Entries by Penelope Conway

I would love nothing more than to punch multiple sclerosis in the face

When you see me, you may see my hair fixed up nicely, my makeup looking flawless, my clothes neatly pressed and my shoes coordinating with my purse. I may have everything in place from head to toe including the smile I put on and the positive attitude I carry. But underneath all the layers, below the wheelchair, urine bag and leg braces, the real me exists.

I don’t know what tomorrow will be like or even the next few minutes

Have you ever gone out to your car on a cold frosty morning in a hurry to get somewhere? You crank the car and turn the defrost up on high in hopes of melting the ice covering your windshield but it’s just not thawing out quick enough for you. So you do what we have all done at one time or another, you put the car in gear and try to make your way down the road with only a small section of the window defrosted. It’s not easy to do but you know the window will keep thawing out as you drive…

Multiple Sclerosis is not your fault

I don’t know why people like to point fingers when something goes wrong. It seems like a common occurrence these days. I know when it come to multiple sclerosis people like to point fingers at something or someone as to the cause. I have heard many crazy as well as plausible theories myself. Maybe you’ve heard some of them too. Things like…

Multiple Sclerosis is not who I am

When I was little, I wanted to be a teacher…I also wanted to be a scientist, a musician, a secret agent and an architect. Never once did I want to be a person living with a chronic illness. That never even popped into my head. But here I am living with multiple sclerosis. It was never my dream, but it is now my reality.

My body is weak

People don’t seem to understand how weak and exhausted my body is at every moment of every day. I must wear this smile on my face really well. It definitely covers up the daily struggle of living with a chronic illness. Sometimes I think my smile is the only thing that’s keeping me together; that if it should fall off, I’d fall apart too. Somehow I get through my day with my smile in place…exhausted, weary and worn out, but still smiling.

How are you doing?

Last week was a long, hard week. I pushed through pain, frustrations, difficulties, weariness, weakness, emotional stress, financial strain, the unexpected and loneliness. If I was to list everything I dealt with the list would actually take pages and pages of writing. That’s why it’s so hard to answer someone when they approach me with the question we all hear…”How are you?”

Don’t ever feel bad for needing a nap

I love it when I actually sleep through the night. It doesn’t happen often, and didn’t happen last night, but I love it when it does. I’m not sure why I couldn’t sleep last night. I even went to bed early…exhausted. I hate how I have times when all I want to do is sleep, and other times when I can’t sleep at all.