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Conquer the MS Beast

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Earlier this week I tackled my plans to set up solar lights leading to my front door. Sounds easy, right? But I had lots of unforeseen problems. I gathered all the supplies needed to make the area beautiful but knew it would take a lot of time and patience to set everything up. The picture on this post shows what I did. I still need to get some plants for the area above the lights though. Right now it is a bunch of mulch but looks pretty even without any plants in it.

I had a few bags of white rocks to fill in the area around the lights but knew it wasn’t going to be easy to lay things out. I mapped out the light placement, dug up the area where they were going to be placed and laid down weed barrier to deter weeds from cropping up in the middle of the rocks.

One of my main issues while working was that I kept falling over due to my lack of trunk control. I couldn’t stay upright on the ground while I worked. It was challenging to keep still. I scraped my elbows and even my forehead once… ugh! Pulling myself up every time I fell over wasn’t as easy as it sounds. I ended up bruising my tailbone too as I inched my way back and forth across the sidewalk.

I feel accomplished with all the work that I got done. As I was working I kept thinking that bad things aren’t just happening to you and me… they’re happening everywhere. The way I see it, if I hadn’t gotten sick with MS, I would have never met you or had the opportunity to give you encouraging words to cheer you up.

MS challenges? Pfft, they’ve got nothing on me! I’m like a bulldozer, smashing through obstacles with sheer willpower. Nothing can extinguish the fire burning inside me to conquer the impossible. No matter how tough my MS life gets, I’m the kind of person who keeps pushing forward, defying the odds.

Setbacks will happen. I see them as temporary blips on my journey to greatness. Unleash your inner resilience to conquer whatever life throws your way. You have the power within you to create a life filled with strength, courage, and unwavering determination.

We are living in such dark times. I never dreamed of all the confusion, challenges and deception that is taking place around the world today. I had such high hopes for my future but I’m finding it harder to stay strong in the midst of the battle.

There are great things ahead. I really believe that. I refuse to throw in the towel no matter what life hurls at me or how bad my MS progression becomes. I’ve got an unstoppable determination to conquer the MS beast.

An MS life isn’t so simple

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Most people don’t have to think about the things they are doing in life like answering the door when an unexpected visitor arrives until something like multiple sclerosis comes along and messes with our ability to do those things. Sure, we have to juggle things around in order to fit the sudden changes into our day and most of the time those shifts are not so simple to make. It’s that way with just about everything I do.

I’ve never been a big fan of running errands. Who would have thought the mundane chores of grocery shopping, going to the bank or the post office, and even picking up lunch could be so daunting. For me, in order to run errands, the timing has to be planned perfectly to ensure I have the energy for the remainder of my day. Not planning can end in disaster…meaning, can end in me vegging on the couch for hours just to regain enough strength to help me cope with the rest of my day. Some errands can set me back days…not just hours.

I have to think about doing things more than people should. For example, take the act of walking. That may seem like a strange thing to have to think about, but when I stand up to try and walk, I have to make sure I have the proper supports around me to keep from falling down. Then I have to concentrate on each step, movement, leg shift and foot lift. It takes GREAT effort and tremendous thought to do something as simple as walking and sometimes I don’t have the strength to do it. My muscles turn to jelly and won’t allow it.

If I need something in the kitchen, I can’t just jump up and get it. If I drop something on the floor, many times that item will remain where it landed until I have the strength to reach down and pick it up. By the way, that can mean it will remain on the floor for days. If someone comes to the front door, it takes so much energy to transfer to my wheelchair and make my way to the door only to find out it’s a solicitor wanting me to try their restaurant take-out service, that’s why most of the time I just don’t answer it.

When MS comes into our lives, the things most people take for granted become something we are grateful to still be able to do. We know that one day everything will change, the unexpected will happen, life will shift and simple will no longer be simple. No amount of planning prepares someone mentally for those kinds of changes.

If you find yourself frustrated because you need to fill up your gas tank on your way to work today or because you need to pick up some cheese for tomorrow’s spaghetti dinner, stop and remind yourself that you are still able to do those things…and be grateful for the little things no matter the inconvenience.

Don’t take anything you are still able to do for granted. Those things may take extra time to work through or you may have to get creative in the way you do them, but you will have accomplished something greater than great when you do complete it. You will have done something some people are no longer able to do.

Don’t give up, don’t give in and keep going while you can. That’s what makes you an MS Warrior. Plan B, C, D, and sometimes even Z, ZZ, and ZZZ have become a part of my everyday life and I’m okay with that. I will keep trying, keep going, and shift with the changes until I no longer can.

A fearless warrior

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It makes me sad to think about all of the turmoil and chaos that is surrounding us in the world today. No matter where you are, you can’t seem to get away from it. It’s in front of you when you turn on the news, when you get online to try and find something worth reading, and even when you turn on the radio for a pick-me-up song. Such despair and uncertainty abounds.

I don’t have any answers for what is taking place in the world other than don’t react in fear. Fear is the worst thing you can ever hold on to. I’m not talking about fear of public speaking, escalators, or even spiders. Those are some my legitimate fears but not something that keeps me awake at night.

No, it’s deeper fears like war, famine, and even early death than will disturb any persons inner peace. I have found that I need to become fearless. Why? Because fearless people are not afraid to be afraid. They are able to take their fears as a warning sign and use them to get a better perspective of what is actually taking place around them… both the irrationally perceived problems and the real ones.

Every person experiences fear differently. You are not alone in this. Fear actually affects more people than the common cold. That’s because it’s a human experience. If I let fear rule me I would be cowering in the corner counting down time to my last breath. One thing you have to be mindful of is don’t let fear prevent you from actually living. That shouldn’t happen.

Fear reminds me that there is beauty all around in the shadows. It’s just hiding hoping to not be discovered. The beauty in the shadows is worth fighting for. No matter how bad thing can get, I will rise above the situation and be triumphant. I’m reminded that I’m a warrior regardless of what anyone else thinks. That I’m not going down with the ship. That I’m strong, mighty and capable of anything I put my mind to. And so are you. You’ve got this. Don’t lock yourself away in fear. Come out into the open, turn your face to the sun… and live. There is hope for a better day.

When it feels like everything is over, when the last bit of hope and light starts slipping away faster than you can chase it, it’s at that time you find you are able to gather enough strength to carry on. It’s that little voice you’ve been hearing in the back of your heart and mind to not quit and never give in. Listen to it. It knows more than you realize. You’ve got this. Become a fearless warrior with me.

Multiple sclerosis explained by someone living with it

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Those long lists on medical sites that describe multiple sclerosis really don’t tell the full story. They list out symptoms that make MS sound no different than a vacation to the hospital for a broken toe. So here is MS according to someone who actually lives with it. Yes, there is humor in there somewhere. You just gotta laugh at MS or you will go crazy.

  1. FATIGUE

    Much like someone who has just hiked 20 miles up a steep hill after two days of no sleep while carrying a backpack loaded with rocks on the hottest day of the year… that is fatigue. It’s that moment when your legs can no longer hold you up and every muscle, bone, and even eyelid hurts. Then as soon as you sit down (or more like fall down) you are asleep. A tornado could blow by and you would sleep right through it.

  2. WALKING DIFFICULTIES

    No we aren’t drunk, but imagine those times when you have experienced being drunk yourself. You attempt to walk across the floor with full intentions of simply going from your chair to the door but end up walking into walls and tables instead.

  3. SPASTICITY

    A constant charlie horse in the legs is more like it, but sadly it’s not just in the legs. Any muscle can be affected. We also have a tendency to involuntarily twitch and kick without warning. So if you say something stupid and we hit you in the head…oops, we’re sorry. That was an involuntary spastic moment.

  4. NUMBNESS

    Do you remember a time when you were sitting on the floor with your legs crossed and your foot fell asleep? Now imagine living with that feeling every minute of the day, only it’s not just in your legs. Many of us have that very feeling in our arms, legs, face and body.

  5. VISION PROBLEMS

    We don’t enjoy seeing two of everything unless it’s chocolate, or not being able to read an email on the computer because the words are blurry. Many of us will lose color clarity as well. So, if we are wearing uncoordinated clothes, don’t laugh. We didn’t know we were wearing bright neon green.

  6. DIZZINESS & VERTIGO

    You know that feeling you get when you are sure you’ve entered an unknown universe for a split second because you stood up too fast? Everything goes blank and things in the room begin to move around? Yeah, we live there. Who needs an amusement park when we have a roller coaster in our heads everywhere we go. We can tilt our head a certain direction and we’re off on the most exhilarating ride of our life.

  7. BLADDER & BOWEL PROBLEMS

    Long bathroom lines are our enemy. We can’t hold it and will give you a reason to mop the floor if you don’t let us cut in line. We can go from the extreme of not being able to go, to “I gotta go NOW!” One positive in it all, if you ever need to know where the nearest bathroom is… just ask. We know the fastest escape route to every bathroom on the planet.

  8. COGNITIVE DIFFICULTIES

    We forget often: scheduled appointments, birthdays, someone’s name, words, phone numbers and even how to do something we’ve done for years. Multitasking is out of the question. And asking us to deal with a difficult situation that requires deep thought may be met with a blank stare because we simply can’t get our brain to work.

  9. PAIN

    Yes, we experience pain. Lots of it, too. It’s not pain like when someone is stepping on your foot either. We are in pain because our nerves are misfiring and sending incorrect signals to our brain. And just in case you were wondering, Tylenol doesn’t help. You have to stop the communication process, not the actual pain. Sadly, MS pain never gives us a day off or allows for a time-out.

  10. SWALLOWING PROBLEMS

    If you invite us over for dinner and offer us a deliciously cooked steak and we decline, choosing to eat a bowl of soup instead, don’t be offended. Sometimes the effort of chewing and then trying to swallow what we just chewed is difficult. It’s MS’s fault, not your cooking… although, if you met my neighbor you would have a different story to tell.

  11. HEAT & COLD INTOLERANCE

    Heat causes chaos to our already damaged nerves making our symptoms a hundred-trillion times worse than normal. Add humidity to the mix and it becomes an unbearable situation. The cold is just as bad for many of us. Someone once said that there’s a place where the temperature is perfect all year long. It’s called “My Imagination.” Have you heard of it?

  12. SPEECH PROBLEMS

    Aside from the long pauses we take as we search to remember words, our voice can sound weak, winded, choppy and soft. Many times people will ask us to speak up, and although we would like to and even try, we can’t seem to get the words out any louder. Drive-thru ordering can be comical…“So, you want lettuce and popcorn on your hamburger? Really?” Regardless, we have a lot of wisdom, so pause and take the time to hear it.

  13. EMOTIONAL CHANGES

    Mood swings are real and we have them more than we like to admit. We have been known to burst out laughing at the most inappropriate times, like when someone is sharing a sad story about how their pet fish died. We also cry for no reason, get angry faster than normal and become extremely frustrated at things that never frustrated us before. After all, our life has flipped upside down and we are living in a world we don’t understand anymore.

  14. ITCHING

    Oh, the terrors. Itch, itch, itch…scratch, scratch, scratch…and not one mosquito in sight. We probably look like a ninja contortionist as we uncontrollably scratch at different parts of our body without any visible reason, but when our skin itches we just want it to stop. We have been known to scratch our skin raw in the process.

  15. TREMORS

    No, we don’t have Parkinson’s Disease… although it does look similar. Our hands, head, and sometimes whole body, can go through bouts of uncontrollable shaking and we can’t make it stop. We would make a good breakfast chef if anyone’s hiring. When it comes to cooking scrambled eggs we could whisk those eggs to pure fluffiness.

  16. BREATHING PROBLEMS

    MS can cause muscle weakness in our respiratory muscles giving us one of the most uncomfortable hugs ever. The MS Hug feels like a boa constrictor has wrapped itself around our torso and refused to let go. Good news: we are still breathing. Bad news: we have yet to discover the secret to breathing fire. I blame my breathing difficulties on the fact that my dad took my nose when I was 3 years old and forgot to give it back.

  17. HEARING LOSS

    Hearing loss, fluttering sounds, and ringing in the ears can be frustrating. For many, it feels like water has been trapped in the ear muffling sounds. Between that and the ringing, we carry around our own heavy metal band in our head. Although, sometimes our lack of hearing can be voluntary due to people being ignorant and saying stupid things that we don’t want to regret responding to later.

  18. SEXUAL PROBLEMS

    Something people don’t like to talk about, but just because sex isn’t talked about doesn’t mean it’s not a problem. Numb body parts, disrupted nerve signals and emotional changes make intimacy 100 times more challenging. Lots of patience, understanding and care is needed. Well, that and maybe some chocolate, or bacon…or chocolate covered bacon.

  19. HEADACHES

    Our headaches can be caused by many things: medications, lack of sleep, damaged nerve receptors, depression, a bladder infection, steroids, stress, and of all things… annoying questions. “Have you taken an aspirin?” is not an appropriate question to ask us about our pain. Neither is a response telling us it’s all just in our head. Really? MS…in our head? Who would have thought?

  20. SEIZURES

    Not all seizures are the same. It’s possible for us to have the typical kind with uncontrollable jerking movements, but we can also experience lapses of consciousness without any movement at all, experience a “drop attack” where our legs turn to jello causing us to drop to the floor, and have moments when we appear to be wide awake but are completely non-responsive. Those are all considered types of seizures, not new dance moves.