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Life is crazy right now

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Sometimes life grabs us, takes hold and shakes us hard. We are left with our head spinning and we are desperately trying to just hang on. At those times we wish life would give us a break.

Life is crazy for me right now. I can’t keep up with everything going on. I am on day 3 of steroids with 2 more days to go. I have noticed a bit of energy returning which I so need but it can’t come quick enough. I’m trying to be watchful of the foods I eat because steroids have a tendency to bulk the body up. I don’t want that. In those moments, I have learned to give myself grace. I know I won’t make perfect choices, but some forward motion is enough.

When I’m exhausted and struggling to get up in the morning, I may not spend my time in deep thought but I know I still need to care for my body to ensure I can care for those around me. I have to let go of the guilt and shame that comes along with it.

I may not be able to write every day and pour out my heart how I want to, but it is life-giving and important to me to share with you, to walk together. So I’m finding little slices of time to connect with you, usually between naps.

It’s completely acceptable for the laundry to go unfolded so I can spend a few precious moments with friends and family. It’s okay if I have to rely on eating out a bit more. I’m doing my best with what I have right now, but that doesn’t mean I need to spend hours and hours on Facebook or X.

Maybe you’re dealing with your own health issues that scares you with each passing moment. Maybe you’re swamped, unbearably busy at work, or dealing with intense financial stress. In this crazy season, hold yourself to a gracious standard of love. Let the little things go.

Whatever it is, focus on what matters and what is non-negotiable. That’s your baseline. Let everything else be drenched in grace and give yourself a break.

We’ll practice this together.

The multiple sclerosis storm you are in

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I went to bed with rain coming down and woke up to the same. It’s a rainy day out. I can hear the pitter patter of the drops as they hit the roof. It’s definitely going to be a wet kind of day, and I have a few appointments to go to so it looks like I will probably be getting wet in the process.

Yet even though it’s raining out, I know it’s not raining because of me. It’s not my fault the clouds are dumping water out and mucking up the day. There’s nothing I can do about it either. I can’t control the direction it sends me in or the troubles it leaves along the way.

It’s the same with living with multiple sclerosis. It sweeps into your life and attempts to take you out. You do all you can to tame it and make life manageable but it’s not easy. The destruction left behind can seem impossible to handle. You try to simply make it through your day. Life has become a moment by moment experience. Some moments are good, some bad and some are downright horrible. I want you to know that MS is not your fault. Just as with a storm, you do the best you can to stay safe and weather the storm.

I like to think of rain this way: “Rain makes me feel less alone. All rain is, is a cloud falling apart, and pouring its shattered pieces down on top of you. It makes me feel good to know I’m not the only thing that falls apart. It makes me feel better to know other things in nature can shatter.” (Lone Alaskan Gypsy)

Today you may feel like you are wading your way through a storm. Clouds are hanging over head and mucking up your day. It’s dark and rainy and there’s nothing you can do about it. You may be awaiting test results or facing a family crisis, you may be drowning in financial difficulties or surrounded by loneliness, your heart may be breaking or your mind may be filled with worries and there’s nothing you can do about it…except…

You can decide that no matter the rain or darkness, you are going to have a good day. It really is that simple. Storms come and storms go. No storm lasts forever. The storm you are in, it will end and the sun will come out again. Some storms are longer than others, but they all come to an end…every one.

You get to choose whether you will laugh or cry, sing or sigh, bend or break. You also get the amazing opportunity to dance in the rain and stomp through the puddles that get left behind. No matter what you are facing, you don’t have to go through it alone. Share your umbrella with someone else.

I can guarantee you that if you take a moment to peak out from under your umbrella, you will see someone else walking in the same direction you are without an umbrella. Lift yours up a little bit higher and offer to hold it for them too. Two walking together in the rain is better than one. You could even turn it into a party and see if more people could fit. It won’t make the storm pass quicker, but it will make the time more enjoyable as you support one another.

If you just so happen to be one of the umbrella-less people right now, you don’t have to keep getting poured on. Look up. You will see umbrellas everywhere that are willing to share. Reach out and ask for help. Sometimes that can be the hardest thing in the world to do, but in the end it keeps you from getting soaked. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed. It really is okay to ask for help. We all need each other.

Then after the storm has come and gone, get out there a jump in the puddles.

Change your struggles into something positive

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Multiple sclerosis just keeps happening to me and no amount of meds, sleep, CBD oil, meditation, chocolate or coffee seems to be able to stop it. I’ve even tried non-GMO, user friendly, vegan ones but no help. Don’t even get me started on using all the proven wives-tale wonders, conspiracy theory miracles and Dr. I-got-the-cure know it alls out there.

How can MS, something as simple as 2 letters, be so difficult? That’s beyond me. After all it’s just 2 letters in the alphabet. It’s not a sentence. But lately I would disagree. I’ve been put in solitary confinement, experienced sleep deprivation, dealt with torture by every ill acting nerve in my body and was even handed a restrictive diet of soft-foods-only due to a lack of muscle control. Ugh, what gives?!

That’s the crazy thing about MS. Whichever nerve it attacks is the cause of the problems for the body. If it attacks the legs… those are the ones hindered. If it attacks the eyes… yep, they have difficulties. If it attacks the bladder… troubles abound. Each person dealing with MS is different because with the trillions of nerves in the body it’s a crapshoot as to which one gets hit. Every day is a risky and unpredictable nerve venture inside the body.

True story, yesterday I wanted something cold to drink because it’s been getting hot here. I decided to make a smoothy because I had all the ingredients needed. Blending everything up makes it easier for my jaw muscles. For me, eating something as soft as a banana can actually be difficult.

I put everything in my blender to smash away, but once it made it look perfectly frapped I couldn’t twist the lid off. My hands were too weak. Weaker than my jaw was. It was so depressing that for a moment I leaned over the counter and a few tears fell. Why me? Ugh!

Then I took a deep breath, grabbed ahold of the lid and twisted for the upteenth time. Amazingly enough it came off. Thank goodness. I didn’t want a perfectly blended smoothy go bad.

I poured it into a glass, got comfortable in my chair and enjoyed a tasty drink. My jaw was really thankful everything was crushed up. It hit the spot…even with a few tears and several worn out muscles.

When I’m having a really bad day I remind myself that life is all in the choosing. Every day we are faced with decision. We may not be able to choose the struggle we are dealt, but we do get to choose how we will respond to it. BTW, tears are allowed.

In life, things happen around us and things happen to us, but how you choose to react to what’s going on is what really matters. Life is all about modifying, readjusting, and adapting in the struggle. Change your struggles into something positive. I know you can.

Taking the easy way

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I had a strange day the other day. I’ve been getting ready for a new living room set that I’m supper excited about. I purchased a blue sofa and love seat along with a beautiful glass top coffee table and matching end table. Most sofa sets are either grey, brown or beige so to find one that was a striking blue color called ink sold me on it. It’s a medium blue much like royal blue and it’s supper striking.

One of the pieces I’m excited to get is a motorized recliner which allows me to recline but also has a lift in the seat making it easier for me to get out of. It has a massage setting too and a way to plug my computer and phone in for charging. The greatest thing about it is that it’s made for someone over 6′ tall so it will be comfortable for me. No more having my feat hanging inches off the end of the foot rest.

I got a notice that the recliner had been delivered to my front door but when I looked, there was no box at my door. I let the company know that I didn’t received it so they issued a refund for me. I told them that I would be reordering the chair because my heart was set on having it.

Here’s the strange thing that happened. Yesterday someone came to my front door to tell me that they received a package that was mis-delivered to them with my name and address on it. They live streets away from me. The box says 1 on 2 for a recliner. Box 2 will arrive today. I’m excited. The company will have to make sense of the refund and the new order I’m wanting, but at least I won’t have to wait weeks for a chair to come. It’s already here. Somehow things worked out for me.

You know, I was thinking about all the things we use to help us live an easier life when a disability comes along making everything more complicated. A chair that helps lift you up…now that’s amazing to me. Funny thing is many items aren’t designed for the disabled. I’m always looking for items that help  make life easier. Not because I’m lazy but because everyone needs help even if they don’t say or think they do.

Am I trying to take the easy way out by using a chair that lifts me up to help me stand or transfer to my wheelchair? Since I can’t just stand up like a healthy person, the help saves me time, energy and at lots of tears, so yeah… I’m taking the easy way. Live in my body and let me know if it’s really the easy way. It’s actually quite complicated… never easy.

The way I see it is the more options I have at helping me to do something means hope and I need lots of hope living with MS. Having hope is having an expectation that something good will happen in the future or that something bad won’t happen. It won’t solve all of society’s problems but will bring you some added sunshine in the darkness.

I see a few rays of sunshine lighting you your day today. Don’t get too discouraged when you look around. There’s always hope. I’m believing for the best for your life today.