Live one day at a time… it’s okay to not be okay

Living with multiple sclerosis can be crazy and unpredictable. I have yet to have two days the same. I have good days, bad days, terrible days, and what the $#*^ just happened days.

One day I was normal and the next it was like I had just gotten off one of the most exhausting, nauseating roller coaster rides of my life. My head was spinning, I couldn’t get my balance or catch my breath, and my vision was blurred. Try doing anything when your body is sending you those kinds of signals. It was like I was living on a perpetual roller coaster ride without a stop button or an ejection lever to help me escape.

At those times I get tired quickly and find it hard to move any part of my body. Even just lifting my arm seems impossible to do because I feel so weak. I have to coax my muscles to cooperate with me in order to do anything. At worse, I can’t get out of bed or even sit up without falling over. It’s at those times that I feel useless, tears flow, and depression sets in, after all I just want to have my life back but MS keeps taking things away.

I have to stop and remind myself that I’m needed and important. That I’m stronger than I think I am. It’s okay to fall apart and need help. I don’t have to do everything but there is always something I can do. Today I’m going to exercise as much as I can. That may seem impossible but my definition of exercise is much different now. I just need to move as much as I can. There are a few hand and finger exercises I have already been doing just to get my upper muscles going.

This morning as I’m bundled up on the couch due to it being cold in my house because I’m trying to save on using too much heat due to the costs, I see two beautiful deer munching on the grass along the tree line. Their playfulness makes me smile. I need that kind of carefree living. To just take things a day at a time and a moment at a time.

My plan today is to just enjoy my day regardless of what crops up… how about you?