I try so hard to get through my days with a bit of dignity and grace, yet somehow multiple sclerosis voids those plans as soon as I wake up. Sometimes I don’t even make it out of bed before my body decides to take off on a different road into the unknown. You would think I would have the unknown fully charted by now.
Do you remember those books where you could pick your own adventure to end the story with? You could navigate through the story and have things end with happy moments, disasters or surprises. The problem with my story is that there is never a suitable outcome to pick from.
Yesterday I had a choice of kitchen disasters, bathroom mishaps, vehicle troubles, and brain fog mistakes. But just when it came time to choose my adventure things shifted and I ended up with overdue bills needing to be paid, a lack of energy, muscle spasms and pain through the roof… more like a gazillion on the pain scale. I didn’t actually get to choose any of the chapters and found myself stuck in a perpetual cycle of ups and downs, blurred vision and ringing in my ears.
It’s a new day today so I’m believing for a better day, but so far I don’t see things shifting in my favor. I have already had to restart a load of laundry that soured in the washing machine because I let them sit wet for too long. I need to patch a hole in the wall in my hallway because I didn’t turn properly in my power chair. I also need to clean up a coffee disaster I created when I spilled the coffee grounds all over myself and the floor.
Maybe I just need to go back to bed and try again tomorrow. At least I woke up today with a smile and even though my MS life is challenging, it doesn’t win. I may not be able to choose my own adventure, but I do get to choose my own responses to everything that happens. My response will always be one of gratitude and thankfulness. Yes, oddly enough I smile my way through the pain. Not a fake smile either. It’s more a smile of determination and gutsy grace. We all have to push through the obstacles that pile up in our path. Even when we end up with a lot of difficulties and pain. We are warriors that way.