What people with MS would love to hear

It’s heartbreaking to hear from a friend or loved one that they have been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. If upon learning the news you go through a range of emotions—from shock to sadness to anger to fear—well, then just imagine what your friend must be feeling themselves.

It’s only natural when a loved one is going through a health struggle like MS, we want to support them in any way possible. We want to be a physical presence in their life to assist them, but still need to respect their personal boundaries as they navigate a major change in their life. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is send a thoughtful note with some comforting words to let them know that we care.

But even then, it can often be difficult to find the right words. I’ve put together a list of items that someone living with MS would love to hear from a friend or loved one…

1. “I’m here for you”

   Show up for your loved one and remain by their side as they go through the crazy MS process. And if you say these words, make sure you mean them, and support them through thick and thin.

2. “Thinking of you”

   I’m thinking and praying for you… and I really mean it!
   
   Hearing that your wellbeing is on someone’s mind can be a great comfort, and the act of praying may be very peaceful for you as well. If you or your loved one aren’t religious, it’s still helpful to hear someone is sending you good vibes daily.

3. “Let’s have some fun”

   Tell a Joke… after all, it’s been said that laughter is the best medicine. Ask your friend for suggestions on renting a movie or watching a tv series that might be uplifting and humorous.

4. “I care about you”

   I don’t know what to say, but I care about you and I’m here for you if you need to talk or just cry.
   
   Listening is sometimes the best thing you can do for someone with MS. Silence is actually ok. Sometimes those empty spaces allow both of you to collect your thoughts and emotions. Be sure to listen without judgment.

5. “You are so beautiful”

   I’ve set up an appointment with the hairdresser to give you a new haircut and manicure.
   
   Feeling confident when dealing with physical challenges can be difficult at first. No matter what physical symptoms your loved one is experiencing, this is an opportunity for you to make sure their inner and outer beauty is recognized by letting them know that they are beautiful… even when in PJs and having messy hair.

6. “What day works for a visit?”

   Call and ask when a good time to visit might be. Be mindful when you are visiting that people with MS can tire easily and several short visits might be best.

7. “Let me help you with…”

   Ask if they need help with any particular tasks such as:
   Grocery shopping
   Cleaning the house
   Making a meal
   Laundry
   Picking up prescriptions
   
   Finding the time and energy to run errands can be a challenge. They may feel ashamed in asking for help with tasks even though it is needed. Show that you are sincere in your offer to help by making suggestions.

8. “I love you”

   Send a note with a personal gift such as books, movies, word games, small mementos, or special personal care products. When nothing else feels right, these three simple, powerful words can mean the world. They might be just the thing your loved one needs to push through the day.

9. “There are so many things to love about you”

   MS has a way of feeling all-encompassing. Those affected may feel like their identity revolves around being a patient. That is simply not true. Your loved one is so much more than someone who has MS. They could be a dog-lover, artist, parent… Help them focus on all their amazing traits that have nothing to do with their illness.

10. “How are you doing?”

    You can be there for your loved one by asking them how they’re doing not just physically, but emotionally as well. Don’t be afraid to ask about their mental health. Sometimes physical symptoms are only one part of the puzzle when it comes to MS.