My body has limitations that aren’t negotiable

Stating my reality is not an excuse. When I tell you I can’t do something or I’m in pain, it’s not an excuse. It’s not a matter of not being positive enough or not trying hard enough. It’s my reality. It’s the truth.

It’s important to understand that being realistic does NOT mean giving up on your dreams. If there is something you really passionately want to do, but it would be challenging, you still may be able to do it if you plan and prepare appropriately.

Consider each activity more by how much you want to do it, or what you are willing to lose or miss out on if you do it, rather than trying to do everything you used to do. You know your body’s limits, and what is or isn’t worth the fight.

Be conservative in your planning at first so you can learn what your limitations and capabilities really are. Be aware that they can change often but you do have every right to push your limits and try to do the things that are important to you. The key part is to figure out what that looks like for you. Sometimes what you think will be super easy can actually be some of the most difficult things you do.

I have gone from being the person who organizes events to someone who is unlikely to have the cognitive space to complete the plans and worse, may pull out at the last minute or even won’t be able to join in on the celebration. Sometimes I am not even strong enough to take a shower in order to make myself presentable. I typically manage a quick text, before sinking back into exhaustion. Holiday times are the worst experiences for me.

An observation I have made is that some of my friends and family have taken this personally and assume that my change in behavior is a reflection of my feelings for them, rather than a symptom of MS which can change from day to day.

I can be so quiet about my struggle that people around me can forget they I’m hurting. This doesn’t mean I’m not having difficulties, it simply means I don’t want to bother them and keep saying the same thing over and over again like a broken record. I just wish my struggle could be better understood by those around me and that my worth wasn’t defined by what I can or can’t do.

This kind of disconnect can cause loneliness to set in which is tough to get through. The magic of human connection, just being seen and heard through the MS struggle, can be a great relief to the loneliness. A real conversation with someone who has taken time to ask and then genuinely listen can be worth more than all the plans and parties combined.

Stay strong for who you are — a person deserving of love. You have so much to offer the world just by being your authentic self. Don’t let self-doubt hold you back from living a meaningful life and embracing moments of joy and connection with others.

I want you to know that you are not a burden. Don’t let those negative thoughts define you. Your challenges or limitations do not make you any less worthy or valuable. There are people who see your strength and resilience in the face of difficulties and are encouraged by it. Focus on surrounding yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are, imperfections and all. Be the reason they feel less like a burden and more like a blessing.

I want you to know there is light ahead, even in your darkest moments. You can get through this. Stay strong and keep your head held high. Happier days are coming!