I woke up in tears yesterday. No reason. Nothing bad happened to me in the middle of the night. I didn’t wake up from a nightmare, my goldfish didn’t die and I wasn’t in a lot of unbearable pain. My emotions just went haywire all on their own. I hate when that happens. I take meds to help keep my emotions stabilized, but yesterday’s dose must have been a dud.
Multiple Sclerosis has this way of messing with a person’s emotions. Sometimes there’s a valid reason for the crazy mood swings we experience. Things like the fact that we are dealing with daily challenges and changes in life that sometimes become overwhelming and difficult to handle.
But there are actual times when our emotions get all out of whack for no reason other than the fact that the wiring in our brain is short circuiting and meddling in our emotions. That really does happen. MS messes with my ability to walk, think, talk, see, and sometimes it seems to get bored doing all that and decides to get its grubby little hands on how I feel too. It seems nothing is off limits to this monster.
When the nurse got to my house for her normal visit, I was sobbing into a sock. (Don’t judge. I didn’t have any tissue nearby so I used what I had. Besides, socks actually work pretty good as tissues.) Just having her with me helped to calm my tears.
Sometimes someone assuring you that things are going to be okay really does help. Sometimes all we need is a hug, a kind word, a gentle touch, or a hand to hold. Although those things don’t change what’s happening in our life or restructure our brain, they comfort the heart.
If I could reach through the screen to you, I’d hold your hand and remind you of how truly amazing you are. I’d listen to you talk about your struggles, your challenges, your fears, and remind you that no matter what you are facing, you are strong…much stronger than you think. I’d cry with you, make you giggle and let you have my last cookie. (You know you’re special if I share my cookies with you.)
If today is a “cry in your oatmeal” kind of day…cry. It’s okay to do that. Let it all out. Then dry your tears and remind yourself that you are a champion, a winner, a warrior. You may not feel like one, but you are.
Don’t stop trying to be the best you can be regardless of MS or whatever else you may be facing. I believe in you.