Multiple Sclerosis: How it began in my life

I woke up one morning about 14 years ago and knew something was wrong… really wrong. The day started out just like it always did. My alarm clock buzzed me awake declaring a new day had begun. I sat up, stretched really big and yawned, only as I rubbed my eyes I could tell something was different.

I sat in bed and realized I couldn’t feel the upper right-side of my face. It was such a strange feeling. It wasn’t like I could have slept wrong pinching a nerve in my face. Was that even possible? And I knew an elephant didn’t sit on my head during the night because elephants don’t live in my neighborhood. What was it?

I spent a few days contemplating its cause. I think I was more hoping it would simply go away than anything else, but each day I woke up to more of the same as the numbness kept growing on the right side of my body: my head, torso, arm, leg and even my vision. That’s when I became concerned.

My diagnosis was a quick one due to the increasing symptoms that began appearing all throughout my body. The MRI’s were indisputable. They showed the damage taking place inside my body. My immune system was having a picnic creating lesions in my brain and spine. They seemed to be starving and my Central Nervous System was their food of choice.

Ever since that day, multiple sclerosis has been tagging along with me trying its best to define me. I’ve tried to shake it loose, hide it away, deny its existence, and even ignore it in hopes it would find somewhere else to live, but no matter what I’ve tried, it seems to simply dig its heels in deeper refusing to move.

For whatever reason, MS has made its home in my body but even though it is a part of my life, it’s still not who I am. I am not my diagnosis. I am not my symptoms. I am not MS.

My identity isn’t tied up in this disease. But do you know what else I learned? My identity isn’t my career, my talents or my style either. Because of MS my career ended, my talents became a struggle and my style became simple. Life changed and in the change I discovered I wasn’t any of those things.

But if those things are not me, then who am I?

I’ll tell you who I am. I’m a fighter who refuses to give up. I’m a warrior in the making. I’m brave, I’m courageous and I will never surrender. That’s who I am. Sure, days get hard and I cry much more than I ever thought possible as the world comes crashing in on me, but somehow I rise above the despair, the pain, and the heartbreak. Somehow I get through my day. Somehow I make it through the struggle. My faith in God, my tenacity and my never quit sprit keeps me strong.

I’ve learned to be thankful in all circumstances. To look this disease of MS squarely in the eyes and say, “I am not defeated because of you and I will never give up.” Sometimes I have to do that while shaking my fist in the air as I remind myself that even though I feel weak and broken, I am still a winner.

I’m thankful for my weaknesses. I’m thankful because they show me just how strong I really am. You see, my strength isn’t measured by the amount of things I can or can’t do. If that were the case, I’d be in a whole lot of trouble. No, my strength is determined by the attitude I bring with me while going through the chaos I face daily.

Don’t let MS define you. Don’t let the bad days determine who you are. With each passing day, you are an amazing warrior standing strong even though your body is weak. Some days the battle will overwhelm you but you will also have days when you will overwhelm it. Stay in the fight. You are not your MS. You are amazing. You are fabulous. You are incredible. You are… well, you are YOU!