I went to sleep early last night after taking a muscle relaxer due to spasms in my legs and hands, a pain pill because the pain was relentless and unsettling, and melatonin to hopefully help me sleep if those didn’t do the trick. I woke up this morning in a daze not remembering much of anything from last night…or from any night for that matter.
It was one of those wake up moments when you can’t remember much of anything about who you are, where you are, or what you plan to do for the day let alone what day it actually is. It wasn’t due to having taken a few pills last night either. I have those kinds of mornings with or without any help from a pill thanks to multiple sclerosis. I call them my amnesia mornings, but at least I slept last night…I think. As of yet I’m still not sure the sleep was productive.
I never appreciated sleep as much as I do now. I either can’t get any or all I want to do is sleep. There’s no in between. I don’t think I’ve actually gotten a good nights sleep in years. I know I’ve never opened my eyes in the morning feeling like I was refreshed and rested. If I ever did, trust me, the world would know about it.
But regardless of how I feel, today is a new day and here I am needing to get myself going so I can conquer it. Hey, just waking up is an accomplishment, right?! So, I’m already over half way there. Divide and conquer as they say!
You are too. You are already winning the battle of the day. You’re awake. You’re alive. You’re reading this! That’s already a huge accomplishment. You can’t give up now. Take it slow if you need to just don’t stop.
For me, there is so much needing to be done and I can already tell you I have zero energy to do any of it…but I’m ready for whatever life may bring. If I have to take lots of breaks, that’s okay. I will pause as much as I need to, I just won’t give up. Some days it feels like I’m fighting my day with an inside out umbrella caught in a rainstorm. It definitely makes for some interesting moments.
I have one good thing happening today. My new powerchair is going to be delivered at around noon. I’m excited already about that. I only remembered it was coming because I had added it to my calendar. I will probably have a nap before they come, but I will be ready, I hope.
I really do live by the “minute by minute, moment by moment” motto, and at this very minute coffee is calling my name so I’m answering the call.
When the day is over, be grateful for making it through another MS day. I know it’s not always easy, I know the challenges can get overwhelming, I know how alone and isolating MS can make you feel, but you are making it, you are doing it.
If no one has told you how truly amazing you are, I will. I’m proud of you for not giving up. I believe in you. You are AMAZING!