My recent journey with multiple sclerosis

Last week I had the scary experience of my legs choosing to quit holding me up. I don’t know if they were tired or just wanted to take a break, but in the middle of a standing transfer from my power recliner to my power chair, my legs decided to give way which meant my body met the floor rather quickly. I wasn’t planning on a visit with the floor any time soon, but there we were, face-to-face.

It took me quite a while to be able to gather enough strength to get back up. Thankfully I was able to MacGyver my way to a living room chair. The hardest thing for me is that I have lost most trunk control so I topple over without both of my arms holding me up when trying to prop my body up in a sitting position. If one arm moves away to do something else I will topple over. Like a 3 legged chair on tilt.

My family came over to help get me to bed mid-afternoon. I just wanted to go to bed because I was hurting. My fall bruised my entire right foot. It’s still purple today but the swelling has gone down. Thankfully nothing broke. I have no feeling in my toes which doesn’t mean much because numbness in my legs and feet had been creeping deeper for months anyways. So it was a terrible day from the very start.

Many times when our bodies quit working as they should, we become discouraged. Those helpless times open the door for our thoughts to run wild with fears, and sometimes we find ourselves growing tired in the struggle.

This journey that we’re on — this journey called life — I know it’s not perfect. It has many hurdles and obstacles that keep jumping in the way. We can allow those difficulties to make us angry because our path has become hard and seemingly impassable, or we can choose to be thankful for the lessons we learn along the way.

I know it sounds crazy to be thankful while facing a monster like multiple sclerosis every day, but it’s possible, and you can be too.

What lessons? For me…

MS has taught me to hold it together when I would much rather fall apart.
MS has taught me to keep going when it would be so much easier to just throw my hands up and quit.
MS has taught me to rise up in strength when every part of me is weak and weary.
MS has taught me to always be grateful in the good times and to find the good in the bad.
MS has taught me to allow the tears because they provide water in the desert.
MS has taught me to sing even when I have no song left to sing.
MS has taught me to laugh in the face of sorrow.
MS has taught me to join hands with others just like me so no one has to face this beast alone.

What great life lessons. Lessons I have never regretted. You see, I have discovered that I am weak. My emotions, my thoughts, and especially my body…all weak. Friends may not understand the battles that I fight or realize the fragility of my life, but even when I’m alone in the journey I will hold my head high.

MS has made me strong in ways I never thought possible. I stand strong even while lying flat on the floor.

My strength is not something that can be taken away, it is something that grows with each passing day. Instead of allowing the struggle to defeat me, it is only making me stronger. I am strong because of my journey with multiple sclerosis, and that, I would never trade.

Stand strong in your weakness. Hold your head high and proudly wear those battle scars…those bruises and scrapes you have collected over time. With your sword in hand, charge forward in the fight. You are not defeated. You are just getting started.