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Whether you win or lose, at least you know who you are

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I actually struggle with a daily life of multiple sclerosis and all the unpredictable circumstances that threaten to overwhelm me. Some days I struggle just to get out of bed in the morning. Many times I don’t feel like doing the things I know I need to do which means they don’t get done. Lately for one reason or another MS has been winning the struggle.

Like yesterday I kept putting off taking my trash out and now I’m too tired to even think about it. My motivation just jumped out the window and I don’t even have the strength to chase it down. Before I go to bed tonight I have to take it out because trash pick up is tomorrow morning. We’ll see how well that goes. I wish I had little helpers for days like this.

It’s been below freezing temperatures here so I think that has something to do with it. My muscles just don’t work well with freezing temperatures. They have a tendency to seize up and getting them moving takes lots of extra work. Sometimes work that my body can’t seem to find strength for.

Discouragement sets in and rising above the funk is terribly hard to handle. I hate when my emotions get out of whack like that. It happens more than people would believe. I can go from laughing to crying in one second flat.

When I think about the circumstances, people, and events happening around me they are all manageable when I take them in little bits at a time. I have to be cautious so I don’t get overwhelmed. MS hasn’t changed, life around me has. I need to stay focused on what’s important, I need to look out for myself and I need to not feel guilty or get upset when things don’t go as planned.

I know that’s not easy. It actually takes a lot of hard work, but work that’s worth it. Next time you feel drained or emotionally out of whack, remember that you have a choice. You can wrap yourself up in excuses and self-pity, or you can choose to reach out of yourself and find the strength you need to keep going and rise above your circumstances. You’ve got it within you to do this. I believe in you. If I can do this… so can you!

You’ve made it this far in life with multiple sclerosis

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You’ve made it this far in life living with multiple sclerosis, so what makes you think you will fall short of your goals now? Whether they are goals of being able to care for yourself, goals of using your muscles to get around without burdening others, or goals of hanging on to sanity in a crazy mixed up world.

You have had your fair share of those who delight in foreseeing problems in your life because of MS. Those who actually enjoy criticizing any failures you’ve dealt with regardless of the cause, and freely voicing their opinions while dwelling in the comfortable safety of theory, unbelief and inactivity.

Words, words, and more worthless words have been used against you along your journey. When will you finally decide to believe in the beauty of who you are? When will you choose to laugh at all those silly careless words that have been spoken against you and toss those words away… rising above the shadows that loom in the distance?

If it is safety you want, then you will do far better by removing any distractions or obstacles in your way so you can follow your heart. Has experience not taught you this. Besides, warriors like us have always seen safety in a different light than those who try to make a living out of exploiting the disabled. Yes, those people do exist.

Laugh at the threats that come your way. Laugh and get on with enjoying your life. I do. Follow your heart and follow your dreams… you have great ones to follow.

Listen to your body and don’t overdo it

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My favorite time of year is finally here. My lawn is getting greener and greener due to the rain we’ve been having. It is begging to be cut. I’m actually feeling good enough to run my riding mower and get out in the sun for my adventure of the day but it’s raining again this morning.

I can already tell it’s going to be easier to manage a riding mower without a suprapubic catheter urine bag to lug around. I’m really liking having a urostomy. I think it’s one of the best surgeries I’ve ever had. It’s so freeing for me. I can move about without concern of what’s coming with me. And the pain is finally over. Yippee.

Yesterday I pulled out my weed whacker to edge my driveway and sidewalk to get the grass under control. I was able to cut the time in half from what it took me last year. I moved about better. I use my old powerchair to ride around the property. I call it my powerlawnchair.

There are a lot of projects I want to get done this year but I know I need to be cautious and not try to tackle them all at once. I’m going to take them one at a time and give myself lots of breaks.

That’s the important part. Listen to your body and don’t overdo it. You know your body best. I have to remember to stop before it starts to scream at me. If it screams, I’m done for days and days.

My right side is still giving me difficulties due to increased weakness but I’ve gotten pretty good at doing everything left handed. Even when raking the lawn I actually rake it using my right shoulder and left hand. Odd combination but it works for me. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do… no matter how weird it may look.

One things for sure, you will always find me out in my yard doing something to beautify things. My next project is to replace the solar powered lights around my front entranceway. It always looks so nice all lit up at night. I bought some replacement ones last year all ready for me to get out and tackle the task.

I love living by myself even when days are hard. I love looking out my windows at all of nature that surrounds my house as the deer and bunny rabbits trapes around. I won’t stop loving life regardless of how hard things get or how impossible life becomes. I will always find something to make me smile!

Ready for surgery

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My bags are packed for a 6 day hospital stay. Not my choice of a resort stay but at least I will be taken care of while recovering from surgery on Monday morning. I have to be at the hospital at 8:00 AM, Feb 6th. Surgery will take about 2 1/2 hours. I will write to keep you updated while in the hospital. Don’t know what day I will post something but hopefully you will hear from my by the 7th.

I have to empty my bowels on Sunday starting at 2 PM. I have to down 4 litters of Gavilyte-G. Lemon flavored… and stay by the toilet so I won’t make a mess rushing to the bathroom. Ugh!

For those who don’t know my urologist has recommended the removal of my bladder and a stoma made with a part of my small intestines to empty my urine into a pouch on the outside of my stomach area. I won’t have any more stones to deal with. No more UTI’s. No catheters to change. Just a urine bag/pouch to change. It’s supposedly not be painful once healed. My urine will just be an open flow outside of my body. Kidneys will work the same. Just no bladder.

I’m a little nervous about it and hope I will heal quickly and learn quickly how to manage dealing with a urostomy bag. I’ve met with the nursing staff that will be teaching my after surgery how to manage everything. They are really nice and have already given me some products to play around with to get a little familiar with what I will be doing.

Keep me in your prayers. I will be doing the same for you. Hugs…

I’m fighting a monster called multiple sclerosis

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I have learned more about myself than I ever thought possible because of a monster called multiple sclerosis.

I’m braver now even though I didn’t know MS existed in my life until I was in my 40’s. I fought through mind numbing pain, muscle weakness and tears. I fought it daily with a sword in my hand while yelling, “Hiyah!”.

I’m stronger now because I had to be. My choice was fight or give up, but I’m not a quitter. That’s just not a part of my DNA. So fight, I did. I learned how to use a cane, then a walker and now a wheelchair. I learned what foods benefit my body the most and what supplements help me to cope.

I’m happier now because I’ve discovered what really matters most in life. It’s crazy how that happens. You face down a beast like MS and discover a strength that you didn’t even know you had and that many things in life aren’t really that important anymore. Hold onto true friends and family, and let the other things go. You don’t need the extra baggage. It will only weigh you down and hold you back.

I stand taller, figuratively, because I am a survivor. Yes, there will be struggles and pain. There will be times I may be fearful of tomorrow or even of the next step I need to take, but I will push to the end and give it I’ve got.

Remember, you are not alone in this fight. The great Rocky Balboa said, “The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.”

Come fight with me.