punch

I would love nothing more than to punch multiple sclerosis in the face

When you see me, you may see my hair fixed up nicely, my makeup looking flawless, my clothes neatly pressed and my shoes coordinating with my purse. I may have everything in place from head to toe including the smile I put on and the positive attitude I carry.

But underneath all the layers, below the wheelchair, urine bag and leg braces, the real me exists. It’s a person who is dealing with an incredibly frustrating, painful, unpredictable and debilitating disease.

It’s easy to put on a good show for a few hours as I laugh and carry on about meaningless things. I can generally hold it together for a day out with friends or, as I did for years, a day at work covering up the tears and wiping them away before anyone has a chance to see them fall.

Then the moment happens when I find myself sitting alone on the couch or in the shower and I crumble into a puddle as life catches up with me. The emotional pain of living with multiple sclerosis is real. I hurt, cry, worry, get angry and scared. I think about my struggles, my worsening progression, my future and I desperately long for things to be different than they are.

That’s the human side of me…the real me. I don’t pretend to be perfect and never profess to have all the answers. Living with a chronic disease sucks. It’s hard and sometimes it feels impossible to navigate through the obstacles.

Never feel bad for feeling. Never think you can’t cry, complain or have your own pity party. Those things are all permitted. The thing you can’t do though is carry those negative, weighty feelings around with you everywhere you go.

Have your moment, crumble, fall apart, yell, scream, cry, and even punch MS in the face…hard! Give yourself 30 minutes (sometimes each and every day) to let it all out, then shift your thoughts to the good things in life…those things that give you hope and purpose.

Today may be an extremely hard day for you and you may feel like you’re walking through hell itself, but you know what they say you should do when you find yourself going through hell don’t you? Keep on going…don’t stop.

Hang in there. You are going to get through this time in your life. Let the tears fall then take a deep breath and remember, tomorrow is coming which means anything’s possible.

MS Gets on My NervesMS WarriorMS Superhero  


About the Author

Penelope Conway

Penelope Conway
Penelope started Positive Living with MS as a way to help others with MS stay positive in the midst of a terrible disease. She believes that staying positive and holding onto hope is the key to waking up each morning with the strength to get through the day. Multiple Sclerosis may never go away, but neither will her determination and her drive to help others through the journey.

12 replies
  1. Roland R Clarke
    Roland R Clarke says:

    Just what I needed after a month of the noisy great grand-kids living with us. I’m only surviving by escaping into our walk-in cupboard on my wheelchair to work through my meltdown. Nobody, except my wife, understands how bad a screaming kid is, let alone four. It feels better knowing I’m not fighting this alone.

  2. Rodger Ashton-Smith
    Rodger Ashton-Smith says:

    Thanks Penelope good thoughts. I thought you had a spc fitted so is your bladder really playing up? I have one and it has given me a lot of freedom from when I had a urine bag fitted. It was quite uncomfortable to say the least. But we are all strong under our walls.

    • Penelope Conway
      Penelope Conway says:

      Everything is good with my spc. Did have a bad experience a few weeks ago and was possibly needing surgery to correct a tear but dr got things worked out with careful nurse attention for a few days. A very liberating thing to have, absolutely. 🙂

  3. Peggy
    Peggy says:

    Yes needed to hear! Having bad MS days. Just bad things going on. Trying think of positive things as usual hard do. But as the song goes You can Stand Me Up At the Gates of Hell BUT I WON’T BACK DOWN..NO I WON’T BACK DOWN…

  4. Peggy
    Peggy says:

    Yes needed to hear! Having bad MS days. Just bad things going on. Trying think of positive things as usual hard do. But as the somg goes You can Stand Me Up At the Gates of Hell BUT I WON’T BACK DOWN..NO I WON’T BACK DOWN…

  5. Carla L Broadbent Rogers
    Carla L Broadbent Rogers says:

    I am planning on having more peaceful days. Shift my focus. See what happens. All good things now and always.

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