Multiple sclerosis doesn’t take a break for the holidays
Multiple sclerosis doesn’t take a break for the holidays. Oh, how I wish it did. I’ve already filled my refrigerator with tasty foods easy to prepare and have coffee ready to brew. My laundry is done for at least a week and the dishes are all cleaned I just need to put everything away in the cabinets. My Roomba is all set to clean the floors for me so everything seems to be going good… for now.
But I live in a world where the MS Monster is real no matter what’s taking place around me. My parents always told me there isn’t a scary monster hiding under my bed or in the closet, but I now live with one that follows me around every day and even growls at me from time to time. He’s an impatient bugger.
I think its main purpose is to instill fear in me… fear of the unknown, fear of increased disability, fear of being alone, fear of not having needed support. Such great amounts of fear that has the potential of growing and discouraging me from enjoying anything in life. The holidays aren’t as much fun as in the past. I do my best to find some joy even in the worst of times but it’s getting harder to find.
My family will be coming over which could be stressful, but I no longer get stressed trying to do too much. I actually don’t do much at all. I just work to keep the most needed things handy and have plenty of chocolate on hand for an emergency. Like Duct-tape, chocolate can fix anything.
I’m always ready for a battle. With MS I’m basically in a fight every moment of the day. I need to be strong and ready to fight.
I can’t stop myself from thinking about my former life. Was it real? I’m not sure. It’s so far away from my current reality. Sadly, my mind holds onto pieces of things that have long been erased. It has a tendency to bring on depression which can further weaken my health trying to convince me to give up.
I spent years convincing myself that monsters were only in my mind… that they weren’t real, but in this body I’m living with the MS Monster. I haven’t been able to shake him. I’ve worked hard to power through the fear. It’s not easy and comes with lots of lonely times. Most people don’t understand how painful and lonely it can get.
The best way to fight is to take it one day at a time. You are always taking care of everyone around you, but you need to focus on yourself right now. Stay positive and know that we are all cheering you on.
Never stop believing in your extraordinary inner strength. It has brought you this far and will guide you along the way. No matter what life has thrown at you in the past, you have survived it. You are so much stronger than you think. Keep on fighting and don’t give up.
I wish I could take this monster away from you. Remember that you are not alone in this fight. You are amazing.
1. Simplify your life.
I understand how we can feel as though our former lives were somehow unreal. I also can understand how every holiday has lost some luster.
I pray you are blessed with good memories of years past, but also that you are blessed with some good memories that will be made this Christmas.
Today’s post makes me want to give you a hug Penelope Not one of those performative hugs that you get from people you haven’t seen for a while – like since LAST year’s holiday season – but a really big & lasting hug for us both. If you need to be reminded that you really MATTER, just read your posts of the past year. I will. You help me know for sure that, even as this monster of a disease steals from my life, it’s possible to stay entirely myself. There’s joy & humour & love in this crazy new MS life too. I hope you have a joyful holiday season Penelope. You deserve it!!
Just seeing……no holidays are not the same (sigh) I too spent years convincing myself that monsters were only in my mind… only to find out that’s where our worst one is.
Just know you’re wished a Happy Holiday..
Many hugs and loves sent to my MS WARRIOR LEADER 🙂
You truly are the best in telling your stories to help us all 🙂
I cannot express how much you really help me 🙂
Merry Christmas and many hugs to you Penelope XOXOX you are awesome 🙂 🙂
How true that MS looms over my life discouraging me especially during the holidays. The last few months have been rough, urgent care and ER, tests and then Covid. My immune system is shouting at me and I’m shouting back please stop. I’ve had to make the hard decision that there will be no Christmas tree or extra decorations this year. Harder is that there won’t be family gathering…. I’m looking forward to better days and hope they come soon with better weather too. I miss the Sunshine. Thank you for all you do for us and I so look forward to your honest and encouraging words. Big gentle hugs for you.✨️