I’m beyond exhausted

At the end of an exhausting day yesterday, I collapsed into my bed and tried to sleep. You know, that thing where you curl up, close your eyes, snore and drool? Unfortunately, it didn’t work out for me last night.

I spent the entire time awake through the yawns. I even tried counting sheep but they were no help. I think they actually went to sleep without me because at some point in the night I ran out of sheep to count. Now, here I am still awake at 5:30 AM watching the sun come up and wondering how I’m going to get through my already exhausted day.

Just so you know…

I know what it’s like to lie down in the bed at the end of the day only to watch the clock as the minutes tick by with each passing hour.
I know about those moments you are about to drift off to sleep when your brain suddenly gets this weird burst of energy and decides to wake up and ponder everything ponderable.
I know the feeling of frustration and discouragement when MS seems to be winning the battle with sleep as muscle spasms and pain relentlessly pulse through your body.
I know what it’s like to drag yourself out of bed in the morning so exhausted, and with your muscles so tight, that you can’t move gracefully…or even at all.
I know how it feels to stumble into the kitchen to start your day when your entire body feels like you woke up with a hangover times ten.
I know how hard it is to put a smile on your face when you at greeted by a cheery “good morning” from your spouse, child or hungry dog.
I know what it’s like to think to yourself day in and day out, “If only I could sleep through the night, life would be so much better.”

I know what it’s like to be chronically tired.

I can’t promise you that you will ever feel completely rested when you get out of bed each morning even if you’ve slept through the night, but I can promise you that you will make it through your exhausting day…eventually, minute by minute, step by step.

Hang in there today. You’re doing great, even if you are too tired to see it. Living with multiple sclerosis is truly exhausting but you will make it through your day and you will be stronger for it.

MS Gets on My NervesMS WarriorMS Superhero  

About the Author

Penelope Conway

Penelope Conway
Penelope started Positive Living with MS as a way to help others with MS stay positive in the midst of a terrible disease. She believes that staying positive and holding onto hope is the key to waking up each morning with the strength to get through the day. Multiple Sclerosis may never go away, but neither will her determination and her drive to help others through the journey.

35 replies
  1. Dayvon E Brown
    Dayvon E Brown says:

    I feel everyone its like good and bad days be more bad days then good it feels like your drunk but your cant keep your balance cant speak right its just frustrating but you gotta keep it move cant let the ms wins cant give up

  2. Laurie
    Laurie says:

    I can relate to this so much. On the best of days I get maybe 3 hours of broken sleep, but my brain is on high alert, and overthinking everything. I just drove 8 hours for my MS clinic appointment feeling kind of positive about my appointment the next day, because I thought Copaxone was working for me only to have my neurologist tell me that my latest MRI shows new lesions in my spinal cord and I have to change meds. My world came crashing down. The new meds side effects scare me so badly, and I spent the entire next day of 8 hours in the car crying and silent. My brain is more active now than ever at night because I can’t stop thinking. Sorry for venting everyone, I am just so tired.

  3. Rodger Ashton-Smith
    Rodger Ashton-Smith says:

    I’ve had stretching problems and thel have been keeping me tired every time they play up

  4. Barbara Crawley Adams
    Barbara Crawley Adams says:

    No matter how hot it is outside, if I turn my warming blanket on a low setting it will relax my body and I can fall asleep. That and the Gabapentin I take for my nerve pain will usually do it. My legs hurt at night, almost every night, and this is my go-to.

  5. Glenys Jackson
    Glenys Jackson says:

    Very sorry, Penelope. It’s hard to find a balance sometimes between keeping going and knowing when to rest. I hope today works out better for you. Love and prayers!

  6. Meg Spinella
    Meg Spinella says:

    I have, after much trial and error, found a combination that allows me to sleep reasonably well. At bedtime I take 3 Motrin, 1 Valium (prescription 5mg), 1 Progesterone (as post-menopause sleep aid) and one low dose Naltrexone (from compounding pharmacy). I also put in ear buds and listen to a podcast, you tube talk, soothing music or the like. I now rarely have to deal with spasms waking me up. I go to bed about 10 and wake up at 4 (to pee). I then put something else on to listen to and go back to sleep until 7.

  7. DAVida
    DAVida says:

    Bit of a long winded story, but I feel the need to share it because it really got me. Past couple of days I have been experiencing fatigue. Yesterday a family member asked me for a favour, well, not so much asked as assumed I would do it. When I asked to please be shown some common decency and instead of just assuming I will do what you want but rather ask me nicely I would most likely say yes, regardless of how bad I’ve been feeling. Only to be gaslighted by said family member, turning it into me being the disrespectful one. Making me doubt myself. Which in turn gave me such a horrible sleepless night that I woke up today feeling worse. Sorry, I shouldn’t have said wok up. One needs to actually sleep to wake up. Now on top of feeling terriable, I feel guilty about standing up for myself.

    • Penelope Conway
      Penelope Conway says:

      I am so sorry you had to go through that, but don’t feel guilty for standing up for yourself. Proud of you for that. Some people may never see how their actions hurt others, which is sad. Hoping for a better night tonight for you.

  8. Margaret Marcelak
    Margaret Marcelak says:

    When I have days like that I NEVER get to fall asleep because my body wont quit. It keeps all my nerves running on high and even though I am exhausted I cant get my brain to sleep. I so hate MS and how it has changed me but I will NOT quit!

  9. Linda OCONNELL
    Linda OCONNELL says:

    I love your posts Penelope! You are such an inspiration to all of us who suffer from MS. I never get a full nights sleep but I can’t take a nap during the day either. I’ve noticed that I can’t do things I was able to do before and that is so frustrating. Some things I can do but not for as long a time as I could before and it irritates me because I can’t finish. The other day I dropped a plastic spoon on the floor and it took me 5 times to pick it up. I just couldn’t grasp it. When I finally did I was so ticked that I threw it across the room and sat and cried. I have such a hard time adapting to change. Have a good day Penelope. I so admire you!❤❤❤

    • Penelope Conway
      Penelope Conway says:

      Thanks Linda. I can just see you throwing that spoon. I probably would have done the same thing. Sorry you are having a hard time at the moment. Sometime just that bit of time spent venting and crying is enough to give you a boost to push through. Hang in there xoxo

  10. Della Smalley
    Della Smalley says:

    I fully understand,as you know I have RRMS n ltely my body doesn’t like me,I can be so exhausted but once I hit the bed,my mind goes to overdrive.Im going to ask my Dr. about the medicine Susie Jones mentioned heck at this time anything would help.God Bless you Penelope for ur page

  11. Susie Jones
    Susie Jones says:

    Are you on zanaflex for spasms. It will knock you out. You can take up to 8 in a day. I’ve had SPMS for 4 yrs. when I can’t sleep I take 3 of those at night. Can’t take during the day, make me way to tired.

  12. Margaret Dowd
    Margaret Dowd says:

    aw love reading your posts…im walking ….a few miles for MS Ireland with friends Paul and Karen MS Ireland Walk…Mizen Head to Malin Head. 275 miles done.

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