My never-ending multiple sclerosis struggle

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I’m not going to lie and tell you that life is wonderful at the moment or pretend to have all the answers. The truth is, life is hard and for those of us living with a chronic illness it seems harder than it does for others because our struggle is never-ending and always changing.

Each morning I wake up exhausted but thankful that a new day is here filled with its countless possibilities. Throughout the day I face challenges that at times can become overwhelming, painful, and sometimes more difficult than I had ever imagined. Multiple sclerosis challenges can cause a lot of trouble and bring about a battle that I don’t always have the strength to fight. But somehow I gather enough strength to come up swinging. I refuse to let the struggle win.

Just yesterday I fell yet again transferring to my powerchair. You’d think I would have found a way to avoid it but I never do. I tend to go from point A to point L, M, N, O, P before I find point B. But even in my roundabout way, I get there. With my new bruises, wounded pride and 2 large cups of coffee I was able to get through the day. I made it… or so I thought.

It was right before bed that I discovered a leak in my urostomy pouching bag used for my makeshift bladder so I had to clean myself up and  put on a new pouch. Just doing that took the remaining strength I had left. My hands weren’t working well for me. Between tremors and weakness my hands were making the change difficult.

I barely had enough strength to climb into bed. When I finally got to bed for the night I paused to reflect on my day and without fail I realized that I made it through another day with MS. Maybe bruised and a bit wounded, but I made it through. As I closed my eyes I did so with gratitude and with a heart filled with thanks that I made it through another day.

After all that I remembered that a new day is coming. What will that new day hold? Will it be a good day, a terrible day, or will I even have enough strength to get through it? Will I cry? Will I laugh? I just don’t know. All I know is a new day is coming.

I know an MS life can be hard, but through the struggle I want you to remember this…

When things get bad, no matter how hard they become, know that even on your darkest, cloudiest day, the sun is still shining from behind the clouds. It hasn’t fallen out of the sky. It hasn’t run away or been turned off. It’s still there and although the storm clouds can become daunting and terrifying as they hide the sun from view, they will eventually shift and you will find those beautiful rays of light peeking out once again.

Don’t let your struggle steal your happiness. Stay strong and find new ways to persevere. Remember those moments when you pushed through the pain and managed to wade through the darkness? Those are your strongest days. You would have never experienced such strength if you hadn’t been pushed so hard to find a way to survive.

And that’s what you are…a survivor!

You are not alone in this journey with MS. Brighter days will come. I can guarantee you that.

Oh, look…I think I just saw a little bit of sunlight peeking through the clouds. It’s a new day filled with new possibilities. You are going to make it!

I’m not broken, a burden or an inconvenience

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In today’s world, we are constantly being made to believe that something is wrong with us because we have multiple sclerosis. Those of us using walking aids, wheelchairs and braces for some reason are seen as broken and a burden. We move much too slow, drop things way too easily and need help way too often with even the simplest of tasks for most people to bear. And those with MS who don’t need visible help…the bathroom issues, pain, emotional moments, and memory difficulties are viewed in the same way: as an inconvenience for others.

I can remember when I first started using a cane. I tried to hide it from people. I really did. I would wait until the last moment possible to get my cane in hand in order to walk across the parking lot of the grocery store. I would try to keep it as close to my right leg as possible thinking it would make it less noticeable. It didn’t, but I tried anyway.

The walker was much harder to hide. I felt like I was pushing around a truck with caution signs and flashing lights. “Look at me, here I come! Beep, beep, beep.”

The responses it invoked in people was not always comfortable to handle either. As soon as someone saw me with a walker, the questions began…too many questions, and ones that required exhausting explanations. I wasn’t ashamed of MS, I was simply tired of the constant “What’s wrong with you?” questions met with “I know what you need to do to make MS go away” responses.

Sometimes for me, the easiest response was lying and saying “It’s a football injury.” That was always met with a smile and a nod…even though I’m a girl. What? Sports injuries are more readily acceptable than a chronic illness?

Now that I use a wheelchair, it’s a bit harder to hide my walking difficulties but I’ve also gotten better at handling people’s stares, questions and comments. It still gets to me at times, but I’m okay with most people’s responses. I’ve come to understand that the negative and insensitive comments made by people simply show who they are as a person and has nothing to do with me.

One of the most important things I have learned is that multiple sclerosis has not left me broken. Cracked? Maybe…but I think I was cracked way before MS came along. If anything, it has opened my eyes to seeing the real me and to seeing how broken this world really is.

Yes, it takes me longer to do just about everything from checking the mail, to sweeping the floor, to getting out of bed. But even though I may not be fast at doing things, I can still get to where I’m going. It may take some creativity and some extra help, but I make it every time.

Ultimately, it would be wonderful to live in a world where disabilities took a back seat to who we are as a person. That day will probably never come, but regardless of what the world thinks, I want you to know that you are not broken or a burden.

You are a beautifully patched together work of art covered in scars yet filled with amazing resilience and strength. Your scars display an amazing roadmap of courage. You are not MS, a cane, a wheelchair, or even an emotional mess. You are incredibly you! You are important, needed, and wonderful just the way that you are…and don’t you ever forget it.


“Why Not You?

  • Today, many will awaken with a fresh sense of inspiration. Why not you?
  • Today, many will open their eyes to the beauty that surrounds them. Why not you?
  • Today, many will choose to leave the ghost of yesterday behind and seize the immeasurable power of today. Why not you?
  • Today, many will break through the barriers of the past by looking at the blessings of the present. Why not you?
  • Today, for many the burden of self doubt and insecurity will be lifted by the security and confidence of empowerment. Why not you?
  • Today, many will rise above their believed limitations and make contact with their powerful innate strength. Why not you?
  • Today, many will choose to live in such a manner that they will be a positive role model for their children. Why not you?
  • Today, many will choose to free themselves from the personal imprisonment of their bad habits. Why not you?
  • Today, many will choose to live free of conditions and rules governing their own happiness. Why not you?
  • Today, many will find abundance in simplicity. Why not you?
  • Today, many will be confronted by difficult moral choices and they will choose to do what is right instead of what is beneficial. Why not you?
  • Today, many will decide to no longer sit back with a victim mentality, but to take charge of their lives and make positive changes. Why not you?
  • Today, many will take the action necessary to make a difference. Why not you?
  • Today, many will make the commitment to be a better mother, father, son, daughter, student, teacher, worker, boss, brother, sister, & so much more. Why not you?

Today is a new day!

Many will seize this day.
Many will live it to the fullest.
Why not you?”

― Steve Maraboli

MS altered my life but it doesn’t define it

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I think all of us long for the day when multiple sclerosis no longer exists. When we wake up in the morning to find that not only is there a cure which has eradicated MS from the planet, but one that has reversed the damage already affecting hundreds of thousands of people worldwide.

I woke up this morning and sad to say, today wasn’t that day. So what do I do? Do I get angry because of the struggle? Do I allow depression to overtake me? Do I resent the fact that life is so very different than I ever planned for it to be? Or, do I choose to recognize that life will have problems no matter what I’m facing or where I’m at and that it’s necessary to find some good in the day if I am going to get through it. Can that even be done?

It’s not easy living with a chronic progressive illness as you already know. Days can be so unpredictable and the limitations we experience can become overwhelming and heartbreaking. No amount of ignoring it, hiding it, or pretending it isn’t there is going to make it all go away.

I can tell you that as a fact because I took a shower this morning but struggled to gather up enough strength just to dry myself off. At least I remembered to rinse all the shampoo out of my hair before getting out. But since I have gotten dressed I’ve been dragging just to get myself going. Why do I do that to myself? I know that showers are one of my enemies that I need to be cautious of because it increases the weakness throughout my body for at least an hour afterwards. Telling me to ignore my weakness or even to pretend it doesn’t exist at a time like that is preposterous. I need a nap not a judgement from a heartless uncaring individual.

The most important thing I could ever tell you in life is that you are much more than your weaknesses and strengths. You are so much more than MS. Don’t let it define you.

  1. Try to express gratitude for the simple things: a warm shower, buttered toast and the smell of rain. Practicing gratitude helps focus awareness on what is going well.
  2. Recognize anxiety triggers. An upcoming MRI scan or doctor’s appointment, even walking into a medical office may bring up feelings of dread. Sometimes just recognizing anxiety can help dissipate some of the nervous energy.
  3. If you don’t quite have your pre-MS stamina, find a new way to experience what you love. Do you enjoy gardening? Try floral arranging. If golfing brings you pleasure, don’t throw in towel if you can’t complete 18 holes; set up a putting green in the living room.
  4. Stay engaged in life activities. Don’t delay living life to the fullest and planning for more. Make vacation plans or enroll in a community art class.
  5. Get physical. If there is a universal remedy for any type of illness it’s “keep moving.” The body is made for movement; without it, muscles shrink and weakness sets in. Ask your healthcare provider for a referral to physical therapy to jump start your physical improvement program.
  6. Connect with others who are thriving in spite of an MS diagnosis. What are their coping strategies? Healthy support groups can be a place of refuge where your feelings can be validated by other people sharing a similar life experience.
  7. Have tough conversations. Talking about the future can be hard. Sometimes just getting the conversation going is a tough problem to overcome. But if you’re talking with your close circle of family and friends, that’s a great start.

There are times when we need to put on a brave face even when we don’t feel very brave. To recognize our worth, beyond our accomplishments and bank account balances. To look MS in the face and say “I’m not afraid of you and will not be defeated along my journey into the unknown with a chronic progressive illness.”

It’s important to embrace yourself as you are without the need for constant comparisons. Remember, it’s okay to take your guard down once in a while. Everyone needs a moment to be themselves, away from the judgements of the world and from those that don’t want to navigate around our limitations. A place to be authentic.

Authenticity is about being true to who you are. It’s about embracing your strengths, accepting your weaknesses, and living in alignment with your values. As Oscar Wilde famously said, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” This quote sums up the essence of authenticity. It reminds me that our authenticity truly defines us.

As we navigate through life, let’s strive not only to understand the struggles that we face but also to appreciate the unique individual that we are. I challenge you to shift your thoughts to focus on what you do have rather than what you don’t. I think you’ll be surprised at the strength that rises up in you.

Real life with multiple sclerosis

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As a kid people would ask me, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” My answer would change often, but I would mostly respond with Teacher, Scientist, Minister or Musician. Never once did I even think of saying I want to be a disabled person living with a chronic illness. That was never even a thought.

But now, after multiple sclerosis has come around, life is different. I’m no longer the invincible, untouchable kid I once was. I grew up and life became real.

You may see pictures of me smiling, but the truth is my nights are also spent crying. That’s right, MS isn’t the smiling face you see in those brochures or the victorious athlete crossing the finish line in those advertisements. It’s everyday people like you and me facing weakness, cognitive difficulties, bladder problems, tremors and numb body parts.

  • I want the truth about MS to be seen by the world.
  • I want to hear about people with MS that are facing hell, yet making it.
  • I want to see the daily struggle MSers experience.
  • I want to know about the problems, the large and the small.
  • I want to meet the courageous, the brave, the unstoppable, the true warriors.
  • I want to hear how lives are being lived in spite of a horrible disease.
  • I want the world to know about the sleepless nights MSers face.
  • I want to hear about the embarrassing moments that are endured.
  • I want to know of the emotional chaos MSers go through every single day.

That’s real life with MS.

The world doesn’t need any more brochures covered in rainbows and smiles. Sure, we smile and enjoy life in spite of our disease, but there is a lot hidden behind our smiles that the world needs to know about.

To the advertisers, the drug companies, and the TV producers: Don’t cover up our struggle. We’ve been through too much, come through hell too many times, to have our battle scars hidden away just to make a few people more comfortable with the effects of MS. We aren’t comfortable so they shouldn’t be either.

To the doctors and nurses: remember that MS isn’t easy. That the things you say, the way you help, the care you give really does matter. That just a simple “I’m here to help you any way I can” matters. That listening to our tear filled emotional breakdown really does help. That even though you may feel helpless in coming up with a solution to ease our pain in the short time you see us, we face those same fears and feelings every moment of every day. Please be patient with us, your patients. Sometimes you are the only ones we talk to about what we are going through.

In a perfect world, MS wouldn’t exist. There would be no pain, fears, difficulties or struggles. But we live in a world filled with brokenness. It’s okay to cry, fall apart and actually feel afraid. That’s part of being human. That’s a part of living.

You are a warrior that may be weary in the fight, but even on your worst days you are still fighting. Never doubt, even for a minute, that you are special. You are amazingly special and incredibly important. Hold your head high today. You got this!

Dare to Be
When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully.
When there is darkness, dare to be the first to shine a light.
When there is injustice, dare to be the first to condemn it.
When something seems difficult, dare to do it anyway.
When life seems to beat you down, dare to fight back.
When there seems to be no hope, dare to find some.
When you’re feeling tired, dare to keep going.
When times are tough, dare to be tougher.
When love hurts you, dare to love again.
When someone is hurting, dare to help them heal.
When another is lost, dare to help them find the way.
When a friend falls, dare to be the first to extend a hand.
When you cross paths with another, dare to make them smile.
When you feel great, dare to help someone else feel great too.
When the day has ended, dare to feel as you’ve done your best.
Dare to be the best you can –
At all times, Dare to be!
― Steve Maraboli

Creating a balanced MS Life

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I’ve always heard that balance in life is essential. I have a feeling the person who originally penned that thought didn’t have multiple sclerosis. I can no more balance my body on a flat surface than my life on a daily basis. I can’t even balance my check book due to the financial strain of living with a chronic illness. A balanced life with MS sounds more like an oxymoron than a reality.

How do you balance a life that is constantly changing and where the unexpected is more expected than the chance of rain in today’s weather forecast? Each day with MS is an irregular experience filled with obstacles and booby traps. How do you balance a life like that?

I gave up trying to plan my day in advance. Before MS, I was an organized, planned individual with my day planner in hand everywhere I went and a memory like an elephant. I remembered birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and special occasions. I could remember anything I read, heard or saw. I even earned the nickname “Human Google” and was the go-to person when someone had a question.

Now, I have a hard time remembering what day it is, what I did yesterday and what the name of the main characters are in ‘Friends’. I burn pizza in the oven, lose my way driving to the grocery store and forget to wash the shampoo out of my hair while I’m in the shower. You have no idea how many times I have gotten out of the shower, dried myself off, then realized my hair was still sudsy. Even my no-fail plans to remember things don’t help me remember. I lose post-it notes, forget to set alarms and can’t comprehend my own text messages to myself.

It would be wonderful to know what a day will be like: to plan and be able to keep those plans, to go to parties without leaving early, to spend time with friends without falling asleep on them, to spring clean the house without regretting it later, or even to wash and detail the car without dropping the wash rag every few minutes.

Even though I have trouble doing some of the simplest of things in life, I try to do them anyway…and that’s what counts. I try to do as much as I can when I can and leave the rest to tomorrow.

Because of MS, I have learned that balance has nothing to do with ensuring equal time with work, fun, and family. It’s not about pleasing others or how much I can get done in a day. It’s about going with the flow and doing those things that are important to my wellness. Sometimes that means I spend the day focused on my own needs instead of work, family or fun. Sometimes that means I can mix it all up. But the important thing is to never give up when the unexpected happens.

It’s okay to end your day differently than you expected, leaving things still to be done. Don’t get frustrated because your house needs to be vacuumed and you don’t have the energy to do it at the moment. I don’t know of anyone with an un-vacuumed house that has stopped the world from existing thus ending civilization as we know it. Your day will go on and the vacuuming can wait for another day. The same goes for laundry.

Choose the important things in life to be your focus rather than the things of little importance. I’ve learned that many of the things that I thought were important really weren’t. Use your time wisely and know that YOU are what’s important, not what you can or cannot do.

And never forget, even the greatest gymnast in the world falls off the balance beam from time to time so don’t stress out when your emotions get the best of you and you become overwhelmed with everything happening around you. Just take a deep breath, get back up and keep trying. Don’t hold onto the stress that comes with all the daily unexpected moments. Instead, hold onto the smiles you find in the moment and keep going. You got this!

MS is a disease of change

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Have you ever needed to talk to someone yet you were scared stiff to do it because deep down you knew it was not going to go well? To prepare yourself, you planned out what you were going to say. You chose your words wisely and sounded so eloquent in your head. You even planned out their response. Everything seemed perfect.

When the time came, you sat down with them only to realize that things weren’t going as planned. They didn’t follow the script you laid out in your head. We’ve all had those moments. In most cases we can look back at those times and smile because, in the end, things worked out just not the way we thought they would.

Life has a way of doing that. It doesn’t go as planned no matter how hard we try to force it to. And sometimes we try really hard.

Before multiple sclerosis, I had my life all planned out. My career was set. My goals were laid out. I was going places and doing things. Then MS came along and changed everything around.

I think about it kind of like this…

There’s a comfort knowing that I can park my car in a certain spot every day; that if I open the top drawer in my bathroom cabinet I will find the toothpaste neatly tucked away; that when I go to the grocery store the tomatoes are to the right and the napkins are to the left.

But what would happen if I pulled into my driveway and couldn’t get into the garage because the garage door wouldn’t open; or I opened the drawer in the bathroom cabinet and the toothpaste exploded splattering all over my new dress; or if the grocery store decided to move everything around and change the entire floor plan?

What would happen? Frustrations would be high and schedules would get delayed. Now if those things were to happen all at once and then change every single day into the future, well that’s a life with MS and not something you ever get used to.

MS is a disease of change and that much unexpected change can be hard.

When things don’t happen the way you think they should, don’t let that ruin your day. When change is the only thing constant in your life, don’t allow frustration to rule the day.

MS has this way of switching things up on you without warning. Because of that, it’s important to sort through everything going on and choose to focus on the things that really matter in life.

Focus on family, friends, your faith, things that give you peace and happiness, and leave behind everything else that really, in the long run, doesn’t matter. Live in the moment. This way, when change comes (because we all know it will), you will be able to move right through it and keep going.

I know what it’s like to be chronically tired

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At the end of an exhausting day yesterday, I collapsed into my bed and tried to sleep. You know, that thing where you curl up, close your eyes, snore and drool? Unfortunately, it didn’t work out for me last night.

I spent the entire time awake through the yawns. I even tried counting sheep but they were no help. I think they actually went to sleep without me because at some point in the night I ran out of sheep to count. Now, here I am still awake at 5:30 AM watching the sun come up and wondering how I’m going to get through my already exhausting day.

Just so you know…

  • I know what it’s like to lie down in the bed at the end of the day only to watch the clock as the minutes tick by with each passing hour.
  • I know about those moments you ‘re about to drift off to sleep when your brain suddenly gets this weird burst of energy and decides to wake up and ponder everything ponderable.
  • I know the feeling of frustration and discouragement when MS seems to be winning the battle with sleep as muscle spasms, tremors and pain relentlessly pulse through your body.
  • I know what it’s like to not be able to sleep even with medications and supplements promoted to help you sleep.
  • I know what it’s like to drag yourself out of bed in the morning so exhausted, and with your muscles so tight, that you can’t move gracefully…or even at all.
  • I know how it feels to stumble into the kitchen to start your day when your entire body feels like you woke up with a hangover times ten.
  • I know how hard it is to put a smile on your face when you at greeted by a cheery “good morning” from your spouse, child or hungry dog.
  • I know what it’s like to think to yourself day in and day out, “If only I could sleep through the night, life would be so much better.”

I know what it’s like to be chronically tired.

I can’t promise you that you will ever feel completely rested when you get out of bed each morning even if you’ve slept through the night, but I can promise you that you will make it through your exhausting day… eventually, minute by minute, step by step.

Hang in there today. You’re doing great, even if you are too tired to see it. Living with multiple sclerosis is truly exhausting but you will make it through your day. Even though you don’t believe it, you will be stronger for it.

Welcome the day and hang in there moving little by little until you’re able to push through the pain, tremors, muscle weakness and even the negative thoughts that have a tendency to show up out of nowhere. It’s going to be a good day. Cheer up. I just know it.

How I do it… living with multiple sclerosis

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When people ask me how I do it, how I get through my day living with multiple sclerosis? I’m not really sure how to respond. The best answer I have been able to come up with is, “I just do it.” I know that’s not a deeply profound response and Nike already has rights to the saying, but the question is not really something that can be answered.

MS invaded my life without my permission. It simply moved in and took over. It’s not something I can simply choose to no longer have around. If only it were that simple. To just say to MS, “Get lost.” Wouldn’t that be incredible? Only I would use some rather different words that might offend some people and would be sure to have a battle axe and a few hand grenades along with me too.

Since I can’t force MS out of my life, I have to learn to live with it. There’s no other choice. I can try ignoring it, but ignoring something screaming in my ear and chiseling away at my insides isn’t possible.

From the outside my invisible struggle doesn’t seem so bad to people. It actually looks quite easy. But if you could look inside my body and truly see what I am dealing with every day…Oh, my, what a different story you would have to tell.

If there was a picture window into my life, people would see that my Central Nervous System (CNS) looks much like the chaos after a storm has blown through town tearing up everything in sight. Some areas in my CNS have been damaged, others completely destroyed. The foundation is still there, but the pipes have burst and the electricity is out.

After a storm people work tirelessly to patch things up as best they can to try and get their house back working, but it will never be the same. There will always be remnants of the storm that came through and never a guarantee that another one won’t blow through again.

Today, I live in a pieced together body with duct taped wires, glued together pipes and heavily caulked walls. Things still leak, wires still get crossed and new storms still show up, but I “just do it.”

Elizabeth Taylor, who struggled daily due to lifelong chronic back pain, said it oh so well…“You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and [gosh darn it], you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about your business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.”

Not being able to communicate can be frustrating

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I lose words more than I lose my car keys…and they’re harder to find too. I think conversations with me are more like a game of charades than actual conversations. I’m sure it frustrates those I’m talking too as they try guessing the word I’m fumbling around in search of. It can become quite comical too as I point, make hand motions and slap my leg in an attempt to help the process along.

ME: Can you hand me…? [as I point across the room]

FRIEND: Uhhh…a pen? A glass of water?

ME: No [as I tap my thumb to my finger in a pinching motion unable to even describe what I’m trying to say. I sit in silence making hand gestures in hopes it resonates with her.]

FRIEND: Nail clippers? Scissors? Paperclip?

Minutes pass and all I’m trying to say is “Can you hand me the TV remote?” Simple, right?

Not being able to communicate can be frustrating. I do much better in writing. There’s nothing worse than trying to get your point across or share a meaningful moment with someone while losing the thought you were trying to share. Sometimes my attempt in describing a word takes so long that I actually forget the thought I had in the first place. It takes skill to keep me on topic. A skill I’m not always very good at.

Yesterday, I could tell my words were getting stuck and mixed up more than usual. When that happens, I have a tendency to not speak as much. I just don’t want to frustrate people… or myself.

You know how people say to pick and choose the arguments you get in. Well, I pick and choose each conversation I have as well. So if I choose to share a thought with you, it’s going to mean something because I chose to break out of my silence in order to chance a good flow of words.

I have noticed that the more frustrated I get, the more my words get stuck. The trick for me is to stay calm and not allow my mind to wander. That may mean I talk slower, talk more direct, or use shorter sentences. But that’s just my way of coping and working with my disability. It keeps me from getting overwhelmed. I say what I have to say and move on.

When you find yourself getting lost in a world of words, know that it’s okay. You’re not going crazy and you definitely aren’t alone. There’s an entire population of us hand gesture, charade playing, word searching MSers out there. Take a deep breath and have some fun as you turn your conversations into a game of Guess What I’m Saying. Laughing always makes things better.

Be a butterfly soaring in the wind

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Do you ever feel weird? Like you are not normal…if there is such a thing? I know I sure do. I tend to think differently than most people. I find humor in just about everything. If you hung out with me, you would find me laughing at dropping my plate full of food on my lap, joking about falling over while sitting to put on my socks, and giggling because I lost my keys for the hundred-millionth time.

At one time I lived life like a caterpillar. The only thing I could see day in and day out was the leaf I was sitting on. My world was small and limited due to multiple sclerosis and I couldn’t see very far. My life was surrounded by troubles that I couldn’t fix and neither could the doctors. I felt helpless and hopeless. Getting around in a powerchair had limited me more than I imagined it would.

But then a transformation happened. It took time and lots of work to shift my focus from my own struggles, but I grew the most amazing and beautiful wings. They changed my life. They lifted me up above my own troubles and helped as I spread my newly found wings as I flew above my circumstances.

I found the world to be much bigger than I had ever imagined. I saw not just my diagnosis with MS, but thousands upon thousands of others just like me getting through the struggle. There were trees and flowers and oceans and mountains. My disability was no longer my focus. There was an entire world to explore and there were people to help.

The other caterpillars on the leaf I started out on didn’t like that I changed. They wanted me to stay a caterpillar but once you find your wings, you can’t go back. I discovered that I liked being weird. I liked the beautiful butterfly I had become. I liked bringing sunshine and smiles to others around the world.

Much like the caterpillar, many times we get stuck in our troubles and struggles and only see life from a small place. We perch on our leaf and see only our pain, frustrations, difficulties and troubles. We convince ourselves that we are comfortable where we are not realizing that there’s so much more to living.

It’s time to become the beautiful butterfly that you are; to spread your wings and fly into the wind; to see life from a place above multiple sclerosis, financial difficulties, relationship problems, pain, and stress on the job. I’m not saying to pretend those things don’t exist, just let your focus shift to find the good around you, even in a chronic disease.

Can you think of one good thing that has happened in your life because of MS? I know you would have no problem coming up with pages of bad, but name something good. For me I would have to say simplifying my life by weeding out the work and people that I didn’t need around me became a good thing. The process was tough, but in the end I found I am much happier because of it. Also, I gained new friendships with people that I never would have met before.

I’m able to spend more time developing my artistic skills through painting and writing even when tremors and fatigue get in the way, and I no longer have to wake up before the sun to the buzzing of an alarm clock. Because of MS I don’t have a need to wake up with an alarm clock since I’m already up before the sun. My alarms are now needed for reminders to not forget something, not morning wakeup calls.

Be thankful for the good. As you do, you will begin to see more and more good around you, and before you know it you are no longer seeing life from the perspective of a tiny leaf, but from the wings of a butterfly soaring in the wind. Be that butterfly!