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My body has limitations that aren’t negotiable

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Stating my reality is not an excuse. When I tell you I can’t do something or I’m in pain, it’s not an excuse. It’s not a matter of not being positive enough or not trying hard enough. It’s my reality. It’s the truth.

It’s important to understand that being realistic does NOT mean giving up on your dreams. If there is something you really passionately want to do, but it would be challenging, you still may be able to do it if you plan and prepare appropriately.

Consider each activity more by how much you want to do it, or what you are willing to lose or miss out on if you do it, rather than trying to do everything you used to do. You know your body’s limits, and what is or isn’t worth the fight.

Be conservative in your planning at first so you can learn what your limitations and capabilities really are. Be aware that they can change often but you do have every right to push your limits and try to do the things that are important to you. The key part is to figure out what that looks like for you. Sometimes what you think will be super easy can actually be some of the most difficult things you do.

I have gone from being the person who organizes events to someone who is unlikely to have the cognitive space to complete the plans and worse, may pull out at the last minute or even won’t be able to join in on the celebration. Sometimes I am not even strong enough to take a shower in order to make myself presentable. I typically manage a quick text, before sinking back into exhaustion. Holiday times are the worst experiences for me.

An observation I have made is that some of my friends and family have taken this personally and assume that my change in behavior is a reflection of my feelings for them, rather than a symptom of MS which can change from day to day.

I can be so quiet about my struggle that people around me can forget they I’m hurting. This doesn’t mean I’m not having difficulties, it simply means I don’t want to bother them and keep saying the same thing over and over again like a broken record. I just wish my struggle could be better understood by those around me and that my worth wasn’t defined by what I can or can’t do.

This kind of disconnect can cause loneliness to set in which is tough to get through. The magic of human connection, just being seen and heard through the MS struggle, can be a great relief to the loneliness. A real conversation with someone who has taken time to ask and then genuinely listen can be worth more than all the plans and parties combined.

Stay strong for who you are — a person deserving of love. You have so much to offer the world just by being your authentic self. Don’t let self-doubt hold you back from living a meaningful life and embracing moments of joy and connection with others.

I want you to know that you are not a burden. Don’t let those negative thoughts define you. Your challenges or limitations do not make you any less worthy or valuable. There are people who see your strength and resilience in the face of difficulties and are encouraged by it. Focus on surrounding yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are, imperfections and all. Be the reason they feel less like a burden and more like a blessing.

I want you to know there is light ahead, even in your darkest moments. You can get through this. Stay strong and keep your head held high. Happier days are coming!

Today I choose to focus on the positive

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I woke up early this morning… a usual for me. I do good if I get 4 hours of sleep each night. Between pain management and muscle spasms, I end up tossing and turning more than actually sleeping.

This morning I was feeling a bit down so I decided I would get dressed and head over to the local coffee shop. It always brightens my morning sitting in the shop listening to the hustle and bustle of the workers making drinks and serving people. Between the hissing and spewing of the machines, the wonderful smells of fresh roasted coffee beans, the chatter of the customers, and the rustling of chairs across the floor, it is oddly a great way to begin my day.

When you sit in public like this, you get the chance to listen in on all kinds of conversations. It’s not eaves dropping. When someone is talking loudly, you have all rights to listen in… besides, it’s not like you have any other options.

So far this morning, most of the conversations I have heard have been negatively focused. I have heard about a tyrant boss, a neighbors incessantly barking dog, many political woes, and relationship problems. Have you noticed the world has a negative slant on just about everything? Turn on the news if you don’t believe me. Almost all of it is bad.

In a world where violence, injustice, and despair seem to be everywhere, it becomes easier to expect bad outcomes rather than good ones. Sadly we hear so much negative talk throughout our day, it’s no wonder we find ourselves following suit.

So today… today, I am choosing to find positive things to focus on and remain hopeful that better days are coming. For one, I woke up this morning. Yeah! That’s amazing already. Now add to that the barista at the coffee shop knows my name and had my drink ready for me when she saw me coming. That’s pretty awesome too if you ask me. So that’s already two wonderful things this morning that I can talk about.

Then there’s the fact that I get to see the sunrise since I got up so early, I get to meet new people, give away a smile to someone needing a bit of cheeriness to begin their day, and of course enjoy a hot cup of coffee to begin mine. All those things make my heart happy.

I could focus on the vertigo and blurred vision I’m fighting through as I type this, the pain in my legs and feet that never seems to stop, and the tremor in my right hand that’s making it hard for me to type or even hold a cup of coffee, but what good will that do?

Here’s how you focus on the good…

1. Practice gratitude
Identify things to be grateful for.

2. See the good in others
Seeking the good in others broadens your perspective to understand those who may not necessarily share the same views or values.

3. Surround yourself with positive people
Studies find that those who surround themselves with happy people are more likely to be happy themselves.

4. Seek out good news and stories
Consuming uplifting content is a good antidote to all the negative events happening around you or directly to you.

5. Recognize your good qualities
Commend yourself for your good deeds and acts of kindness no matter how small.

6. Live in the present
Our dwelling on past painful experiences and our anxieties about the future often get in the way of focusing on living in the present.

There’s always something good to find in your day, you just have to choose to find it. Instead of pointing out all the bad things happening around you, find something that shines a light through the darkness. Even with the chaos that surrounds you there is something good in your day today. What are the good things surrounding you?

 

How to Cope When Everything Keeps Changing

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I always say that living with multiple sclerosis changes normal (whatever that actually is) and everyone around me is finally getting a taste at having to find their new normal in the midst of the crazy world we live in. If someone could find normal for me and let me know where and what it is, I’d like to know so I wouldn’t have to spend so much time searching for it.

One great thing about the changes I have had to make is I get an opportunity to evaluate life a bit more closely and get rid of the toxic people and unnecessary things that were making life harder… without the added guilt. I know my life has gotten less complicated because of it and I like that.

Someone asked me, “How can you be positive surrounded by the mess happening in the world today?” Being a positive person while living with multiple sclerosis sounds like an impossibility. Is it even possible? Some would say it can’t be done. They would say that MS is so full of uncertainties, pain and complications that there is no way to face it with a positive attitude. But it can be done and is being done by thousands of people every day.

How can anyone keep a positive attitude while facing such hard times happening all around? Staying positive is not about hiding from the reality of what you are going through by trying to cover up the struggle in an attempt to keep the world from knowing it exists. MS exists. Hard times are real. Tears happen. No amount of covering it up is going to make it go away or lessen its troubles.

Being positive means that even though you are in the middle of the storm of all storms in life, you get out of bed in order to face a new day. Even when the pain has you doubled over in tears, you keep going. Even when your brain is foggy and your words are muddled, you give of yourself. Even when your life has spun out of control, you fight because you simply refuse to be defeated.

You are a fighter. Do you go through your day constantly complaining or do you try to find a small ray of light in the trial…a smile in the struggle? You can do this! You are doing this. I am so proud of you.

It’s alright to have negative thoughts when your path bends the wrong way or the unexpected happens. Don’t beat yourself up when negative feelings, thoughts, or words creep into your life. You haven’t done anything wrong. That’s just a part of being human. It’s okay to cry, to be afraid and get frustrated.

The challenge is to not let those negative things pull you down and hold you back from moving forward. Allow yourself to be real, to feel, cry, struggle and fight, yet still hang on to hope that today will be better than yesterday. Hope shows up when you need it the most. Hang onto hope. You got this.

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I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.
― C. JoyBell C.

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I can honestly say I’m thankful for MS

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You cannot bargain with multiple sclerosis. No amount of self examination will alleviate the pain and destruction it is causing in your body. I tried at first and wound up feeling more defeated than victorious. I had to move past all the quick fixes people tried to push my way. I even tried some but there was no benefit or relief.

Is taking supplements helpful? Are good clean diets helpful? Is there a medication that will reverse everything taking place? Does anyone really have a remedy that works without fail? The answer to all of those questions is NO! They may make you feel better about yourself or even some of your symptoms may lessen and your body will fell healhier, but none actually heal you.

There is nothing to do about an MS life other than living it as happily, healthily and comfortably as you can. Make sensible choices in how to modify your home and even your life. Do your research and take the medications you believe will help you. After all that’s your choice, not your doctors. I have fired a couple of doctors over the years because they refused to actually listen to my needs. A doctor is there for you, not you for them. You are not their project, pin cushion or a patient to practice on.

Once you have moved past the diagnosis stage you eventually get to the point where you just don’t give a crap what other people think about you or your new normal. Are you physically disabled? Do you move slower than in times past? Do you have trouble with cognition making even day to day tasks troublesome? Do you have trouble breathing or even swallowing? Ugh… so many troublesome issues happening day to day.

Once I moved past the trauma taking place I looked back at life and what I have learned from everything I had experienced….

I can honestly say that I’m thankful for MS. Yes, that sounds crazy but it’s true. I’ve grown as a person. I’ve developed muscles I didn’t know I had. I can handle additional challenges in a way that I never could have done before. I’ve gotten closer to the person I really am and it has forced me examine my own values in a way few events ever have. All of that to me is a gift.

That’s my life with MS… all the nuts, bolts and springs of it.

Don’t lose heart

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Multiple sclerosis has taken so much from me. Some things I don’t miss, but it is heartbreaking to discover that my ability to play the guitar is now one of them.

I decided this week that I was going to get my guitar out to try and get my music going again. I was a really good guitarist playing for weddings and even played in a few concerts singing before thousands of people. I have missed it and was hoping I could get it going again.

I was trained classically by the Dean of Music at a university near where I lived in Missouri. He gave me private lessons and I had even impressed him with my skills. My voice is no longer strong enough to carry a proper tune but I thought I could at least get a few notes out that made some sense on the guitar.

I was at least able to remember how to manually tune the strings. I got my pitch pipe out so I could get the fifth string of the guitar in tune and then made all the other strings properly match up. I had always used a method called harmonics to help me get the strings tuned. I never had an electronic tuner like many musicians use.

Once I got the guitar properly tuned I thought at least I could make something of my efforts. But I sat on the couch a bit dumbfounded trying to remember the first strokes to my favorite song. I couldn’t get my right hand working at all. No picking and grinnin’ was going on. All I could do was a simple strum and to me that’s not as pretty as being able to use my fingers to create a beautiful melody.

My left hand was able to make the chords but I couldn’t do much of anything with my right hand in order to strum. I sat in tears mourning my lack of ability to play. I had hoped I could get something out… but nothing made sense anymore. It was heartbreaking.

I pulled out some of my sheet music and sadly couldn’t make sense of it any more. That was a really sad hard hitting reality for me. I never thought I would lose my ability to create music. All I can do now is just listen to the beauty others create. At least I will never lose the music in my heart. It’s still there. Maybe a whisper, but it’s still there.

When things don’t go as you had hoped you can’t give up. I promise you things will get better, one way or another they will get better. You can take my word for it. No matter what trial you are going through you can’t lose heart. Tomorrow is a new day, don’t forget that. You are not alone. I will walk with you through this valley and together we will make it through. Don’t lose heart.

My never-ending multiple sclerosis struggle

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I’m not going to lie and tell you that life is wonderful at the moment or pretend to have all the answers. The truth is, life is hard and for those of us living with a chronic illness it seems harder than it does for others because our struggle is never-ending and always changing.

Each morning I wake up exhausted but thankful that a new day is here filled with its countless possibilities. Throughout the day I face challenges that at times can become overwhelming, painful, and sometimes more difficult than I had ever imagined. Multiple sclerosis challenges can cause a lot of trouble and bring about a battle that I don’t always have the strength to fight. But somehow I gather enough strength to come up swinging. I refuse to let the struggle win.

Just yesterday I fell yet again transferring to my powerchair. You’d think I would have found a way to avoid it but I never do. I tend to go from point A to point L, M, N, O, P before I find point B. But even in my roundabout way, I get there. With my new bruises, wounded pride and 2 large cups of coffee I was able to get through the day. I made it… or so I thought.

It was right before bed that I discovered a leak in my urostomy pouching bag used for my makeshift bladder so I had to clean myself up and  put on a new pouch. Just doing that took the remaining strength I had left. My hands weren’t working well for me. Between tremors and weakness my hands were making the change difficult.

I barely had enough strength to climb into bed. When I finally got to bed for the night I paused to reflect on my day and without fail I realized that I made it through another day with MS. Maybe bruised and a bit wounded, but I made it through. As I closed my eyes I did so with gratitude and with a heart filled with thanks that I made it through another day.

After all that I remembered that a new day is coming. What will that new day hold? Will it be a good day, a terrible day, or will I even have enough strength to get through it? Will I cry? Will I laugh? I just don’t know. All I know is a new day is coming.

I know an MS life can be hard, but through the struggle I want you to remember this…

When things get bad, no matter how hard they become, know that even on your darkest, cloudiest day, the sun is still shining from behind the clouds. It hasn’t fallen out of the sky. It hasn’t run away or been turned off. It’s still there and although the storm clouds can become daunting and terrifying as they hide the sun from view, they will eventually shift and you will find those beautiful rays of light peeking out once again.

Don’t let your struggle steal your happiness. Stay strong and find new ways to persevere. Remember those moments when you pushed through the pain and managed to wade through the darkness? Those are your strongest days. You would have never experienced such strength if you hadn’t been pushed so hard to find a way to survive.

And that’s what you are…a survivor!

You are not alone in this journey with MS. Brighter days will come. I can guarantee you that.

Oh, look…I think I just saw a little bit of sunlight peeking through the clouds. It’s a new day filled with new possibilities. You are going to make it!

I’m not broken, a burden or an inconvenience

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In today’s world, we are constantly being made to believe that something is wrong with us because we have multiple sclerosis. Those of us using walking aids, wheelchairs and braces for some reason are seen as broken and a burden. We move much too slow, drop things way too easily and need help way too often with even the simplest of tasks for most people to bear. And those with MS who don’t need visible help…the bathroom issues, pain, emotional moments, and memory difficulties are viewed in the same way: as an inconvenience for others.

I can remember when I first started using a cane. I tried to hide it from people. I really did. I would wait until the last moment possible to get my cane in hand in order to walk across the parking lot of the grocery store. I would try to keep it as close to my right leg as possible thinking it would make it less noticeable. It didn’t, but I tried anyway.

The walker was much harder to hide. I felt like I was pushing around a truck with caution signs and flashing lights. “Look at me, here I come! Beep, beep, beep.”

The responses it invoked in people was not always comfortable to handle either. As soon as someone saw me with a walker, the questions began…too many questions, and ones that required exhausting explanations. I wasn’t ashamed of MS, I was simply tired of the constant “What’s wrong with you?” questions met with “I know what you need to do to make MS go away” responses.

Sometimes for me, the easiest response was lying and saying “It’s a football injury.” That was always met with a smile and a nod…even though I’m a girl. What? Sports injuries are more readily acceptable than a chronic illness?

Now that I use a wheelchair, it’s a bit harder to hide my walking difficulties but I’ve also gotten better at handling people’s stares, questions and comments. It still gets to me at times, but I’m okay with most people’s responses. I’ve come to understand that the negative and insensitive comments made by people simply show who they are as a person and has nothing to do with me.

One of the most important things I have learned is that multiple sclerosis has not left me broken. Cracked? Maybe…but I think I was cracked way before MS came along. If anything, it has opened my eyes to seeing the real me and to seeing how broken this world really is.

Yes, it takes me longer to do just about everything from checking the mail, to sweeping the floor, to getting out of bed. But even though I may not be fast at doing things, I can still get to where I’m going. It may take some creativity and some extra help, but I make it every time.

Ultimately, it would be wonderful to live in a world where disabilities took a back seat to who we are as a person. That day will probably never come, but regardless of what the world thinks, I want you to know that you are not broken or a burden.

You are a beautifully patched together work of art covered in scars yet filled with amazing resilience and strength. Your scars display an amazing roadmap of courage. You are not MS, a cane, a wheelchair, or even an emotional mess. You are incredibly you! You are important, needed, and wonderful just the way that you are…and don’t you ever forget it.


“Why Not You?

  • Today, many will awaken with a fresh sense of inspiration. Why not you?
  • Today, many will open their eyes to the beauty that surrounds them. Why not you?
  • Today, many will choose to leave the ghost of yesterday behind and seize the immeasurable power of today. Why not you?
  • Today, many will break through the barriers of the past by looking at the blessings of the present. Why not you?
  • Today, for many the burden of self doubt and insecurity will be lifted by the security and confidence of empowerment. Why not you?
  • Today, many will rise above their believed limitations and make contact with their powerful innate strength. Why not you?
  • Today, many will choose to live in such a manner that they will be a positive role model for their children. Why not you?
  • Today, many will choose to free themselves from the personal imprisonment of their bad habits. Why not you?
  • Today, many will choose to live free of conditions and rules governing their own happiness. Why not you?
  • Today, many will find abundance in simplicity. Why not you?
  • Today, many will be confronted by difficult moral choices and they will choose to do what is right instead of what is beneficial. Why not you?
  • Today, many will decide to no longer sit back with a victim mentality, but to take charge of their lives and make positive changes. Why not you?
  • Today, many will take the action necessary to make a difference. Why not you?
  • Today, many will make the commitment to be a better mother, father, son, daughter, student, teacher, worker, boss, brother, sister, & so much more. Why not you?

Today is a new day!

Many will seize this day.
Many will live it to the fullest.
Why not you?”

― Steve Maraboli

Creating a balanced MS Life

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I’ve always heard that balance in life is essential. I have a feeling the person who originally penned that thought didn’t have multiple sclerosis. I can no more balance my body on a flat surface than my life on a daily basis. I can’t even balance my check book due to the financial strain of living with a chronic illness. A balanced life with MS sounds more like an oxymoron than a reality.

How do you balance a life that is constantly changing and where the unexpected is more expected than the chance of rain in today’s weather forecast? Each day with MS is an irregular experience filled with obstacles and booby traps. How do you balance a life like that?

I gave up trying to plan my day in advance. Before MS, I was an organized, planned individual with my day planner in hand everywhere I went and a memory like an elephant. I remembered birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and special occasions. I could remember anything I read, heard or saw. I even earned the nickname “Human Google” and was the go-to person when someone had a question.

Now, I have a hard time remembering what day it is, what I did yesterday and what the name of the main characters are in ‘Friends’. I burn pizza in the oven, lose my way driving to the grocery store and forget to wash the shampoo out of my hair while I’m in the shower. You have no idea how many times I have gotten out of the shower, dried myself off, then realized my hair was still sudsy. Even my no-fail plans to remember things don’t help me remember. I lose post-it notes, forget to set alarms and can’t comprehend my own text messages to myself.

It would be wonderful to know what a day will be like: to plan and be able to keep those plans, to go to parties without leaving early, to spend time with friends without falling asleep on them, to spring clean the house without regretting it later, or even to wash and detail the car without dropping the wash rag every few minutes.

Even though I have trouble doing some of the simplest of things in life, I try to do them anyway…and that’s what counts. I try to do as much as I can when I can and leave the rest to tomorrow.

Because of MS, I have learned that balance has nothing to do with ensuring equal time with work, fun, and family. It’s not about pleasing others or how much I can get done in a day. It’s about going with the flow and doing those things that are important to my wellness. Sometimes that means I spend the day focused on my own needs instead of work, family or fun. Sometimes that means I can mix it all up. But the important thing is to never give up when the unexpected happens.

It’s okay to end your day differently than you expected, leaving things still to be done. Don’t get frustrated because your house needs to be vacuumed and you don’t have the energy to do it at the moment. I don’t know of anyone with an un-vacuumed house that has stopped the world from existing thus ending civilization as we know it. Your day will go on and the vacuuming can wait for another day. The same goes for laundry.

Choose the important things in life to be your focus rather than the things of little importance. I’ve learned that many of the things that I thought were important really weren’t. Use your time wisely and know that YOU are what’s important, not what you can or cannot do.

And never forget, even the greatest gymnast in the world falls off the balance beam from time to time so don’t stress out when your emotions get the best of you and you become overwhelmed with everything happening around you. Just take a deep breath, get back up and keep trying. Don’t hold onto the stress that comes with all the daily unexpected moments. Instead, hold onto the smiles you find in the moment and keep going. You got this!

You can’t control multiple sclerosis

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Living with multiple sclerosis isn’t as easy as some people make it seem. It’s not like I can will my body into behaving or talk my muscles into working. Mine seem to have revolted all on their own. I don’t need anyone to pull me down with their words. MS is doing a pretty good job of that on its own.

I have days when I find myself dealing with physical symptoms like tremors, pain, weakness, numbness, vision problems, and muscle spasms. Enough to cause me difficulties but not enough to stop me from continuing on in my day. Then there are times when everything becomes so intense, when the pain and weakness grows so deep, that it bleeds over into every part of my life as it tries to get its grubby little hands on things like my thoughts and emotions.

One thing I have learned over time is that MS is not a disease you can control or keep to yourself. We try though…don’t we?! I know I do. I try to keep the effects of MS neatly contained in its own little space hoping to shield myself and those around me from its impending destruction, but it seems the more I try to contain it, the more it spills out. It’s kind of like trying to rake the leaves in my yard into a pile on a windy day. What a futile task. No matter how hard I try, they just won’t stay where I put them.

Regardless of what anyone thinks, we need people, especially when living with a chronic illness and even more so at this time of year. It’s a time when the weather is unforgiving. It has this sneaky way of causing our nerves and muscles to go a bit haywire as the hot temperatures creep into our lives limiting what we can accomplish on our own. Humidity is the worst.

As the summer progresses more and more cookouts take place. It’s amazing the things we have to consider when receiving an invitation to an outing. Is the location accessible? Will there be adequate air conditioning to keep me cool? Will my body play nice? Will I be able to manage the traffic? Will my finances be stretched too thin, above and beyond any past due medical bills? Will people understand my decision to stay at home or that I had to cancel plans last minute? Will they even invite me in the first place?

Real friends get it though. I was once told, “You can count your true friends on one hand and sometimes on one finger.” How true is that?

I know it’s not always easy to do, but be determined to fill the days ahead with the love of a few close friends. It really does brighten the dreaded summer days. If you can’t get out, invite someone over for a special movie night complete with pizza and popcorn or even have a Zoom meeting with people you haven’t seen in a while. Sometimes something as simple as a text message back and forth with someone you haven’t heard from in a long time can give you a smile that lasts for days.

From one friend to another: do your best to find joy in the steamy hot days and always remember just how absolutely, positively, incredibly amazing you are. I sure happen to think so.

Yes, Multiple Sclerosis Is Real

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Sometimes it feels like my head is stuck in a shaken snow globe that’s waiting for the flakes to settle…only the flakes never do. That’s the dizziness and vertigo I’m experiencing right now.

Most days it seems I am fighting a never-ending battle. There are times I wake up thinking all is good and that the spinning is gone, but as soon as I get up and start going about my day…boom, it’s back. It never seems to go away for long. I think it just takes periodic bathroom breaks or trips to the refrigerator for a snack. I’ve tried to talk it into moving to Kalamazoo, but for now it has no plans on leaving.

Living with the vertigo, or any MS symptom for that matter, is not an easy thing to deal with day in and day out. It can cause you to feel like an outcast and all alone. For many, that’s the very reason they give up and withdraw from life.

I was tested for BPPV (benign paroxysmal positional vertigo). It’s when small crystals of calcium carbonate within one of the organs of the inner ear becomes detached and moves into another part of the inner ear causing dizziness. I didn’t have that. So it’s more of a mystery for now.

The pressure of trying to explain yourself all the time can be tiring, especially when those explanations are met with blank stares or unsympathetic responses. No one wants to be told to suck it up every time they are having a difficult moment. No one wants to feel like they are losing it because the people around them just don’t get it or care to want to understand.

Know that you are not delirious. What you are experiencing is real, and although it can be difficult to make it through your day, or even to get through the next 5 minutes, you have to keep going. I believe in you. Take it one step at a time… one breath at a time if needed.

I’m going through 3 days of Solu-Medro infusions to help restore some of the energy I have lost. I have no idea where it went but it seemed to take a vacation without me. I can’t stand up without my legs giving way within seconds. Trying to dry myself off after I shower is a near impossibility. I more drip dry than towel dry. So I just wrap myself in a robe to dry off.

I don’t have enough energy to squeeze a bottle of mustard for a sandwich. Driving make me dizzier than dizzy. All the movements around me affects my vertigo which goes haywire with just a hint of movement. So much craziness… and I hope the infusions will help restore some of my energy and give me my life back. For know it’s just a waiting game filled with lots and lots of hope.

Join me and choose to love yourself enough to hang on. Today is a new day filled with new possibilities. Remember, you made it through yesterday, you made it through some other really tough times too…you will get through today as well!