Sometimes living with multiple sclerosis…all I can do is sit and cry

I remember as a kid taking time to lie in the grass, look up at the sky and discover a world of cloud shaped wonders. Once I saw a bunny eat an elephant, then it pooped out a bear. It seems the impossible can happen with a little bit of imagination and a sky full of clouds. I mean, who ever heard of a bunny eating an elephant before? But I saw it happen right before my very eyes.

Those carefree times don’t happen so much any more. I’m not as prone to pause life to look up at the sky in search of familiar shapes…but I should. I should slow down to enjoy life more and to allow myself to be me. We all should. Do you realize this very moment can never be refunded or returned? It has to be used as is, right now.

That’s not always so easy to do when dealing with a chronic illness. Especially when the challenges facing you seem bigger than life itself. The weakness in my legs and right arm have increased by a gazillion times over the past month. I am finding it harder and harder to hold onto things and the pain that accompanies the muscle tightness in my legs is killer. Like scream-as-loud-as-you-can-because-it-hurts pain. I do believe in allowing yourself the freedom to express your emotions whether they be tears, laughter or screams.

I remember one day sitting in my car in the parking lot at the grocery store screaming. I was still able to walk, but by time I had finished shopping and made my way back to the car, I was so weak that all I could do was sit and scream. So I did. I’m sure the shoppers passing by thought I was completely nuts. But I didn’t care. It helped me vent my frustrations. Then I took a deep breath, wiped away the tears and drove home feeling much better.

When facing difficult times, I have found some of my most therapeutic moments have been when I have taken the time to pause and allow myself to simply be. To allow the emotions to spill out for a moment, then take time to notice life like I did as a child. To look around at all the wonder that there truly is in life. To enjoy the tiny little kisses life gives us: the flowers swaying in the wind, the sound of children laughing, the smell of a freshly cut lawn. There’s a pause button in every day, you just have to choose to use it.

No matter what you are facing, whether it be difficulties in your marriage, relationship troubles, problems at work, stress over finances, or simply having an “MS is kicking my butt” kind of day…pause and take time to simply be! Twenty minutes…that’s all you need…just twenty minutes to yourself. Those twenty minutes will be worth the investment. Trust me.

Now I’m off to spend some time curled up in my favorite chair as I sip some coffee and watch the sun come up. It’s a new day filled with new possibilities.

17 replies
  1. Rodger Ashton-Smith
    Rodger Ashton-Smith says:

    Thanks Penelope, I have been watching the clouds today for a totally different reason. I was studying the way the shadows occur in them from the sun. I know it’s winter here and the sunny days are not very regular during this time so I made sure I looked at them. It was good to get out occasionally.

  2. Michelle Tyler
    Michelle Tyler says:

    Fantastic! I love the no refunds on life policy. Beautiful. I will remember rhat while I watch those clouds roll by.

  3. madeline newton
    madeline newton says:

    just the way i feel but of course sometimes forget ….for the most part i have realized that like you said it can’t be all bad and realized we can either except it or go crazy …..i feel we do except and find ways for what i can do just in a different way …thank you …have a wonderful day and may you have the time to find those great clouds with the fun of finding all those critters or flowers or what ever life shows you …may it be filled with love and happiness …

  4. Cathy
    Cathy says:

    Thank you for reminding me that those moments are so important and we need to take them….other things really don’t matter if we forget about “me”

  5. Peggy
    Peggy says:

    I too love this! Saw on weather channel a show about clouds and those amazing shapes. Said should take time and watch them like we did as children. It’s like Meditation.
    I’ve taken wheelchair out to our garage and watching them!

  6. Julie
    Julie says:

    Love love love this!!! This is what I need to remember daily. I’ve been doing better at it, but it is very hard some days as you well know. 😊 Thank you.


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