Lately I’ve been losing every argument I have with my body. I haven’t been to the mailbox in days. Yes, I said days. Actually, it’s been almost an entire week. I know there is mail out there. Envelopes that are probably lonely, cold and scared of the dark, but it’s just not that important to me right now. I’m sure if there was a million dollar check tucked away in there I would be able to convince my body to venture out, but since it’s mostly all just loan offers, advertisements and bills, what’s the point?!
I used to be really good at planning my day. I was a “schedule everything” kind of person years ago, but because of Multiple Sclerosis my schedules keep getting wiped clean. My body simply refuses to cooperate with any sort of schedule.
Case in point: This morning, I woke up and my body was screaming at me to stay in bed. (I really think it has some type of anxiety separation disorder with the bed.) There it was screaming at me to not get up but my schedule kept saying “Get up and take a shower, there are things you need to do today.”
Well, wouldn’t you know it…my body won the argument. Here it is an hour later and I still haven’t had my shower. I actually haven’t even gotten out of bed yet. I’m writing to you from the comfort of my bed surrounded by lots of pillows. My body is happy, but me, I’m readjusting my schedule to fit in with the change of events.
You’d think I would have learned by now not to plan anything first thing in the morning because my body never cooperates that early. I can’t plan anything later in the day either. The same things happens. It seems I have only a short window of time, between the hours of around 10:00 AM and 1:00 PM in my day when I function at my best.
I have to keep reminding myself that my body is not the same as it was before MS. That I have limits and limitations. Somehow, I never seem to remember what those limits are until the time comes to test them out. I think it’s because I always want to at least try even if I fail in my trying. I’d rather fail trying than to not try at all. I don’t remember who said that, but it’s so true.
We live our lives around trying, trying and trying again. We may fail a gazillion times, but if we succeed even once, wow…what an accomplishment. Don’t ever stop trying and don’t lose heart when you fail either. Be proud of yourself for trying, for being. Be proud of the person that you are.
You are strong, resilient, an amazing fighter, an overcomer, a warrior, and a darn good trier. You didn’t ask for the fight you are in, but you won’t back down in the heat of battle either. I admit that life gets hard. Sometimes it even seems impossible, but you are doing it. You are defying the odds and overcoming the challenges presented to you.
Don’t believe the lies that bounce around in your head and definitely don’t believe the people that choose to judge you for who you are.
Be proud of YOU! I know I sure am. Sending lots of love and hugs your way across the miles.