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Comparing yourself to others is a losing battle

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Either way you look at it, comparisons tend to be bad for us. They are bothersome at the very least. From birth our parents start comparing us with other children. Simultaneously, our teachers and coaches compare us with other children. We compare everything and anything these days. We compare our incomes, our houses, cars, children, and yes even our illnesses. In doing so, even if we feel we win in comparison, WE LOSE!

Just as we are all unique and cannot be compared, it is the same with illnesses. There is NO illness worse than another. ALL illness is terrible. When a person compares someone who has multiple sclerosis with someone that has another illness, they are speaking from a lack of understanding and through filtered lenses. No one can know what someone is experiencing unless they crawled into that person’s body to feel what they feel, and experience what they experience.

One of the most awful experiences is when you share your illness with someone and they proceed to tell you how their approach to MS or some other ailment is the only way you should be living? That you need to adjust your diet and get rid of meat, diet soda, and gluten. That because you aren’t living like they say, you are doing it all wrong? That if you only _____ (fill in the blank) you would feel better?

It can get extremely frustrating when someone assumes they know your body and your journey better than you do. Comparing illnesses or even progressions of the same illness between two different people never works out. When someone does the comparing like that, they have fallen victim to comparisons.

The problem with focusing on other people’s achievements is that you will never measure up. It can make you dissatisfied with your own daily activities and even gives you less strength to keep working towards greater things. Comparison is a thief of joy.

Instead of seeing how you measure up to another person, analyze yourself and ask yourself how well you are doing with the things you need to be doing for yourself. The only one we should ever compare ourselves to is ourselves…

Stay focused on your goals and what you want for life. There is only one of YOU in this world, don’t waste time comparing yourself to others. Instead, make your life count. Striving to live a life that is authentic to your own personal goals.

In the process, don’t get caught up in the envy of another person’s successes or goals attained. Envy is the emotion that you experience when someone else has or does something that you wish you could have or do. If another person gets positive results from a medication or a treatment that you wanted, it is natural to feel a jealous twinge. Instead, consider sending a note of congratulations and enjoying their success.

Focusing on gratitude helps, because much of what you’re grateful for involves the people around you… individuals who have looked out for you, mentored you, and cared for you when you were are your worst. That makes gratitude a wonderful antidote to negative comparisons. It reminds you that there are a lot of people around you who are contributing to your success and who love you.

You are loved for who you are. Don’t you ever forget that.

I’m a nobody

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I’m a nobody. I’m just a gal with a laptop, a blog, an X account and a Facebook account. Nothing special.

I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2013 and went about looking for information about MS, the drugs used to help, and healthcare in general. Some of the things I learned were great, some not so much, but all of it beneficial.

One thing that truly annoyed me was when I would visit support groups at that time I always left feeling worse than when I had arrived. Most groups were just woe-is-me sessions and left me with an icky heaviness inside. So my remedy was to never go back to them.

Can’t people talk about MS and still laugh and enjoy themselves without all the woe-is-me attitudes? I found few resources for positive encouragement at that time. A place to laugh, to cry, to share, to just feel normal in the midst of a life of chaos. That’s when I decided to start something myself, thus the birth of Positive Living with MS. I don’t make any money posting things online I just gain great new connections with people all around the world and learn a lot of cool things from them.

In addition to that…

I will use whatever reach I have to talk about multiple sclerosis: the good, the bad and the ugly. Some with humor, some with tears, but all with a matter-of-fact straight talk. I don’t sugar coat things to make others feel comfortable about the topic I’m discussing. I just tell it like it is from my perspective. If that’s not something you like, then I hope you find some other blog or page that helps you out better than mine. No feelings hurt here.

I love making my humorous meme’s and sharing my daily nonsense posts on social media. Some are received well, some with groans and others with huh? moments. But at least they get people talking and thinking. And on my blog I try to post once a week to talk about my own experiences with MS. I’m glad to be able to share my journey with you. One of my favorite posts is MS Facts. Beware… there’s humor in there to talk about all the symptoms we deal with.

If you want to help me pay the bill to cover my hosting and blog costs you can donate online here:

DONATE HERE >

Any financial help is always a welcomed blessing for me as I no longer work due to the progression of MS in my body. I have trouble cognitively as well as with uncontrollable tremors and weakness.

I only have my social security benefits to cover my living costs and squeeze out all I can to pay for the website. I used to be a web developer and graphic designer so my skills came in handy to build the site and keep it running.

Each year around this time I let everyone know that in a few months the bill will be due. Any amount given will be used to cover the costs. This year the total is $600. The price went up about $50 from last year, but I’m determine to raise enough to cover all the costs with your help. Thank you in advance for your support. And happy thanksgiving to you as well.

———-

I’m Nobody! Who are you?
Are you – Nobody – too?
Then there’s a pair of us!
Don’t tell! they’d advertise – you know!

How dreary – to be – Somebody!
How public – like a Frog –
To tell one’s name – the livelong June –
To an admiring Bog!
– Emily Dickinson

 

Today I choose to focus on the positive

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I woke up early this morning… a usual for me. I do good if I get 4 hours of sleep each night. Between pain management and muscle spasms, I end up tossing and turning more than actually sleeping.

This morning I was feeling a bit down so I decided I would get dressed and head over to the local coffee shop. It always brightens my morning sitting in the shop listening to the hustle and bustle of the workers making drinks and serving people. Between the hissing and spewing of the machines, the wonderful smells of fresh roasted coffee beans, the chatter of the customers, and the rustling of chairs across the floor, it is oddly a great way to begin my day.

When you sit in public like this, you get the chance to listen in on all kinds of conversations. It’s not eaves dropping. When someone is talking loudly, you have all rights to listen in… besides, it’s not like you have any other options.

So far this morning, most of the conversations I have heard have been negatively focused. I have heard about a tyrant boss, a neighbors incessantly barking dog, many political woes, and relationship problems. Have you noticed the world has a negative slant on just about everything? Turn on the news if you don’t believe me. Almost all of it is bad.

In a world where violence, injustice, and despair seem to be everywhere, it becomes easier to expect bad outcomes rather than good ones. Sadly we hear so much negative talk throughout our day, it’s no wonder we find ourselves following suit.

So today… today, I am choosing to find positive things to focus on and remain hopeful that better days are coming. For one, I woke up this morning. Yeah! That’s amazing already. Now add to that the barista at the coffee shop knows my name and had my drink ready for me when she saw me coming. That’s pretty awesome too if you ask me. So that’s already two wonderful things this morning that I can talk about.

Then there’s the fact that I get to see the sunrise since I got up so early, I get to meet new people, give away a smile to someone needing a bit of cheeriness to begin their day, and of course enjoy a hot cup of coffee to begin mine. All those things make my heart happy.

I could focus on the vertigo and blurred vision I’m fighting through as I type this, the pain in my legs and feet that never seems to stop, and the tremor in my right hand that’s making it hard for me to type or even hold a cup of coffee, but what good will that do?

Here’s how you focus on the good…

1. Practice gratitude
Identify things to be grateful for.

2. See the good in others
Seeking the good in others broadens your perspective to understand those who may not necessarily share the same views or values.

3. Surround yourself with positive people
Studies find that those who surround themselves with happy people are more likely to be happy themselves.

4. Seek out good news and stories
Consuming uplifting content is a good antidote to all the negative events happening around you or directly to you.

5. Recognize your good qualities
Commend yourself for your good deeds and acts of kindness no matter how small.

6. Live in the present
Our dwelling on past painful experiences and our anxieties about the future often get in the way of focusing on living in the present.

There’s always something good to find in your day, you just have to choose to find it. Instead of pointing out all the bad things happening around you, find something that shines a light through the darkness. Even with the chaos that surrounds you there is something good in your day today. What are the good things surrounding you?

 

Living stress less with MS

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I can sit and watch it rain for hours. There’s something therapeutic about it. The steady rhythm and the sound of flowing water is soothing. As a kid I would watch the drops of water on a small section of the car windows and would try to find the fastest raindrop as we drove down the road. I would challenge my brothers and sister to pick one and we would make it a contest. Which drop would move fastest to a specific location. It made traveling fun.

I also like watching fish swimming around in a tank, in a lake or in a bowl. There have been studies on the health benefits of fish watching. I’m not sure if I can say the same for raindrop chasing, but I would imagine it’s the same. Fish watching has been found to relieve stress and anxiety, calm the mind, lower blood pressure, help to reduce the effects of chronic pain, and even enhance a person’s ability to focus…all things that someone living with multiple sclerosis would greatly benefit from.

If your day today is filled with a long list of to-do’s, demands from your boss, needs from your family, piles of work that simply can’t be put off one more day, take a little bit of time to watch some fish. If you don’t have your own fish tank at home, load a video from the internet of a fish tank or even of rain falling that includes soothing sounds.

I actually had a Betta fish named Blueberry once that had an amazing personality. He was a beautiful blue color with a few red stripes in the fins. I loved watching him fan his fins, play hide-n-seek in his tiny cave and swim around the tank as he proudly displayed his colors. Even watching him eat was entertaining. Sometimes he would spit his food out and then go chasing after it to gobble it up. He always gave me a giggle.

Maybe instead of fish, you are more of a dog or cat person. There’s something just as calming about them cuddling up with you as you scratch between their ears and rub their belly. It could be that you prefer caring for horses or maybe even birds, reptiles, or hamsters. It seems all animals have the potential of making great companions, being amazing “friends” and helping in relieving stress.

I would have a zoo if I had the room for it. Does that mean I live a stress free life all the time? No, but it does make life much more enjoyable and entertaining…that’s for sure. And who does’t need some entertainment from time to time is this crazy mixed up world?

This morning, my entertainment was watching an ant trying to lug a broken cracker on top of its head. That was my view as I drank my morning coffee. I’ve even already laughed a few times in the process. Each time the cracker would slip off its head and he would attempt to pick it up again. It seemed more like watching an I Love Lucy episode. Laughter is therapeutic anyway so I’ve already had a good day.

MS is a disease of change

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Have you ever needed to talk to someone yet you were scared stiff to do it because deep down you knew it was not going to go well? To prepare yourself, you planned out what you were going to say. You chose your words wisely and sounded so eloquent in your head. You even planned out their response. Everything seemed perfect.

When the time came, you sat down with them only to realize that things weren’t going as planned. They didn’t follow the script you laid out in your head. We’ve all had those moments. In most cases we can look back at those times and smile because, in the end, things worked out just not the way we thought they would.

Life has a way of doing that. It doesn’t go as planned no matter how hard we try to force it to. And sometimes we try really hard.

Before multiple sclerosis, I had my life all planned out. My career was set. My goals were laid out. I was going places and doing things. Then MS came along and changed everything around.

I think about it kind of like this…

There’s a comfort knowing that I can park my car in a certain spot every day; that if I open the top drawer in my bathroom cabinet I will find the toothpaste neatly tucked away; that when I go to the grocery store the tomatoes are to the right and the napkins are to the left.

But what would happen if I pulled into my driveway and couldn’t get into the garage because the garage door wouldn’t open; or I opened the drawer in the bathroom cabinet and the toothpaste exploded splattering all over my new dress; or if the grocery store decided to move everything around and change the entire floor plan?

What would happen? Frustrations would be high and schedules would get delayed. Now if those things were to happen all at once and then change every single day into the future, well that’s a life with MS and not something you ever get used to.

MS is a disease of change and that much unexpected change can be hard.

When things don’t happen the way you think they should, don’t let that ruin your day. When change is the only thing constant in your life, don’t allow frustration to rule the day.

MS has this way of switching things up on you without warning. Because of that, it’s important to sort through everything going on and choose to focus on the things that really matter in life.

Focus on family, friends, your faith, things that give you peace and happiness, and leave behind everything else that really, in the long run, doesn’t matter. Live in the moment. This way, when change comes (because we all know it will), you will be able to move right through it and keep going.

Be a butterfly soaring in the wind

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Do you ever feel weird? Like you are not normal…if there is such a thing? I know I sure do. I tend to think differently than most people. I find humor in just about everything. If you hung out with me, you would find me laughing at dropping my plate full of food on my lap, joking about falling over while sitting to put on my socks, and giggling because I lost my keys for the hundred-millionth time.

At one time I lived life like a caterpillar. The only thing I could see day in and day out was the leaf I was sitting on. My world was small and limited due to multiple sclerosis and I couldn’t see very far. My life was surrounded by troubles that I couldn’t fix and neither could the doctors. I felt helpless and hopeless. Getting around in a powerchair had limited me more than I imagined it would.

But then a transformation happened. It took time and lots of work to shift my focus from my own struggles, but I grew the most amazing and beautiful wings. They changed my life. They lifted me up above my own troubles and helped as I spread my newly found wings as I flew above my circumstances.

I found the world to be much bigger than I had ever imagined. I saw not just my diagnosis with MS, but thousands upon thousands of others just like me getting through the struggle. There were trees and flowers and oceans and mountains. My disability was no longer my focus. There was an entire world to explore and there were people to help.

The other caterpillars on the leaf I started out on didn’t like that I changed. They wanted me to stay a caterpillar but once you find your wings, you can’t go back. I discovered that I liked being weird. I liked the beautiful butterfly I had become. I liked bringing sunshine and smiles to others around the world.

Much like the caterpillar, many times we get stuck in our troubles and struggles and only see life from a small place. We perch on our leaf and see only our pain, frustrations, difficulties and troubles. We convince ourselves that we are comfortable where we are not realizing that there’s so much more to living.

It’s time to become the beautiful butterfly that you are; to spread your wings and fly into the wind; to see life from a place above multiple sclerosis, financial difficulties, relationship problems, pain, and stress on the job. I’m not saying to pretend those things don’t exist, just let your focus shift to find the good around you, even in a chronic disease.

Can you think of one good thing that has happened in your life because of MS? I know you would have no problem coming up with pages of bad, but name something good. For me I would have to say simplifying my life by weeding out the work and people that I didn’t need around me became a good thing. The process was tough, but in the end I found I am much happier because of it. Also, I gained new friendships with people that I never would have met before.

I’m able to spend more time developing my artistic skills through painting and writing even when tremors and fatigue get in the way, and I no longer have to wake up before the sun to the buzzing of an alarm clock. Because of MS I don’t have a need to wake up with an alarm clock since I’m already up before the sun. My alarms are now needed for reminders to not forget something, not morning wakeup calls.

Be thankful for the good. As you do, you will begin to see more and more good around you, and before you know it you are no longer seeing life from the perspective of a tiny leaf, but from the wings of a butterfly soaring in the wind. Be that butterfly!

The choice is yours

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When I got up this morning I saw that I had put the clothes out that I wanted to wear. I stopped for a moment and thought, why did I do that? Then I remembered I have an appointment today to get the oil changed in my van. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve missed appointments by not setting my clothes out. But even in doing that, it’s still possible I may miss the appointment. Such is the vicious cycle of my brain trying to be normal in a chaotic world of screwed up nerves.

I have to go to the car dealer to get my oil changed because most establishments get a bit nervous knowing that there is no drivers seat for them to sit on to pull the van in to the shop so they can do the work. I know the dealer just places a bucket or a folding chair down to sit on so they can drive. They have no problems doing that. Maybe the others think the workers may get into a wreck driving the few yards needed to do the work.

My van is set up to use hand controls for a powerchair (wheelchair) driver. All the pedals still work for a normal driver if I place the real seat back in, but then I couldn’t drive myself to the appointment which makes no sense to me. I’m trying to be independent. That would be the opposite. I know I will have to pay more for the work but that’s better than not getting it done at all.

I have noticed that at times I have to compromise my choices in order to remain independent and that’s not always bad. Sometimes different choices are worth selecting. Sometime they make life better. Sometimes they are difficult to navigate. Sometimes they are worth the wait.

When was the last time you struggled with a choice? Maybe it was this morning, when you decided to hit the snooze button—again. Perhaps it was when you left your closet in a shambles after trying on seven different outfits before an outing. Maybe it was at the doctor’s office looking over different multiple sclerosis treatment options. Or maybe it was last night when you contemplated your employment choices or lack thereof.

Often, making a decision—even a seemingly simple one—can be difficult. We are all different and live unique lives, so there isn’t a “one size fits all” approach to independence. Weigh the options, look over the possibilities, and choose. Make each choice with courage, confidence, and determination to take on the journey, regardless of how difficult it might be.

Chocolate… is it good for multiple sclerosis?

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It’s been known for years that flavonoids in cocoa help fight fatigue. These chemicals possess anti-inflammatory properties that may be especially beneficial for people with multiple sclerosis. I know that may sound strange to you, but cocoa (chocolate) has been studied for just that purpose. Amazingly enough case studies show that eating cocoa does just that.

Let’s face it, no matter how you enjoy it — as a candy bar, in a hot drink, drizzled over ice cream — chocolate brings joy. It’s a wonderful flavorful treat. Now, I’m not talking about melt in your mouth milk chocolate, but dark chocolate is what has most of the health benefit for our bodies. Dark chocolate has between 50% and 90% cocoa solids. The higher percentage the better.

I don’t know if it’s because dark chocolate has a slight bitter taste or because you need to ingest it slowly to actually enjoy it, but I happen to think it’s a great alternative to pharmaceuticals. I have always said that the day after a chocolate filled holiday is my favorite day because chocolate goes on sale. I don’t know if it will be on sale after Valentine’s Day this year as in times past, but any discount would be welcomed due to the high price of food around the world today.

Results showed in the cocoa study that participants experienced a 45 percent improvement in fatigue. In addition, the high-flavonoid group was able to walk farther than those in the low-flavonoid group during a six-minute walking test. They also reported less pain.

MS is a challenging disease, and it requires innovative approaches to find ways to prevent, diagnose, and treat it. Could chocolate make multiple sclerosis fatigue better? Only time will tell but I welcome the challenge.

With multiple sclerosis you can’t control your body

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When I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, I saw all the good happening in my life disappear as if a sinkhole opened up around me. Many of the things that I had planned was just washed away. As the days passed I saw my lifelong career finished, friendships lost, finances depleted, and any motivation I had to try and further my life began fading away.

It was replaced with an overwhelming amount of depression along with hopelessness, dread, and fear as my body stopped functioning due to loss of mobility, body tremors, numbness, urinary incontinence, pain, brain fog, relentless fatigue, vision difficulties, and speech problems. Whew, that’s more than I ever expected and it happens to change moment by moment. No day or hour is the same and new problems kept arising.

I didn’t see anything good happening in my life. As the days went by and my progression worsened, I was convinced my life was over.  Forget about that long list of problems and issues I now face, if you’re like me, if you don’t forget the symptoms you are experiencing you will forget how to pronounce them or what word to actually use to describe them.

But I have to say that regardless of MS, I found I can accomplish anything I set I mind to. I end up laughing at myself for my crazy brain fog moments and try my best to take each moment to pause and breathe.

I found that with hard work and determination I can do anything. I may do it differently than in the past but who cares what I look like or how it’s done. I sure don’t. MS has rid me of having to appear put together. I drool, fall down, drop things, and forget anything someone tells me, but all I can say is oh well and just keep going.

Like, I can deal with my blurred vision if I look through just my right eye and don’t try too hard to focus when in motion. That wouldn’t end well. Between blurred vision and loss of color clarity in one eye, every day is an adventure.

I can walk with parallel bars if I hold onto them even it’s only for 5 steps, but hey, it’s 5 steps… yeah! If only my world was surrounded by them and followed me with a chair to sit in every few steps I take, I would be able to go anywhere on foot. But I’m proud of my ability to function in my powerchair called an iLevel which gives me the ability to reach things that would normally be out of my reach affording me the opportunity to set up my kitchen and bathroom to use the upper cabinets without the hinderances I had before.

The numbness in my body has become something that doesn’t subside. Although it’s there constantly, it’s something I have be aware of due to possible injuries I may get with sharp objects and extreme temperatures. I have had my fair share of burning myself without realizing I’m touching something hot, so I deal with if mostly by not giving in to the frustrations that happen when I get a bit absent minded. I have had broken bones, burnt hands and deeply cut fingers all because of it, but they are my battle scars and I wear them proudly.

Now the tremors are one problem that is a bit more difficult to deal with. I had an issue just last night when I was heating up a bowl of noodles and in the process of placing the bowl on my lap, my right hand had a crazy spastic moment accompanied by tremors and the bowl went up and fell spilling everything on the floor as well as on me. Of course when those kinds of things happen I dread the clean up, but while cleaning up I just laugh at myself thinking, I knew that would happen… which of course I didn’t, but it has just become more possible than random and I again end up in laughter mixed with tears thinking “it could be worse”. Then I made a peanut butter sandwich.

When you are filled with anger and start questioning your existence. Wondering why MS happened in your life? Why you’re facing the challenges MS brings? I can tell you that you’re not a bad person. God doesn’t hate you. You are going to be okay. Really… you are.

With MS and all that it brings, you can live life to the fullest. Don’t dwell on the past. You can’t change anything that has happened to you and wishing that things were different doesn’t help anything. As you have probably noticed, with MS you can’t control anything including your body and what it will do next, but the lack of control forces you to look at what you do have and truly count your blessings.

The best thing of all, you can control your attitude. Having a positive attitude in a negative situation will strengthen you and give you the needed determination to go further than you thought. And do it with  gratitude. You can accomplish anything. I believe in you as we go forward (sideways) together.

What being brave feels like

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I know how hard it is to push through the murkiness and brain fog that surrounds you all because of multiple sclerosis. You don’t deserve the troubles it brings to your life. You didn’t cause it and you can’t seem to escape from its hold on you.

It’s almost like you are stuck in a pool of quicksand that feels more like concrete than murky water. At least with murky water you can move and keep you head above the water line. With concrete you just sink to the bottom like a rock.  I have had my fair share of bottom sinking moments. I have the bruises and broken bones to show for it.

At those moments all I know to do is cry. I don’t feel very brave when that happens. Do you know what makes me feel brave?

I feel brave when I stand up and don’t let people tell me who I am or am not.
I feel brave when I face the monster that has tried to destroy me even while shaking in my boots.
I feel brave when I hold someones hand so we can face this journey together.
I feel brave when I put on my socks without falling over.
I feel brave when I ask someone for help.
I feel brave when I tell someone to their face that I will not be treated in a certain way.
I feel brave when I stand my ground about the medications I will or won’t take.
I feel brave when I tell someone how much they mean to me.
I feel brave when I make it through a day with less battle scars than the day before.
I feel brave when I manage to get out of bed while my body is screaming at me to just go back to bed.
I feel brave when I use the toaster without jumping out of my skin when the toast pops up.
I feel brave when I know that MS can’t sink me.
I feel brave when I actually enjoy my alone time without feeling guilty.
I feel brave when I help someone else to be brave in the face of what they fear.

Keep fighting the good fight. Peace, love and lots of chocolate to you…