My recent journey with multiple sclerosis

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Last week I had the scary experience of my legs choosing to quit holding me up. I don’t know if they were tired or just wanted to take a break, but in the middle of a standing transfer from my power recliner to my power chair, my legs decided to give way which meant my body met the floor rather quickly. I wasn’t planning on a visit with the floor any time soon, but there we were, face-to-face.

It took me quite a while to be able to gather enough strength to get back up. Thankfully I was able to MacGyver my way to a living room chair. The hardest thing for me is that I have lost most trunk control so I topple over without both of my arms holding me up when trying to prop my body up in a sitting position. If one arm moves away to do something else I will topple over. Like a 3 legged chair on tilt.

My family came over to help get me to bed mid-afternoon. I just wanted to go to bed because I was hurting. My fall bruised my entire right foot. It’s still purple today but the swelling has gone down. Not yet sure if anything is broken until I meet with the Orthopedic doctor. I have no feeling in my toes which doesn’t mean much because numbness in my legs and feet had been creeping deeper for months anyways. So it was a terrible day from the very start.

Many times when our bodies quit working as they should, we become discouraged. Those helpless times open the door for our thoughts to run wild with fears, and sometimes we find ourselves growing tired in the struggle.

This journey that we’re on — this journey called life — I know it’s not perfect. It has many hurdles and obstacles that keep jumping in the way. We can allow those difficulties to make us angry because our path has become hard and seemingly impassable, or we can choose to be thankful for the lessons we learn along the way.

I know it sounds crazy to be thankful while facing a monster like multiple sclerosis every day, but it’s possible, and you can be too.

What lessons? For me…

MS has taught me to hold it together when I would much rather fall apart.
MS has taught me to keep going when it would be so much easier to just throw my hands up and quit.
MS has taught me to rise up in strength when every part of me is weak and weary.
MS has taught me to always be grateful in the good times and to find the good in the bad.
MS has taught me to allow the tears because they provide water in the desert.
MS has taught me to sing even when I have no song left to sing.
MS has taught me to laugh in the face of sorrow.
MS has taught me to join hands with others just like me so no one has to face this beast alone.

What great life lessons. Lessons I have never regretted. You see, I have discovered that I am weak. My emotions, my thoughts, and especially my body…all weak. Friends may not understand the battles that I fight or realize the fragility of my life, but even when I’m alone in the journey I will hold my head high.

MS has made me strong in ways I never thought possible. I stand strong even while lying flat on the floor.

My strength is not something that can be taken away, it is something that grows with each passing day. Instead of allowing the struggle to defeat me, it is only making me stronger. I am strong because of my journey with multiple sclerosis, and that, I would never trade.

Stand strong in your weakness. Hold your head high and proudly wear those battle scars…those bruises and scrapes you have collected over time. With your sword in hand, charge forward in the fight. You are not defeated. You are just getting started.

MS mystery of the day: What Happened?

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This morning I woke up to a few mystery bruises. You know, those dark marks on your skin that appear overnight for no apparent reason. I have no idea who I was fighting in my sleep. Maybe an anvil fell on top of me in my dreams. Hey, it could happen. Anything’s possible, right?!

I am always fascinated when things like that happen. I began playing the past few days back in my mind trying to piece together the story of what happened. Most of the time I’m unable to determine exactly what I did. All I know is I went to bed last night and my arm was fine. I woke up this morning and BAM…I’ve been sucker punched and am now the proud owner of a black and blue softball sized bruise on my upper arm and a few small ones on my shin.

Multiple sclerosis comes with a full array of mysteries. I think I wake up to a new one every day. I have to say that I know for a fact the answer to them is not Colonel Mustard in the Library with a Candle Stick. Maybe it was Professor Plum? Or Miss Scarlet?

For now though, today, if anyone asks me what happened I’m going to tell them that some idiot tried to rob me in the middle of the night but due to my quick thinking and amazing skills, I karate chopped him to the ground and sent him to the hospital. Might as well have a little fun with it. It will be interesting to see who actually believes me.

I try to always put a fun spin on the things that happen in my life. If nothing else, it’s entertaining. Besides, I’d much rather laugh than cry.

I’ve been kidnapped before, run over by a tractor, fallen in a pool dressed as a clown and ridden a horse backwards while wearing a flaming hat. If you believe any of that, I have a piece of the moon I can sell you for $100. It even comes signed by ET himself.

Try making today into something fun. Find a laugh in the ordinary, mundane or chaos. Get creative. Enjoy your day regardless of the mess around you. Anything is possible with just a little bit of imagination. This life is so interesting. I always wonder what’s going to happen next.

I gotta go. Cookie Monster is cooking me breakfast and it sounds like he might have mistaken the plates for cookies again. Good morning, good afternoon and good night everyone.

MS takes the simple out of life

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Most people don’t have to think about the things they are doing in life like answering the door when an unexpected visitor arrives until something like multiple sclerosis comes along and messes with our ability to do those things. Sure, we have to juggle things around in order to fit the sudden changes into our day and most of the time those shifts are not so simple to make. It’s that way with just about everything I do.

I’ve never been a big fan of running errands. Who would have thought the mundane chores of grocery shopping, going to the bank or the post office, and even picking up lunch could be so daunting. For me, in order to run errands, the timing has to be planned perfectly to ensure I have the energy for the remainder of my day. Not planning can end in disaster…meaning, can end in me vegging on the couch for hours just to regain enough strength to help me cope with the rest of my day. Some errands can set me back days…not just hours.

I have to think about doing things more than people should. For example, take the act of walking. That may seem like a strange thing to have to think about, but when I stand up to try and walk, I have to make sure I have the proper supports around me to keep from falling down. Then I have to concentrate on each step, movement, leg shift and foot lift. It takes GREAT effort and tremendous thought to do something as simple as walking and sometimes I don’t have the strength to do it. My muscles turn to jello and won’t allow it.

If I need something in the kitchen, I can’t just jump up and get it. If I drop something on the floor, many times that item will remain where it landed until I have the strength to reach down and pick it up. By the way, that can mean it will remain on the floor for days. If someone comes to the front door, it takes so much energy to transfer to my wheelchair and make my way to the door only to find out it’s a solicitor wanting me to try their restaurant take-out service, that’s why most of the time I just don’t answer it.

When MS comes into our lives, the things most people take for granted become something we are grateful to still be able to do. We know that one day everything will change, the unexpected will happen, life will shift and what’s simple will no longer be simple. No amount of planning prepares someone mentally for those kinds of changes.

If you find yourself frustrated because you need to fill up your gas tank on your way to work today or because you need to pick up some cheese for tomorrow’s spaghetti dinner, stop and remind yourself that you are still able to do those things…and be grateful for the little things no matter the inconvenience.

Don’t take anything you are still able to do for granted. Those things may take extra time to work through or you may have to get creative in the way you do them, but you will have accomplished something greater than great when you do complete it. You will have done something some people are no longer able to do.

Don’t give up, don’t give in and keep going while you can. That’s what makes you an MS Warrior. Plan B, C, D, and sometimes even Z, ZZ, and ZZZ have become a part of my everyday life and I’m okay with that. I will keep trying, keep going, and shift with the changes until I no longer can.

My night of sleep… yes, I said sleep

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Emerging data suggests that extending a nightly sleep duration of people who habitually get insufficient sleep is associated with health benefits. My doctor has changed the dosage of Trazodone that I take to help me sleep at night because I told her the previous amount wasn’t helping as it did at first. Amazingly enough the higher dosage did help me get better sleep last night.

I was so deep in sleep that I had a dream a friend was over at my house. We were talking and I told her I needed to excuse myself because I had to go to the bathroom. Keep in mind I’m still asleep. In my dream I was on the toilet and attempting to empty my bowels.

That’s normally not an easy task when I’m awake even with a daily intake of stool softeners. I was using my abs to attempt to push hard… while asleep. That’s the only muscle group that works for me to empty my bowels. I even told my doctor I have washboard abs now all because of it.

Thankfully,  I woke up realizing I wasn’t on the toilet and hadn’t push hard enough to get anything out yet. I transferred to my power chair, made my way to the bathroom and barely got there in enough time to do my business without making a mess. Phew…

That was a close call. We’ll see how things go in the days ahead and if the higher dose works without any further dream issues. I sure hope it does. I really need all the rest I can get. I much prefer sleep to chronic insomnia.

Healthy sleep is important for cognitive function, emotion regulation, physical development, and a better quality of life. Considering I’m a person living with multiple sclerosis, it’s imperative to have a good developing immune system.

Sleep is incredibly effective at helping repair the day-to-day cellular injury that happens, but most people don’t get the amount of high-quality sleep needed to do so. Its impact on the nervous system works best when we’re asleep doing the vital work needed to keep our cells thriving, but you can also get tremendous benefits from other types of rest as well.

If you’ve ever found yourself feeling blissfully calm during a massage, drifting in and out of consciousness while meditating or praying, breathing slowly and rhythmically while reading a book, or pleasantly lost in thought while on a walk in nature, you’ve experienced a sense of deep rest.

The process of sweeping away and recycling old or damaged cellular material truly helps rebuild new cells and minimizes inflammation levels throughout the body. I like the thought of that. So if a medication will help me to get that rest, I’m all in for it. I’ll let you know how things go in the days to come.

Story of my multiple sclerosis journey

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Penelope was 46 when she received the diagnosis that would change her life: multiple sclerosis. There were symptoms that started just days earlier of tingling in her fingers and parts of her face along with a frightening episode where her vision blurred for days. As a graphic designer and web developer who thrived on precision and creativity, she was devastated. She couldn’t imagine how she’d navigate a future with a disease known for its unpredictability. But as the years unfolded, her story became one of courage, adaptation, and an unyielding spirit.

After a few years had passed, she noticed a subtle but painful shift in her life. Muscle weakness crept into her hands, making it harder to sketch the intricate designs she once crafted effortlessly. Her legs grew unreliable, forcing her to use a cane on bad days. Cognitive decline brought frustrating “foggy” moments — forgetting names or losing her train of thought mid-sentence. Bladder issues added another layer of challenge, often leaving her anxious about leaving the house. Yet Penelope refused to let MS define her. “I’m still me,” she’d tell herself, “just with a few extra hurdles.”

On days when her hands trembled too much to hold a coffee mug, she’d laugh it off saying, “Guess it’s a smoothie day!” — turning frustration into a moment of laughter. When walking to the store became too taxing, a walker was her friend which soon turned into an electric wheelchair. She’d zip alongside kids in the neighborhood on bikes racing through the neighborhood, wind in their hair, laughing like nothing could hold her back. Penelope made it a point to be honest with others about her struggles, telling them that strength wasn’t about hiding pain but about facing it head-on.

The cognitive decline was harder to mask. She’d sometimes lose words mid-conversation or forget appointments. Instead of retreating, she embraced tools — phone reminders, sticky notes plastered around her home, even a journal where she scribbled thoughts before they slipped away. She called it her “brain backup plan” and turned it into a blog, sharing tips with others facing similar battles. What started as a personal coping mechanism grew into a small online community, with readers thanking her for making them feel less alone.

Then the most devastating thing happened within her social circle. Friends she’d once counted on, people she’d shared late-night laughs and weekend adventures with, began to drift away. It wasn’t malice or a dramatic falling-out that caused the rift; it was something quieter, more insidious: their inability to adjust to her struggles and her growing need for help.

In the beginning, her friends rallied around her. There were casseroles dropped off after her diagnosis, texts checking in, and promises of “we’ll get through this together.” But as MS dug in deeper, the reality of her condition clashed with their expectations. When Penelope could no longer join them for spontaneous hikes or movie nights, she had to replace the time by careful planning around fatigue and accessibility — invitations slowed. “You used to be so fun,” one friend let slip during a rare coffee date, not realizing how the words stung. Penelope wanted to scream that she was still the same person inside, just trapped in a body that wouldn’t cooperate.

The physical changes were hard enough, but the need for help became the real wedge. In a few years simple tasks — like carrying groceries or getting up from a low couch — required assistance. She’d ask a friend to grab something from a high shelf or steady her arm as she navigated a step, and she’d catch the flicker of discomfort in their eyes. Some stopped coming over altogether, citing busy schedules, though Penelope knew it was more than that. One close friend admitted over the phone, “I just don’t know how to handle this — it’s too heavy.” Penelope hung up feeling like a burden, a label she’d never wanted.

She stopped reaching out after that. She understood: her struggles were messy, inconvenient, a stark reminder of vulnerability in a world that prized independence. But understanding didn’t dull the ache of isolation. For a while, Penelope internalized the losses. She’d lie awake, replaying conversations, wondering if she’d asked for too much or if she’d somehow failed them.

Slowly she let go of the guilt and reframed her circle. She sought out new connections — people from her MS community who got it along with a few people from her church who didn’t flinch when she needed a hand. One woman became her rock, someone who’d laugh with over spilled coffee instead of looking away. Penelope also leaned harder into her online community, where her blog about living with MS drew messages from strangers who felt like kindred spirits. “You’re not alone,” they’d write, and she began to believe it.

The old friendships faded into bittersweet memories, but Penelope found peace in the ones that stayed — her one lasting church friend who never wavered and a neighbor who’d drop by just to chat. She mourned the losses, yes, but she also realized they weren’t her failure. MS had changed her life, not her worth. And in the quiet strength of those who stuck around, and the new bonds she forged, Penelope discovered a truth: the right people would adjust to her struggles, not because they had to, but because they wanted to.

Thank you for sticking with me over the years along my journey. For putting up with my bad days, laughing at my sarcastic humor and crazy MS moments, and allowing me the time to be an inspiration for you to hang in there when time get tough. You are my much needed rock. I can’t thank you enough.

To all my online kindred spirits, you are treasures and I will never take your presence in my life for granted even if we never meet in person. Thank you for being who you are!

Penelope Conway

Dealing with negative people

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Everything in the world is filled with so much negativity it’s getting harder and harder to keep a positive focus. Is that even possible any more? I happen to believe it is possible and being positive is doable.

Dealing with negative people can be tricky, but I’ve got a few strategies that might help. First, I try to stay calm and not let their vibe drag me down—easier said than done, I know. Sometimes, I’ll listen to what they’re saying, not to argue, but just to get where they’re coming from. A little empathy can go a long way, even if it’s just a nod or a “yeah, that sounds rough.”

Sometimes, negativity stems from personal struggles or a deeply ingrained habit. Understanding this doesn’t excuse their behavior but can provide context. They might be going through personal issues like stress, health problems, depression, or anxiety; have a pessimistic outlook due to past experiences or upbringing; or even lack self-awareness about how their behavior affects others.

Then there’s the media and social platforms—they thrive on drama. Fear, outrage, and bad news hook us faster than feel-good stories. Algorithms know it, too, so they keep feeding us the heavy stuff. Add in the past few years of pandemics, economic wobbles, political chaos—and it’s like everyone’s got a reason to vent. People also bond over shared complaints; it’s a weird social glue.

Don’t engage in their negativity and do your best to avoid getting pulled into their negative vortex. When it’s too much, I just keep my distance where I can. If their negativity seems to stem from deeper issues like depression or anxiety, gently suggesting professional help could be beneficial. No point in soaking up someone else’s storm if it’s not my weather to handle.

Ensure you take care of your own mental health in the process. Negativity can be contagious, so counteract it with activities that boost your mood, like exercise, reading an encouraging message, singing, or engaging with positive people.

By combining understanding with strategic interaction, you can better manage your exposure to negativity while possibly helping the person see a different perspective over time. Remember, your mental health should always come first, so these strategies are also about protecting your own peace of mind.

What’s your go-to move when you’re stuck with a negativity magnet?

__________

There is a magnificent, beautiful, wonderful painting in front of you! It is intricate, detailed, a painstaking labor of devotion and love! The colors are like no other, they swim and leap, they trickle and embellish! And yet you choose to fixate your eyes on the small fly which has landed on it! Why do you do such a thing? ― C. JoyBell C.

An open letter – from someone living with MS

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To whom it may concern:

There is an entire world filled with people who don’t understand multiple sclerosis. I know since you don’t live with the disease yourself it is hard to comprehend, but I hope what I have to say will help open your eyes and heart to what life is really like for me…hopefully giving you insight and understanding into the life of someone living with MS.

First off, I would like to say that multiple sclerosis is real, it hurts, it is full of challenges and struggles, and if you haven’t figured it out yet, it is invisible to a majority of the population since the destruction takes place inside the body. The effects are seen in other ways as I walk, talk and go through my day with disabling symptoms, but if you were able to see inside my body, you wouldn’t judge me so quickly. My insides are a wreck and filled with chaos.

Sure, I wear a smile much of the time, but that doesn’t mean the disease isn’t there. It just means I’m doing a pretty good job at covering it up. You see the mask I wear, but let me explain what happens day in and day out. I get angry, fearful, weepy and scared. Lingering in the back of my mind is the fact that one day my future will be drastically different than it is today. You see, MS is progressive. That means that although today I may be moving around okay, tomorrow I may not. It may take a year or 20 years, but my life is changing every day.

Please know that it hurts when you so casually decide you know what’s best for me. MS has affected every part of my life, but that doesn’t mean it’s made me incapable of making decisions. Don’t exclude me from things just because you think I wouldn’t want to be a part or because you think it would be too hard for me to do. Let me make that decision. It hurts more to be left out than to give a response of “no thank you” to an invitation. I would much rather be given the option. Please don’t stop inviting me or including me even if you get a lot of “No” replies.

Another thing that really hurts is when you tell me you know how I feel. Really? You understand the fatigue that never goes away, the numbness in my body, the pain, the bladder problems, the vision struggles? I have major damage in my brain and spine causing continued chaos throughout my body, and you want to try and compare your flu symptoms to my MS? Please don’t do that. Unless you are living with MS yourself, don’t even try and tell me you know how I feel. Support me, help me, console me if that’s needed, but don’t make the assumption that you get it.

Then there’s the problem I have of you always trying to fix me as if I’m broken. I’m not broken. I’m simply living with a chronic incurable disease. That means it’s not going away unless a cure is found…and no, there isn’t a cure yet. All those supposed cures you read about online, they aren’t cures. They are either symptom management techniques, wishful thinking, or money making schemes. Nothing has been found to completely remove MS from someone’s life. Nothing aside from a miracle! So your great Aunt Sue’s cousin’s friend who was cured using a combination of bumble bees, tin foil and baking soda…I’m not interested in the recipe. Accept me for who I am. I’m thankful you care, but your remedies cause me more weariness than help.

Something else I’d like to say…for some reason you have this need to ask me if I’m feeling better every time you see me. As I’ve said before, MS is progressive so that question truly has no answer. If I express a concern that I am having due to MS or talk about a new symptoms I am facing, responding by saying “get over it” doesn’t help in any way.

I’ve always thought that to be a strange response. Get over what? Get over the pain? Get over the fear? Get over a chronic illness? What exactly am I to be getting over? How am I to get over something that I’m living with on a daily and minute-by-minute basis. It’s easy for people to come along and say “get over it” when they aren’t experiencing my challenges, but a person doesn’t just get over multiple sclerosis…they live with it.

Instead of always asking me if I’m feeling better, treat me like everyone else. There are more things to talk about in life than my having MS. I don’t want that to be the center of conversation every time we meet. I am more than my MS. I am still me and would much rather talk about gardening, traveling, architecture or the next movie coming out. Don’t ignore my struggle, but don’t make it a continual focus either.

Please know that I have my bad days and at times terrible, horrible really awful days. Getting out doesn’t make them better either. In actuality, going out has the potential of making them worse. Me doing more will not make my MS symptoms less. Yes, exercise is important, but it has to be done carefully.

That old saying “no pain, no gain” will not work for me. If I get to the point of pain, I have pushed too far and my body is going to rebel for days, if not weeks. I have to do everything carefully and with great planning. Sometimes my bad days happen within minutes of a good moment. That’s just how rebellious my body can be. So please don’t tell me I need to get out more or I just need to lose weight to feel better. That’s not the cause of my struggle and it is not the answer to my pain.

So, the next time you decide you want to judge me for my bad days, bad moods or even my bad responses to your insensitivity, keep these things in mind…

I am the same person I was before my MS diagnosis. I am intelligent, caring, full of fun, loving, ready to laugh at any given moment, and a great friend. I also have the potential to be angry, moody, and frustrated. All still part of who I am. I would like nothing more than for MS to be cured, but as of today that reality doesn’t exist. Please don’t look at my disability as if that’s all that I am. I am still me…MS and all. The only difference is that I need a lot more love, support, care and understanding. I would much rather have someone fighting alongside me than against me.

Signed,
An MS Warrior
(Penelope Conway, Positive Living with MS)

P.S. Please share this with your friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors. Multiple sclerosis awareness is needed all around the world.

When opinions become facts

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Knowledge can be powerful, but you can’t misinterpret a tiny glimpse of information about multiple sclerosis and then declare to the world that you know all about it… both the cause and a cure. Many people are even pushing their own products as support for their theories. It’s all a scam for get rich quackery. After all who else can make money today but the fakers and the takers.

Big pharma has been a great example. Push a product with no actual facts as a cure and people will buy it by the droves. No proof needed. Just spout off a few unapproved statistics and you’re gold… rolling in it that is.

To those online experts that talk about MS as if it’s cured I say…I wish you could live in my body for a day. You would quickly give up your degree in neurology. Oh, wait, you didn’t go to medical school. You got all your schooling from Uncle Fakealot and Dr Google. In that case, you need to fire Uncle Fakealot and even more importantly give up your university degree. 9 times out of 10 Dr. Google is WRONG.

But really, the internet isn’t what’s wrong. It’s people. We live in this weird period of time where people try to solve all of the world’s problems with bite-sized theories, unproven statistics and wacky medical solutions. Gone are the days of real knowledge. Opinions have become truth and everyone is an expert.

No one is wrong in how they go about living with MS. There are always things we could do better and new things to learn, but NEVER should we act as if we are the guru of all knowledge and wisdom regarding something as unknowable as MS and the human body, because we aren’t. Even doctors aren’t, they are all just practicing. That’s why their business is called a practice.

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad because they chose a different path than you. You be you and do what you know you need to do for yourself. You know your body better because you are the one actually living in it. Be unique, be crazy, make a mess, try new things, make mistakes, and even succeed…but most of all, hang onto the smiles around you and enjoy living.

There’s only one you and only one today, but there is a potential for lots of smiles to help you through this mess called life. Choose to find the smiles.

You’ve got this… facing difficult times with MS

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I basically lived outdoors in the summer when I was growing up. My favorite places to go were the park and the local swimming pool. Each day I would walk miles and miles and think nothing of it, after all I was an adventurer and I’m am explorer.

I would visit my friend sometimes while I was out but would dread the walk to her house. To get there, I had to cross through Mr. Rupenthal’s field. Nothing wrong with that other than the fact that he had a horse who didn’t like people much.

I don’t know how, but every time I climbed the fence to start my trip through the field, if that horse was wandering in the field, he would hear me and come charging. I always tried to be really quiet…well, as quiet as a nine-year-old can be when attempting to be sneaky. The horse would chase me to the other side of the field nipping at me as I climbed over the fence to freedom.

I was always glad once I made it through to the other side. There was a sense of accomplishment I felt. Oh, the stories I had to tell once I made it home from my adventures through Mr. Rupenthal’s field. I would tell of the fear I felt and the things I saw, but mostly of the fact that I made it through to the other side.

We go through a lot of things in life, more than just fields of mean horses. If you look back, you have stories to tell of your own adventures in life. Some of those adventures are comical, some sad, some heartbreaking…but all tell of you making it through.

It’s the same with multiple sclerosis. You may be going through a difficult time right now, but the good thing is you are going through. Think back over your life at every difficult time you have faced. You have made it through each one. I’m sure there were moments you weren’t quite sure how or even if you would make it, but here you are as someone who has made it through.

Each person’s story is unique. Each one is filled with adventures and explorations of going through something. Oh, the fear you’ve faced, the uncertainty of whether you would see tomorrow, the scrapes and bruises you’ve experienced along the way, and the tears. The pain that follows is indescribable, misunderstood, and unpredictable.

Last week I went to bed early and woke up a few hours later confused, disoriented, weak and my whole body was trembling. I didn’t even have enough energy to sit up and transfer to my power chair so I could get a drink of water from the kitchen. It was a scary moment for me. I have had tremors that are bad but none that bad. I swallowed a few pills that help me with tremors but did it without a drink. They all went down okay, I tried to rest in hopes that I would wake up stronger. Thankfully I did fall back asleep and woke up with just minimal tremors! That’s a win for me. I make it.

You will get to the other side of the difficult times that you are in right now, and when you do, just think of the stories you will have to tell.  You’re an MS warrior going through…I like the sound of that. You are someone in motion, doing something even if it’s just waiting for the chaos to subside (which is doing something), but regardless you are going through…and tomorrow will be a new day filled with new possibilities. Pause and take a deep breath. You got this.

Multiple sclerosis tried to break me

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Have you ever gone to the beach and taken time to truly examine the seashells that wash onto the beach? Some people are avid shell hunters and spend countless hours searching for the perfect ones. They are looking for beautiful coloration and formation. They don’t even contemplate collecting the broken ones, after all who wants a broken shell sitting on their coffee table?

But then you have people like me who enjoy going to the beach and stumbling across incredible little treasures along the shore. I pick up each shell that stands out to me as the waters ebb and flow over the sand. Some of the shells at first glance look like a perfect creation, yet once I bend down to pick them up, I find them to be a broken treasure instead. Those are my favorite kind and the ones I place in my pocket to take home.

I have a bowl full of broken shells that I have proudly displayed for anyone who comes over to see. Some of those shells are beautiful pieces that could be made into an exquisite piece of jewelry, but most of them are fragile and broken from years of life in rough waters. Some have lost their vibrant color, others have lost their outward beauty, and still others have allowed deposits from the ocean environment to leave a lasting mark on their surface. Each one is broken and yet each one is amazingly beautiful.

Just like those shells, some say that I’m broken. They look at me – at my past mistakes, burdens, heartaches, and even at the fact that I’m living with multiple sclerosis – and all they see are my cracks, scars and the shattered fragments of my life. But the most amazing thing happens when you hold me up to the light. Not only will you see my imperfections, but you will also see what makes me beautiful.

I admit that sometimes it takes everything I’ve got to simply get out of bed in the morning. Many times I don’t want to get up. I wake up before dawn and all the “stuff” I have to do, along with what I haven’t done and the problems that await me, comes crashing down and all I want to do is stay in bed and hide under the covers.

I take a deep breath and gather the strength I need and roll out of bed, sometimes even crawl, to start my day. It’s because of being broken that I am who I am…a battle weary warrior who has overcome much with unimaginable strength, determination and a refusal to give up.

You have cracks, scars and broken areas of your life too. The ups and downs you have experienced are real. Just because you are imperfect and living with a chronic disease doesn’t mean you are worthless. Each one of those things makes you uniquely you. You are not broken…you are a beautiful example of how someone can push through all the junk life throws their way and rise above it shinning brightly. You are not broken…you are beautifully YOU… scars, imperfections, wounds, bruises, cracks, and all.