My right hand has grown increasingly weak. At first, it had just a slight tremor that was annoying but manageable. Now even when I’m holding it in a resting position, thankfully the tremors aren’t as prominent but it has a tendency to curl up making that hand a bit useless. I have trouble even pushing a key on my computer or holding onto a spoon.
The bad thing for me is that my right hand is my dominant hand. I have had to learn to do things with my left hand more and more. It’s not always easy, but I somehow seem to get things done. That’s kind of the way my life with multiple sclerosis has been from the start: symptoms show up that hinder my normal every day activities and I have to find a work around in order to keep functioning.
I hate it too. It’s amazing how much you rely on a certain body part and don’t actually realize just how much you do so until something happens to disrupt its use. I’m thankful for the parts of me that still work, but I still have a hard time with the parts of me that don’t.
I would be lying if I said it doesn’t bother me. I find that if I allow myself to hang out thinking about my weak hands, legs, vision, bladder, and all the things that I can no longer do, I end up in a puddle of tears. I have to force myself to keep moving forward and to find something good in the chaos. I can’t allow this disease to cripple my thoughts as it does my body.
Sometimes I put on a funny movie to help me shift my focus. Sometimes I talk with a friend or get involved in volunteer work. Sometimes I talk to myself and remind myself that I’m still awesome, even with MS hanging around.
You have to do that in order to keep your sanity. I have found that because of MS, my body is weak…but me, I’m stronger than I ever thought possible. I may not be able to open a pickle jar or hold onto a glass of water without using two hands and even then spilling it, but I am a warrior deep down. Sometimes my warrior roars, other times it is what holds me together when the struggle gets too hard to bear.
You got this. Even when you feel out of control and surrounded by struggle after struggle, you got this. Allow your inner warrior to come out and give MS the middle finger, a black eye and a wedgie all at once. You are strong enough.