t make it through a day without it.

You may feel like you’re falling apart, but I can see hiding in the shadows, a warrior. That warrior is you and you have not been defeated.  Don’t be concerned that your sword is a little crooked or that your armor is dented and tattered. That just shows you’ve been in the heat of battle. Wear those dents and scars proudly. You’ve earned every one of them…with honor!