One of the scarier moments for me in this life with multiple sclerosis is when my throat closes up and refused to allow me to swallow. Many times I have to actually convince those muscles to actually function. Last night was one of those times.
I had water by my bedside, elevated the head of my hospital bed, reached over for my cup then took a sip. I held that water in my mouth a good two or three minutes as I tried to swallow. At one point I even thought about spitting it out but eventually was able to get it down. The harder times is when it goes down the wrong way and I end up having a coughing fit.
And people wonder why we are always so exhausted. Maybe it’s because we have to work overtime all day long in order to do the things everyone else takes for granted. When you have to think to walk, think to swallow, think to remember words, think to even scratch your nose…well, that’s a lot of exhaustive thinking and would wear out even the healthiest person around.
I wish there was a switch I could flip to make my muscles work as they were intended or a program I could write to override the glitches in my system. That would make my days so much easier to manage and would be a welcomed improvement.
My morning coffee is not as enjoyable as it used to be but I still make myself a cup each morning anyway. Sometimes I don’t get it all down and end up pouring half of it down the drain…but sometimes I don’t. This morning I finished my cup and for that I’m thankful. It’s the little things in life that really matter anyway.
Life has drastically changed because of multiple sclerosis but I will never give up looking for rainbows in the chaos. This morning I found a rainbow in my coffee cup, tomorrow maybe I will find it in the laundry. Hey, anything’s possible!