My ability to forget things is a skill. It takes great talent to forget birthday’s, lunch plans, appointments, shopping lists, things people said only a few minutes earlier, and words that I know I know but can’t seem to find even on the tip of my tongue. And that all happens in one day. Each day is different, yet the same. I’ve become a pro at forgetfulness.
And just so you know, it’s different than old age forgetfulness or the casual “sorry, I forgot” kind of thing. My memory issues live in a universe and dimension all their own. A place where my thoughts and words float about just out of reach. I try to reach for them, but those darn letters move about too much. Sometimes they hide from me and other times they simply slip through my fingers.
This week, Monday came and went without incident. The only problem is that I don’t remember Saturday or Sunday having been lived through. I have tried hard thinking about the weekend but the only thing I can remember is that I can’t remember.
I think I went to the grocery store, but then again I might have done that on Friday. It rained much of the time and the temperature outside was much cooler… I think. I dozed off a few times in the living room while watching something on TV… I think.
There are so many possibilities that could have filled my time. It’s possible I might have won a years supply of chocolate or I might have robbed a bank and am now a multi-millionaire. I might have even buried a dead body in the back yard. Who knows? I know I sure don’t.
So what causes my MS forgetfulness? Take a look at my brain and it would be obvious. The damage in there looks a bit like swiss cheese. Those holes and lesions in my brain are the reason for my forgetfulness. Black holes don’t just exist in outer space you know. Some live right here…inside my brain. Talk about things getting lost in the dark. I live there.
My brain may not be able to function properly every minute of the day, but at least I know I have one. I even have documented proof. Just check out my MRI’s if there’s ever any doubts. As for some people, I think they lost their’s entirely a long time ago.
It’s weird how the brain works. You know how some people have selective hearing and can tune out things that annoy them? Yeah, well I think I have selective thinking.
It amazes me that I have no problem remembering the words to the Mahna Mahna song from the Muppets but can easily forget that Thursday is trash day unless I am reminded by an alert on my phone. If I didn’t have reminders to keep me on track I probably wouldn’t get anything done.
I forget to call people back, answer text messages and respond to emails. It’s not intentional. It just is what it is. If I haven’t responded to you… sorry about that. If I forgot your birthday… again, sorry. If I don’t remember your favorite color, miss an appointment because I didn’t have it written down or forgot your name, trust me, it’s not on purpose.
Multiple sclerosis just has this way of scrambling my thoughts and at times turning them into mush. Sometimes I wonder how I get anything done at all.
Well, it’s time to restart a load of laundry that I left in the washing machine for a few days. Let’s see if I can get them re-washed, dried and put away without incident today. That is my goal. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Here’s the Mahna Mahna song. Something that can get stuck in your thoughts without even trying…