Sometimes I cry

I woke up in tears yesterday. No reason. Nothing bad happened to me in the middle of the night. I didn’t wake up from a nightmare, my goldfish didn’t die and I wasn’t in a lot of unbearable pain. My emotions just went haywire all on their own. I hate when that happens. I take meds to help keep my emotions stabilized, but yesterday’s dose must have been a dud.

Multiple Sclerosis has this way of messing with a person’s emotions. Sometimes there’s a valid reason for the crazy mood swings we experience. Things like the fact that we are dealing with daily challenges and changes in life that sometimes become overwhelming and difficult to handle.

But there are actual times when our emotions get all out of whack for no reason other than the fact that the wiring in our brain is short circuiting and meddling in our emotions. That really does happen. MS messes with my ability to walk, think, talk, see, and sometimes it seems to get bored doing all that and decides to get its grubby little hands on how I feel too. It seems nothing is off limits to this monster.

When the nurse got to my house for her normal visit, I was sobbing into a sock. (Don’t judge. I didn’t have any tissue nearby so I used what I had. Besides, socks actually work pretty good as tissues.) Just having her with me helped to calm my tears.

Sometimes someone assuring you that things are going to be okay really does help. Sometimes all we need is a hug, a kind word, a gentle touch, or a hand to hold. Although those things don’t change what’s happening in our life or restructure our brain, they comfort the heart.

If I could reach through the screen to you, I’d hold your hand and remind you of how truly amazing you are. I’d listen to you talk about your struggles, your challenges, your fears, and remind you that no matter what you are facing, you are strong…much stronger than you think. I’d cry with you, make you giggle and let you have my last cookie. (You know you’re special if I share my cookies with you.)

If today is a “cry in your oatmeal” kind of day…cry. It’s okay to do that. Let it all out. Then dry your tears and remind yourself that you are a champion, a winner, a warrior. You may not feel like one, but you are.

Don’t stop trying to be the best you can be regardless of MS or whatever else you may be facing. I believe in you.

MS Gets on My NervesMS WarriorMS Superhero  

About the Author

Penelope Conway

Penelope Conway
Penelope started Positive Living with MS as a way to help others with MS stay positive in the midst of a terrible disease. She believes that staying positive and holding onto hope is the key to waking up each morning with the strength to get through the day. Multiple Sclerosis may never go away, but neither will her determination and her drive to help others through the journey.

38 replies
  1. Carla L Broadbent Rogers
    Carla L Broadbent Rogers says:

    Those are the days when I feel like I am in a round room and someone says “Go sit in the corner”. MS comes with a book of questions that cannot be answered. The mystery continues. Be well. “Cry if you want to” I think that is a song.

  2. Rodger Ashton-Smith
    Rodger Ashton-Smith says:

    I have just been through what I call an MS intervention. When I get a ‘call’ to go somewhere my right leg dies on me making it a little difficult to move steadily and can cause more problems than I need. It is also annoying because my abdominal problems are just getting better, so I guess the monster doesn’t like that so it plays up on me.
    I will not let this win. I can beat it and I will.

  3. Roland Clarke
    Roland Clarke says:

    Yesterday was that sort of day for me, although failing fingers and bowel issues might have triggered an emotional floodgate to open. I can’t pull myself together when I lose it, but I try to find the sunshine – your posts.

  4. Jaycie
    Jaycie says:

    I love this. Thank you for writing exactly how I feel some days. And if I could, “I would reach out and give you a hug AND my last cookie!”

  5. Siddiq Kazim
    Siddiq Kazim says:

    This thing happens to me a lot for no reason. Since I got MS. Mainly when I feel I want to cry . I stay in my room until I calm down or let my self cry to relax.

  6. Jo Ann Maxwell
    Jo Ann Maxwell says:

    Great post, thanks for sharing! I had my big cry Sunday night! Actually it was Monday morning, doing two and 4 AM. Not fun, but I was able to work through some things. And even was able to get back to sleep!

  7. Tricia Williams
    Tricia Williams says:

    Thank you for holding my hand and giving me your last cookie. I cried yesterday when the doctor said I didn’t need chemo only radiotherapy after my breast cancer operation. I wasn’t sad just relieved that I wasn’t having chemo and there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I cried again when I read this as well. It doesn’t make us weak. It makes us human. MS Sucks and so does cancer. If I saw that person who hates me so much to give me all of this I would eat the whole packet of cookies in front of them and not give them one. xxxx

  8. Michelle Keelin
    Michelle Keelin says:

    Can this be a part of MS? That has made me feel a little better, thought I was turning soft, or it could be the brain fog while trying to complete my dissertation .

  9. JoMarie Larsen
    JoMarie Larsen says:

    Thank you for so eloquently putting into words what we are all dealing with. I so needed to hear your message today. I have been in tears lately many times and cannot seem to snap out of it. My biggest lesions on my brain are right in the emotional control center so that may be part of it. Tired of my disease -hoping for a cure!

  10. Brandy Lilly
    Brandy Lilly says:

    This has been happening to me alot lately!! Crying over the littlest of things. Makes it hard to go out and about when your afraid of busting out crying for no reason in front of people. Embarrassing!

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