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I’m fighting a monster called multiple sclerosis

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I have learned more about myself than I ever thought possible because of a monster called multiple sclerosis.

I’m braver now even though I didn’t know MS existed in my life until I was in my 40’s. I fought through mind numbing pain, muscle weakness and tears. I fought it daily with a sword in my hand while yelling, “Hiyah!”.

I’m stronger now because I had to be. My choice was fight or give up, but I’m not a quitter. That’s just not a part of my DNA. So fight, I did. I learned how to use a cane, then a walker and now a wheelchair. I learned what foods benefit my body the most and what supplements help me to cope.

I’m happier now because I’ve discovered what really matters most in life. It’s crazy how that happens. You face down a beast like MS and discover a strength that you didn’t even know you had and that many things in life aren’t really that important anymore. Hold onto true friends and family, and let the other things go. You don’t need the extra baggage. It will only weigh you down and hold you back.

I stand taller, figuratively, because I am a survivor. Yes, there will be struggles and pain. There will be times I may be fearful of tomorrow or even of the next step I need to take, but I will push to the end and give it I’ve got.

Remember, you are not alone in this fight. The great Rocky Balboa said, “The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.”

Come fight with me.

A patchwork of scars

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At one time in my life I worked as a seamstress. My mother was an incredible artist with fabric and passed her skills on to me. She taught me to embroidery, appliqué, darn and design clothing. Although I never perfected my skills to match hers, I was still quite savvy with a needle and thread.

I can remember walking through the fabric store and seeing bolt after bolt of fabric lined up in neat little rows. Some of the fabrics were bright and soft while others were dark and itchy. With a little bit of imagination, a lot of patience and some well crafted skills, a piece of velvet could be turned into a ball gown, a few yards of broadcloth could be used to make a blouse, and a section of vinyl could upholster a chair. The possibilities were endless.

After navigating through the beautiful rows of fabric, normally tucked away in the back corner of the store sat a bin that was always a bit disheveled and overflowing with odd pieces of fabric. These were the leftovers from the bolts of fabric in the front of the store. Fabric that was too small to make into trousers yet could still be used for something…only most people couldn’t figure out exactly what that something was.

Most people would walk right past that bin on their way to the satins and velvets not even giving it a thought. Others would poke around pulling at something that caught their eye, only to realize that the piece they pulled out wasn’t quite what they were looking for and toss it back into the pile.

But there were those who would spend great amounts of time digging through the different pieces of fabric in search of that hidden treasure they needed to finish their creation. These discarded scrap pieces of fabric were called “remnants.”

Our view of a remnant is something to toss to the side and throw away, but a remnant according to Webster’s dictionary is “a remaining fragment; a small surviving group of people.” Wow! A small surviving group of people? I think those of us with MS fit into that category quite nicely.

Don’t ever think of yourself as worthless because you are far from it. You are a remnant. You are a survivor! You are a patchwork of scars filled with strength, resilience, courage and bravery.

No matter what level of disability you are facing, no matter how quick MS is progressing in your body, no matter how foggy headed or forgetful you become, no matter how insignificant you think you are, you have been given this life to live…so live it! Square your shoulders back, hold your head high and BE a remnant.