You are amazing even with Multiple Sclerosis

Lately I’ve been losing every argument I have with my body. I haven’t been to the mailbox in days. Yes, I said days. Actually, it’s been almost an entire week. I know there is mail out there. Envelopes that are probably lonely, cold and scared of the dark, but it’s just not that important to me right now. I’m sure if there was a million dollar check tucked away in there I would be able to convince my body to venture out, but since it’s mostly all just loan offers, advertisements and bills, what’s the point?!

I used to be really good at planning my day. I was a “schedule everything” kind of person years ago, but because of Multiple Sclerosis my schedules keep getting wiped clean. My body simply refuses to cooperate with any sort of schedule.

Case in point: This morning, I woke up and my body was screaming at me to stay in bed. (I really think it has some type of anxiety separation disorder with the bed.) There it was screaming at me to not get up but my schedule kept saying “Get up and take a shower, there are things you need to do today.”

Well, wouldn’t you know it…my body won the argument. Here it is an hour later and I still haven’t had my shower. I actually haven’t even gotten out of bed yet. I’m writing to you from the comfort of my bed surrounded by lots of pillows. My body is happy, but me, I’m readjusting my schedule to fit in with the change of events.

You’d think I would have learned by now not to plan anything first thing in the morning because my body never cooperates that early. I can’t plan anything later in the day either. The same things happens. It seems I have only a short window of time, between the hours of around 10:00 AM and 1:00 PM in my day when I function at my best.

I have to keep reminding myself that my body is not the same as it was before MS. That I have limits and limitations. Somehow, I never seem to remember what those limits are until the time comes to test them out. I think it’s because I always want to at least try even if I fail in my trying. I’d rather fail trying than to not try at all. I don’t remember who said that, but it’s so true.

We live our lives around trying, trying and trying again. We may fail a gazillion times, but if we succeed even once, wow…what an accomplishment. Don’t ever stop trying and don’t lose heart when you fail either. Be proud of yourself for trying, for being. Be proud of the person that you are.

You are strong, resilient, an amazing fighter, an overcomer, a warrior, and a darn good trier. You didn’t ask for the fight you are in, but you won’t back down in the heat of battle either. I admit that life gets hard. Sometimes it even seems impossible, but you are doing it. You are defying the odds and overcoming the challenges presented to you.

Don’t believe the lies that bounce around in your head and definitely don’t believe the people that choose to judge you for who you are.

Be proud of YOU! I know I sure am. Sending lots of love and hugs your way across the miles.

15 replies
  1. Enelida Reyes
    Enelida Reyes says:

    Thank you, Penolope for your sincerity. Again your are right on the nose. Often people see the end result (shower, dress) that they don’t understand the struggle that it takes to get there. Many times I have to bargain with my own self to be able just to function . Your posts help me feel less lonely, anxious, depress, about my journey with multiple sclerosis. God bless.

  2. Rodger Ashton-Smith
    Rodger Ashton-Smith says:

    Well I haven’t been able to go outside by myself, our house is NOT wheelchair friendly so I need help to get outside. And this is not easy for Janice or me, so it is limiting me to get outside but that that will change sometimes in the future. But we do have to look after ourselves with whatever we can do.

  3. Carla L Broadbent Rogers
    Carla L Broadbent Rogers says:

    Thank you coach. Know anybody in the weather department. Over 100 is not where we want to be.
    Be well.
    Read you soon.

  4. Roland R Clarke
    Roland R Clarke says:

    I was struggling through today, but your post gave me the right perspective to keep going – thank you with hugs.

  5. June
    June says:

    Relate to this so much. Some days I make plans……and then it happens, that feeling of there’s a mountain to climb, right in front of me. Even the thought of moving seems to sap me of energy. Can’t seem to peal myself off the bed. However that doesn’t mean I’ve given up. Dividing things up in small steps seems to help, if only in my mind. The reality is, we have to pace ourselves and practice accepting ourselves. Does anyone else struggle with expecting sooo much from yourself? It’s ok to have days or weeks of low energy . Gods got this and He knows exactly what we need and in what dose and timing .once again, I’ll remind myself not to judge myself and to stop worrying about what others might be thinking about me also. Once again, I’ll turn it all over to God and place my trust in Him….often He is more merciful to me than I am to myself.

  6. Dave Burhans
    Dave Burhans says:

    I love your honesty, I love your attitude, I love hugs. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’m so pleased I found you. We will continue to persevere. This forum fuels my attitude. I realized when, the last time I fell down, the first thing I did was thank God I wasn’t bleeding and nothing was broken this time. Then I laughed a bit in joy that I was immediately thankful. It’s EFFORTS like yours that helps us remember the glass is always half full.

  7. Jan
    Jan says:

    You’re absolutely right about the window of feeling able to do SOMETHING between 10AM to 1 PM. My bed is almost glued to me every afternoon. Love your stories. I never feel alone.


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