There are times I wish everyone would just go away and leave me alone so I can clear my head and distance myself from all the drama, arguments, pain and chaos in the world; to find such a place where I can cry as much as I need to and let out a scream or two from time to time—even if only for 5 minutes.
It’s not always easy finding that perfect spot. The place where no one else is hanging around to judge you for simply being you. For me, that place just so happens to be in my shower. Somehow I am able to have my own crying party in the solitude of the bathroom away from the world as water gushes down my face. It just seems easier to think and cry in the shower. I have washed many tears down the drain in my lifetime.
Lately though, showers haven’t been so freeing. This may sound weird to some of you, but much of the skin on my face, arms and legs have become so hypersensitive that even water hitting me from the shower head hurts. And when I say hurts…I mean HURTS!
I’ve been pointing the shower head to the side wall and filling a large cup with water to rinse the shampoo out of my hair and off my body. It makes bathing a bit more complicated, but if I don’t want to smell like a skunk I have to change and adapt to the strange things multiple sclerosis does to me.
It seems MS is good at making simple things, complicated. Who would have guessed that clipping your fingernails could become a near impossibility to accomplish all by yourself? Or that things like signing a check, picking up the mail, vacuuming, getting dressed, or even brushing your teeth require more time, energy and help than ever before?
I never really thought about doing those things in the past. I just did them without realizing how much I was truly taking for granted. But today, many things have become a challenge for me to complete. It’s as if each day, as I pull back the covers to get out of bed, I start my journey to the top of Mount Everest. I don’t always make it to the top as the day comes to a close, but I press on anyway.
Multiple Sclerosis is the disease that keeps on giving and taking away. If you ask me, it’s pretty selfish. But regardless, I refuse to let it limit or define me.
REMEMBER: You have this terrible, often times debilitating, disease called Multiple Sclerosis and it’s trying to take over your body, your life…but you are not MS. You are an amazingly courageous person that can still love, dream, laugh, and hope for a better tomorrow. I’m loving, dreaming, laughing and hoping with you.