I went outside yesterday and was almost blown over by the wind. I had a hard time fighting through it just getting to my van. It was blowing so hard that I thought I might float away. That actually happened to me once. Not the floating away part, but I felt like Mary Poppins when the wind lifted me off the ground.
I was eight years old and a hurricane was heading our way. I had one of those clear umbrellas shaped somewhat like an upside-down bowl so you were protected from the rain a little more. They were almost impossible for the wind to flip inside out.
School had let out early and as I was walking to the bus when a giant gust of wind hit me so hard that it filled the inside of my umbrella and lifted me off the ground. It felt like I was lifted a million miles into the air but in actuality it was more like 4 or 5 inches. For that short moment I could fly. It was scary and exciting all at the same time.
Some days Multiple Sclerosis comes along and hits me like that kind of wind. It hits so hard that everything becomes a struggle and I find myself fighting just to move forward. Sometimes it knocks me down, bowls me over and sends me sailing through the air into every wall and piece of furniture in my house.
Yesterday was that kind of day for me. I sat on the couch looking around at all the things that needed to get done but my body wouldn’t let me do any of them. My legs wouldn’t cooperate, my hands decided to rebel and my strength was nonexistent. Those kind of days can be depressing. You feel so useless and helpless.
Do you know what I did? I decided vacuuming wasn’t that important. Neither was the laundry, cleaning the kitchen or running the few errands I needed to run. The world wasn’t going to fall apart if those things didn’t get done so I made myself comfortable on the couch with my coloring book, TV remote and of course my comforting cup of coffee and I rested. No guilt. No shame. Okay, a little at first, but I kept telling myself that it’s okay and enjoy the moment regardless of the circumstance.
One thing MS has taught me is to set my sail and ride the wind that comes with each new day. I may not officially fly away when the strong gusts of wind come from out of nowhere or the torrential rains pour, but I’m not going to let MS keep me from enjoying my day regardless of what I’m facing. When the winds of MS shift (which can happen multiple times in one day), I have learned the importance of shifting with them.
The wind will blow in life whether it’s because of MS or any number of problems…and when that wind blows, you have to learn to stop fighting the current and simply let go. Let go of the anger, hopelessness, frustrations, and fears. Let go of the past and the defeating thoughts that run through your head because things just didn’t work out as planned. Let go of having to be in control of everything.
You can soar through the storm…you just need to let go.