Another Multiple Sclerosis day…

I went to sleep early last night after taking a muscle relaxer due to spasms in my legs and hands, a pain pill because the pain was relentless and unsettling, and melatonin to hopefully help me sleep if those didn’t do the trick. I woke up this morning in a daze not remembering much of anything from last night…or from any night for that matter.

It was one of those wake up moments when you can’t remember much of anything about who you are, where you are, or what you plan to do for the day let alone what day it actually is. It wasn’t due to having taken a few pills last night either. I have those kinds of mornings with or without any help from a pill thanks to multiple sclerosis. I call them my amnesia mornings, but at least I slept last night…I think. As of yet I’m still not sure the sleep was productive.

I never appreciated sleep as much as I do now. I either can’t get any or all I want to do is sleep. There’s no in between. I don’t think I’ve actually gotten a good nights sleep in years. I know I’ve never opened my eyes in the morning feeling like I was refreshed and rested. If I ever did, trust me, the world would know about it.

But regardless of how I feel, today is a new day and here I am in my bed needing to get myself going so I can conquer it. Hey, just waking up is an accomplishment, right?! So, I’m already over half way there. Divide and conquer as they say!

You are too. You are already winning the battle of the day. You’re awake. You’re alive. You’re reading this! That’s already a huge accomplishment. You can’t give up now. Take it slow if you need to just don’t stop.

For me, there is so much needing to be done and I can already tell you I have zero energy to do any of it…but I’m ready for whatever life may bring. If I have to take lots of breaks, that’s okay. I will pause as much as I need to, I just won’t give up.

I really do live by the “minute by minute, moment by moment” motto, and at this very minute coffee is calling my name so I’m answering the call.

When the day is over, be grateful for making it through another MS day. I know it’s not always easy, I know the challenges can get overwhelming, I know how alone and isolating MS can make you feel, but you are making it, you are doing it. If no one has told you how truly amazing you are, I will. I’m proud of you for not giving up. I believing in you. You are AMAZING!

MS Gets on My NervesMS WarriorMS Superhero  

About the Author

Penelope Conway

Penelope Conway
Penelope started Positive Living with MS as a way to help others with MS stay positive in the midst of a terrible disease. She believes that staying positive and holding onto hope is the key to waking up each morning with the strength to get through the day. Multiple Sclerosis may never go away, but neither will her determination and her drive to help others through the journey.

37 replies
  1. Michelle B
    Michelle B says:

    Lately my mornings, and my days are amnesia-filled. I don’t think I can remember what it was like to have a brain that works… actually that is a lie, there was this one time when I was a teen and I decided to start jotting down every movie I had ever seen… I was in my element, I loved movies and I loved that I’d seen so many of them.

    That was my last memory of having a working memory. Now, I find myself trying to will memory on. Abracadabra… Come on!! I was doing well, but now I find I’m slipping again.

    And yep! Melatonin! I hope when it helps you when you need it. Magnesium I found personally is amazing!!!

  2. Raeann
    Raeann says:

    Amnesia mornings. I like that. I have those, too. Thanks for your blog. Because of what you write about your trials and tribulations, I realize I’m normal, for someone with MS. You have know idea how much that means to me. MS can be so isolating in of world of non MSers. Thanks again!

  3. Rodger Ashton-Smith
    Rodger Ashton-Smith says:

    Well done Penelope. I user Normoison at night and to stop the spasms I use Belcefen. I take 2 sleeping pills and three belcafens and that gives me about 6 hours sleep. It’s sometimes shorter and sometimes longer but at least I get some sleep. Could I suggest to all of you check these at your doctor’s and see if they may help you. I am in NZ and some names change with travel. Biut you dr will know what it is anyway. Have good weekend Penelope.

  4. KT
    KT says:

    The pain is so bad even with meds. I often think I have no idea how a person can hurt so bad and still move. But I keep going. Somehow. I think you are amazing too. It’s so nice to know I am not alone.

  5. Meg Spinella
    Meg Spinella says:

    So spot on! Last night, despite the pills I take, I had to get up and throughly massage my legs and feet with creme, put in earbuds with a relaxation meditation, and redo the tangled bed covers. I finally slept but also woke up feeling unrested. Thank God for hot Tea in the morning!

  6. Jenni Clarke
    Jenni Clarke says:

    I suffer with leg spasms,due to my MS! Sometimes so bad that my leg cramps as well. Very painful but the drugs I’m on now seem to have calmed things down. Fingers crossed,it’ll stay like that

  7. Carol Shinn
    Carol Shinn says:

    I think it is such a tragic thing that so many of us experience so many of these weird, painful,relentless and often difficult to describe symptoms…..however it is comforting to know that we at least can share and understand each other’s problems and with that … I know that gives me strength and hope and I’m sure many others … thank you

  8. Frances Anderson
    Frances Anderson says:

    I just wish i could plan a little me time a little energy and i want to do all those normal things people take for granted then i get exhausted sore and a few days recovery. A good day is almost a punishment as it fools us and our partners into thinking it is just all in our minds after all and we just are dodging being normal by being lazy x

  9. Stephanie Redden
    Stephanie Redden says:

    When I woke up this morning to the alarm I was falling all over the place. I’m not falling anymore.

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